three years

I look at what I posted on the "two years" thread and everything seemed to be pointing towards a positive transition.

12 months later, nothing has been achieved and most has been lost.

It was a blow from which I will never truly recover.

All I can say, with deliberate paraphrasing of Virginia Woolf, is that before this disease happened no one could have been happier than us. You couldn't have found a happier, more inseparable couple than Laura and me. We did EVERYTHING together, our personalities fit each other so perfectly. Life couldn't have been better. And we had so many plans - children, mortgage, car, holidays - which were just about to come into fruition.

When the trapdoor was pulled away from under us, it sent me into an indeterminate space/limbo in which I've been floating ever since.

I don't suppose there's anything anyone could really have done over the last three years to help me. MS and NC came closest: no one could have tried harder than you two and I am eternally grateful to you for it. But the grief remains undiminished, and now I have the disease and there's nothing anyone can do about either.

I'm going to do the programme tonight - and I'm saying all this now as a precaution to stop me from breaking down on air, getting it all out of my system so that I can broadcast and keep my countenance - then tomorrow I'm travelling abroad, nominally for ten days, and when I return I will need to figure out how best to live whatever's left of my life.

In the meantime, Laura's memory is secure, so that work, my duty, has at least been done.

This is the only thing I'm going to post on ILx today. And on this thread I am only really talking to myself so there's no need for anyone else to respond.

Thank you.