do you like meeting new people?

Otherwise I am not really bothered, but kind of like my own time and space (must save for deposit on my own flat with noone else, sharpish).

I generally *don't* like having conversations with random "bus stop" strangers, unless I'm in a very good, social mood. (Which is quite rare lately.)

Gah, so much depends on my own mood, and my own level of happiness and comfort with myself, that the environmental stuff is pretty much moot.

In FAP-type situations, I generally stay more and more zipped because they tend to talk about things in which I'm not interested and it is therefore difficult to get on with people who are clearly on a different wavelength.

I hate bars and parties and avoid both like the plague so can't comment on that question. With two or three people I'm OK. With crowds, forget it, instant claustrophobia.

In terms of shopping and bus stops I do not, as it were, try it.

London is not the friendliest of places in which to live but then again it's not as if I've made much of an effort to change that environment.

I think the only time I end up talking to strangers on public transport is when something's gone wrong, e.g. the bus is late or has broken down or the driver think its perfectly acceptable to stop the bus and have a fag midway through the route (which happens more often than you might think). That is the time when I turn to the person next to me and sigh or give a helpless grin and we'll start having a conversation about how awful it is. I seem to remember Tom saying something similar once, comparing this situation with the camarderie of strangers in the Blitz or something. Mind you, I may be remembering this wrong.

I used to be quite shy in social situations and would never initiate a conversation. Nowadays I feel quite happy doing it and so am always glad to meet new ppl. I do occasionally get knocked back by those annoying twats who react in a sarcastic way to something I say that they don't find particularly interesting, but I suppose it's annoying to them if I'm boring them so I can't really complain. The knock back doesn't last v long however, it's not like aI go round for weeks afterwards worried that i'm boring or anything like that.

When I was say 17-18 I constantly wished I could get to know more people and talk more to strangers, but I always felt too freaky.

I never, ever talk to strangers at the bus stop or such. Occasionally I might talk to strangers at a party, almost never at a bar (maybe just some small talk in the line to the toilet).

Actually there have been a few instances recently when I've been on public transport, been sitting across from someone who seems nice, and just randomly engaged them in conversation. People are a lot more friendly if you show some initiative.

It's like the weather isn't it? The one thing that affects everyone whoever they are. When all else fails, one can always complain about the shit weather.
And I know I keep bringing up raving these days, but I think it's nice that in this environment, you can talk to (almost) anyone and they'll want to be your friend - or at least give you the time of day. Of course drugs are involved but the change in social stimulus is quite amazing really.

I've never been comfortable talking to other blokes. Most of my friends, certainly the vast majority of people to whom I feel comfortable talking/confiding, are of the opposite sex. I told Kate about this last year and she reckoned that it was extremely unhealthy. And it's also another big barrier to my feeling comfortable at FAPs - I just can't get with the whole "bloke thing."

Yeh, I know that feeling. I get a bit frustrated if my group of friends is unwilling to even TRY accepting someone new into our fold or whatever, which can happen sometimes. I guess I do it sometimes too. It's not so much distrust as "yeh, these people are okay but not really my cup of tea".

is raving sweeping ILX or something? Christ, that sounds good.

other times, i'll have random coversations with loads of strangers about anything. sometimes at my initiative, sometimes theirs (god, i spend too much time at namco station. a security guard approached me because he remembered me 'for being so damn good at the sword game, and the most honest person i've met' [for turning in the phone that stevem & ken found] and so i talked to him for a while, although it was weird and slightly humiliating that i'm that much of a geek)

also, i did have to 'start from scratch' when i moved here, so all my english friends are new friends. maybe that's why i don't bother meeting people these days-- the last three years have been all about the new friend campaign!

I still do feel that it is probably an unhealthy sign if one's friends are entirely *all* of one gender, regardless of whether that is the same or opposite gender as oneself.

Obviously, many people will have a preference one way or another, often depending on their interests, and how that correlates to gender stereotypes. (Back in the 90s, when I was a computer programmer by day, and a session player by night, most of the people I met were men, so most of my friends were men. But this has evened out considerably.)

But I am actually suspicious of people who have *no* friends of a certain gender, over the age of about 18. That does worry me.

To an extent. Many people take this shit too far and neglect to acknowledge the obvious and fundamental differences between men and women, which I think can be equally unhealthy.

I behave the same way with men and women I think, it's just that I don't have that many woman friends.

God, protect me from all those fevered egos...

hmm.. Some people just do like being around their own/opposite sex citing that they can't feel at ease among others. I can kind of see that, although it is admittedly a little narrow-minded because not all guys are blokey-blokes who sing rugby songs and talk about cars and not all girls are into shopping and cattiness so I see where you're coming from.

Which is a shame, but still...

QED.

(nb: 'confidante' type person does not imply wanting to go to bed with them)

I'm with Alba to an extent on the thing about groups - part of the excitement of meeting a new person, for me, is knowing that they could be the gateway to a whole new group of friends. To the extent that I sometimes get a bit disappointed if this doesn't happen, which isn't really fair on the other person, but then again I socialise with big groups far more than individuals anyway so maybe its understandable. I agree that sometimes this is also motivated by looking for potential partners, and I'm not really sure this is fair either, but I suppose its human.

I tend to go through waves of meeting lots of new people at once, the last time was around February and there might be another similar point on the horizon fairly soon.

But I've decided that it really truly should be left there, both to remind me of all the reasons that Marcello and I fell out in the first place - so I'm never, ever tempted to reinitiate a "friendship" no matter how many pathetic little emails he sends privately to my inbox while publicly mocking and attacking myself and my friends and turning a community I love into his private warzone.

And secondly, as mirror image of projection for Marcello to look into, when he wonders why he is alone and embittered.

I don't like you, Marcello. I don't like the way you treat other people, or this board. I've tried being nice to you, I've tried ignoring you. I want no part of your world, or the emotional vampirism that you call "friendship". LEAVE. ME. ALONE. And leave my friends alone.

Kay? Thanks, bye.

x-post

Doctors should wash their hair (and their ties) frequently, if they are to perform surgery upon me, thanks.

yeah it's kinda cool

Get better at it all the time

it depends who they are

i generally like to jettison some of the old ones first

Meeting new people isn't so bad. Just meeting someone doesn't imply a commitment to keeping up any future relationship. As a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, I can be as sociable as the next person for a few minutes at a time, but keeping up with close relationships is restricted to a very select few.