US Open 2004

Meanwhile, doesn't it just seem like forever since The Best Legs in Belgium has played at a slam? It is, though.

Tursunov, Andreev, Sargsian, El Aynoui - lots of potential long matches for Rodge if he's even remotely off for a round or two and those ones get through. And I am going to officially be the only person who is glad Lleyton is #4 meaning he might just get to a sodding semi again...

As for A-Rod, let's hope that Nadal or Blake has the match of their life in round 2 and gets him out of the equation early, or he looks to have a not too awful draw for a while, though MUCH harder than Wimbledon.

Roddick won't win... last year was always in the cards, he went absolutely rampant in the warm-ups, but he's struggled a bit more this year. If Marat decides he wants to play well, Dickhead's losing in the 4th round. (But Marat won't, so oh well.) That said, his early Olympic loss benefits him here... ditto Federer, too.

HAHAHA - potential Venus v Lindsay FOURTH ROUND! Unless Serena pulls out (and rumours are a-swirling), in which case the draw gets rejigged. Lindsay's the hot favourite - undefeated since Wimbledon - but if JHH is really recovered and didn't just profit from two mega-chokes in Athens, Lindsay's not beating her.

Quarter-final predictions from the briefest of glances at the draws -

Federer v Dent
Srichaphan v Kiefer
Haas v Hewitt
(God only knows, maybe J Johansson) v Roddick

Henin-Hardenne v Kuznetsova
Myskina v Davenport
Sprem v S Williams
Zvonareva v Mauresmo

Sharapova to go out in either round 1 or round 2; Rubin to lose to Washington in round 2; Henperson to lose to Karlovic in round 1.

The glorious qualifiers to watch out for - bonkers trash-talking 15-yr-old Sesil Karatantcheva; non-bonkers, non-trash talking (but 6ft and in possession of her first title) 15-yr-old Nicole Vaidisova.

Anyway, in a repeat of last year, I am off to London in a couple of hours and don't really know where I'll be living when I get back so yeah, no idea how much I'll be on this thread. Look after Nastya for me please!

Andreev-Massu
Srichaphan-Fish
Gros, Jean, Gros!-Hhewwitt
Scuttler-Andy Is A Dick Slap

JHH-VRP
Payload-Venus
Capriati-Molik
Little Miss Marat-Mesmo

Lawks knows why. I'll be around as much as I can - maybe even finish the gloss this time...

Still, I look forward, in a vague bleary-eyed way, to next week.

I can't get live scores working, but what has happened so far is that the men's has been fairly upset-free. Rodge straight sets The Dirty Old Man, gets to meet The Greatest Living Cypriot Sportsman Apart From Possibly Nicky Papavasiliou, Marcos Baghdatis. He achieved that accolade by getting rid of Mutey in four. Novak takes the Czech derby, Delic strolls past Janko Tennis Raver, and Moya and Kiefer won as well. Grrrrreg goes down flailing in five against Saulnier.

But we've had our first seed fall in the lay-deez - Sprem neutered in three by Kostanic. The US gets That Wimbledon Feeling as all its plucky losers, er, lose. Thus far. The Saint Angel, The Genevan Love Machine, Gaggles, Connie M and Bunsen Barna make their usual first round exits. Other than that, the nearest thing we've had to a shock thus far is Tammie getting Gissed in two. Unless Foretz beating Shenay Perry somehow counts...

Elsewhere, Mighty Meg is on the edge against Mazza B, as is Alex "Who invited you?" Bogdanovic vs. Alex "Who exactly are you?" Calatrava.

Marion slinging for it...

On Court Ten!

Right Now!

IT'S POTITO STARACE!!!

And he looks like getting mashed by Alex Popp. Oh well. C'mon Starchy!

And Mirnyi's gone.

POTITO HOLDS SERVE!

Lindsay Lee turning that tide on the pesky Luxemburger and is on the verge of clinching the second. Kucera's gonna have to go some to emulate her, as he's on the verge of losing a second consecutive set 6-1 to Xav-Xav.

