help on a new relationhip, that maybe going south

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ive been seeing this guy for about two months now. we decided early on that we were dating serious.keep in mind we have both come out of very bad relationships about 9 months ago. everything has been going great, no problems and now all the sudden. we are both scared, him more than i.. because im ready to be in someones life and share mine with someone. however he is scaring me,to the point of i want to run from him. he went from calling everyday to maybe every other, he hasnt always called everyday that started after a couple of weeks of seeing him. he went from wanting to see me all the time to now not as much . he got excited when our weekends were the same with our children etc but now its different . its almost like if i want it he doesnt but if i dont he does. i dont know rather to wait him out or move on. it shouldnt be this difficult. i really like him alot. am i being to pushy?? am i scaring him off because i want him but when he pulls away i wanna pull away too?? ive tried to be honest and say how i feel but when i say anything he pulls away more.. what should i do?? be more patient, dont ask him to do things? or run????

― cynthia, Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Um have you tried talking to him?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, tell him like it is. Ask him straight out what he thinks about the relationship and/or where it's headed. The where it's headed part is tricky, because you can have a great time even if it's not headed towards forever. But give it a go anyway. His response will help you figure out what you really feel too.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

ive tried to be honest and say how i feel but when i say anything he pulls away more..

This is bad news. Refusal/inability to communicate is a problem. If he can't even meet you halfway here, move on.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Follow him wherever he goes. Sit in a car outside his house all night.

― andy, Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, listen to andy. He's got good hair tips, too.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

As someone born in New Zealand, I hesitate at the equation of "going south" and "going badly."

but that's not helpful. sounds to me like he is having second thoughts: if you think about yourself in a similiar position, you'd notice if you only called every 2nd day. These things are seldom accidental.
Talk to him now though - it may be something small, or something else entirely.

― paulhw (paulhw), Thursday, 19 August 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you say 'going north' in NZ?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 19 August 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

tie him to a chair and make him listen to what you have to say. if he refuses, hes an unreasonable man and not worthy of your time.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Thursday, 19 August 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

If he refuses, leave the bastard tied to the chair, too.

― luna's a dominatrix now (luna.c), Thursday, 19 August 2004 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

but then ungag him and let him talk.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Thursday, 19 August 2004 21:13 (twenty-one years ago)

it's not worth it. things will never work out between you two. move on. seriously.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 19 August 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Especially after tying him to the chair. Then again, maybe that's exactly what he needs.

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 19 August 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I saw a similar story on Trisha. Both partners said they loved each other but the guy had problems with commitment and the girl was terribly jealous and possessive.
They agreed that a period away from each other followed by some counselling might help.
Then it turned out that her baby was the bloke's best mate's and that the girl had been to jail for stealing socks.
Trisha was very supportive but sometimes you just have to let go.

― Gezza (GerryNemo), Thursday, 19 August 2004 21:32 (twenty-one years ago)

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