In a complete non-shock, Serena Williams is wearing a crazy 'outrageous' outfit. In a huge stunner, she looks bloody good in it - dominatrix black top studded with bits of metal, denim skirt, and KNEE-HIGH LEATHER BOOTS.

What We Missed:

Prince Todd Of Eternia takes his final bow after getting dunked in four by Febreze, emotional farewell to crowd etc.

Two through on walkovers, Golmard and Fixodent take advantage of Labadze and Younes' dodgy ankles etc. Sargs and TJ through with not that much hassle, as were Ags, GAU-DE-TE! and Paul-Henri Mathieu (Exclusively at Debenhams).

She-wise, wins for Dishy, Cara B, (Pleased To Meet You) Miss Haynes, and The Douchebag.

However, what yesterday also saw was lots of people only getting into gear once I'd gone to bed. So we get Chateau Verdasco 1873 hammering his way back against Iggy, Dan-Han ding-donging through against ThumbTack, LLW LBW over Scowler, The Demolition Doll-Rod finally pulling herself together and dispatching Safina, Kucera somehow emerging from the wilderness of losing two consecutive sets 6-1 to counter X's Malice in five, but best of all...

STARCHY DID IT! Yes, despite blowing the first set 6-1, Sex Lives found that once Alex popped, he could actually be stopped rather easily, and took the next three 6-3 6-4 6-3. Beautiful. The rest may as well give up now...

*(apologies if this has been done to death in an earlier thread)

Yep, Marat's out in the first round once more, Tea & Quizzed does him in four. 27th seed Ljubicic out injured vs. H-T Lee, but other than that no major upsets - Hrbaty and Massu have particularly easy times of it, Timbo makes a meal of disconnecting Ivo-9, Hanescu gives PanPan trouble for a set or two before the Thai finds his feet and takes it in four.

In the women's, only two matches have gone beyond two sets thus far, one resulting in Shinobu putting Smashnova to the sword, the other in Barbara Schett being a bit rubbish. Server Nova find herself being accounted for yet again by a particularly vicious Princess Anastasia, JHH is through easily, and Sanchez Lorenzo, JieJie, Marrero and Emmie L are all taken out with quite upsetting ease. And as if things weren't bad enough for Steady Mike, Elena Liquor Saver's gone too. She was seeded 25th and everything.

Linz is kicking off her farewell tour in style against Kurhajcova, Ma-Sho-Na has lost the first to Serra Zanetti, and, to no-one's great surprise, Michael Llodra and Gilles Elseneer have had two tie-breaks from three sets, both of which Llod's won. Elsie took the first set, though, so there's probably a bit of mileage left.

JCF has just dropped the first set against Tom Zib. Daniilidou-Talaja turning into a mini-thriller, Eleni squaring the third at 4-4 having been 4-1 down - after a ferocious trading of advantage, she emerges with the upper hand and now just has to serve out for the match...

Elsewhere, Airwolf a set up on Ram John Holder, and working class hero Alex Bogomolov Jr. is close to coming back from two sets down to take Stef Koubek the distance.

Meanwhile, Farina-Elia gets a break up once more on Spearsy, and Andreas Seppi went two sets down against Scuttler. Then he went 5-1 up in the third. It's now 5-5 in the third. Might wanna stick a fork in that one.

Silvi takes the second set 6-2 and then goes and has her serve broken in the first game of the third. This may well go on a bit, unlike Koubek-Bog 'Em All Off, which the Austrian looks to be taking pretty handily, and Frazier-McCain (The Better Municipal Parking Ticket), which looks to just be a matter of crossing the I's and dotting the T's. And there aren't any T's, either, so that shouldn't take too long.

JMG two sets to the good vs. Rajeev, Clement takes the first against Arthurs, Zib and JCF 5-5 in the second.

JCF back to one set all, and after a minor hiccup Castanets wins her first ever Grand Slam set 6-3.

I've seen both Serra-Zanetti sisters play, and my mind stll boggles at how either ever win matches... they're both rubbish, absolutely awful. Miss Washington, hang your head in shame... to think that just last week you were putting La Shaz to the sword, too.

Abbie ended up getting speared in the third 6-4... sexy lady, we'd rather see you bare your soul. Meanwhile, Kuzzie sent the Brat Sesil to bed without any supper and with only two games won.

Will Alexandra "there are predatory lesbians in the locker room" Stevenson win her first main draw match of the year? She's a set down but 5-2 up in the second against Vivi Ruano Pascual and her lovely "I rake in millions a year from doubles so fuck this singles lark" attitude.

Ferrero Rocher continues to be crap, only just squeaking the third set against Zib. Compatriot Nadal is totally barbecuing HeuBurger though.

*I went to check this! At Roland Garros 2001, Castanets beat a baby Bartoli, who had been wild-carded in. Boo-ya to all the Catalina haterz.

JCF also found himself in tiebreak hell - he won the 3rd set on one before losing the one in the fourth. Then again, he took the last set 6-3 so it don't really matter, but you'd imagine he probably wouldn't much look forward to seeing Zibba-Zib-Ah again.

Straight set strolls for JJ, Dickhead, Interflora and Volandri (Hippensteel, Servenpurgatory), Nadal nearly blows it but not quite against Heuberger - breezes the first two before making a pig's ear of the next two, then pulls it out in the last.

Women - Shazzmatazz has a helluva time of it against Granville, takes the first set 6-3 only to come unstuck 7-5 in the second, and then she has to squeak the third 7-5 to get through. The Grand Slam might be a bit off the cards, then. Petra reliably gutsy yet unsuccessful against Venus, VRP sees off Stevie in two, Pratt sticks Cat, Payola takes out Nan-Nan Liu (oh, the fun we could have had...), and Dally Randriantefy is through an' all.

Tzipi Obziler beat Angelique Widjaja too.

does her lovliness help or hurt her with the crowd?

Tommy Berdych carries on his Rodge-bashing momentum in outhustling Bjorkperson over five sets. Poup is out injured so Davydenko walks right on. No seeds out in the men's thus far, and Karol Beck is handsomely through as well.

The Olympic effect doesn't work for Luscious 'licia, though, as she gets herself straight-setted by a suddenly-resurgent Dani H. Ohter than that, little to report int he way of completed matches - Vento, Patty, Aiii and Kostanic all through pretty easy.

And blow me down if Bobby Sods hasn't just done Fernando Gonzalez in four.

That's not Axl Rose, by the way, it's Lindsay Lee-Waters. She's just lost the first set 6-4. Youzhny's just got shot of Montanes with consumate ease, Golovin is just about to do the same (one senses) against Kid Origami and Jeff Morrison and Tuommi Ketola are having a tie-break that is taking ages.

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20040912/capt.xnyf09120217.us_open_xnyf.jpg

And her interview was fantastic too: "I don't know what I hate about tennis. But what I love, I mean, that you really ‑‑ like I think I can express myself in the court, you know. It's not just because it's goes like this, I play this tennis. I think I express myself with my game, you know. The same as singers sing songs what he really feels, not somebody else writing this song, you know."

That said, if Roger steamrolls over him, that's just tough shit and you don't go into a grand slam final against the best player in the world without having an inkling that it might happen.

Well done Roger. Time for another bagel.

FUCKING SERVE AND VOLLEYING! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Men's singles: Roger Federer
Women's singles: Svetlana Kuznetsova
Men's doubles: Mark Knowles and Daniel Nestor
Women's doubles: Virginia Ruano Pascual and Paola Suárez
Mixed doubles: Bob Bryan and Vera Zvonareva
Boys' singles: Andrew Murray
Girls' singles: Michaella Krajicek
Boys' doubles: Brendan Evans and Scott Oudsema
Men's singles: Marina Erakovic and Michaella Krajicek

You will note that the boys' champion is an Unexpected Brit!

Traci Austin sported orthodonics, right?

1. Federer

(3000 point gap)

2. Roddick
3. Hewitt
4. Henman
5. Coria
6. Moya
7. Agassi
8. Gaudio
9. Massu
10. Grosjean
11. Ferrero
12. Schuttler
13. Safin
14. Nalbandian
15. Pavel
16. Johansson, J
17. Robredo
18. Hrbaty
19. Kiefer
20. Srichaphan