oh jesus f*ck I am a dumbass

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so I decided about an hour ago that the larger of my two dogs needed a bath because he fucking reeked - I dunno what that animal has been rolling it, but he smelled like what I would imagine rancid bear pee would smell like, so yeah, ok, let's give the dog a bath. I didn't want him to be cold (I am stupid), so instead of tying him up outside and washing him with the hose LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, I wrestled all 85 pounds of him into the bathtub twice (he jumped out after I got him lathered up good the first time, the rotten bastard), and have consequently fucked up my back. If I can get out of bed in the morning, it will be almost a miracle.

I am self medicating with ibuprofen and beer. lots of beer.

I am a dumbass.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 02:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Poor Luna. I washed my dog today - didn't make him smell any better. Foul odoured puppy. I always wash him in the bath though; not that he likes it much, but I hold him in and he settles down. (hmm, that sounds like I;m drowning a puppy - this is not the case.)

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 02:50 (twenty-one years ago)

*good thoughts for La Luna*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 02:50 (twenty-one years ago)

That story's incredibly endearing, FWIW.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 03:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I once made the cat take a bath, when I was very little. Boy, was that a stupid idea.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 03:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Get well soon Luna! Back and neck injuries are horrible.

I have never washed my cat. Shes an indoor cat and ya know, I figure she can keep herself clean. She doesnt smell or anything.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't realize cats cleaned themselves, back then :(

Of course the cat I own now seems pretty inept at cleaning himself, in fact we've only seen him do it maybe 3 times. Still, not sticking the fucker in the tub. Oh no. He's got the insanity in his eyes, I ain't messing with it. He wanna be dirty, he can be dirty.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 03:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I've heard good things about the dishwasher.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 03:58 (twenty-one years ago)

with cats you gotta like fill the tub, then tape the shower curtain to the sides of the stall and toss the cat over the top.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 04:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Our cat once had a skin condition, and *had* to be given baths. It goes without saying that blood was shed.

― Harold Media (kenan), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 04:19 (twenty-one years ago)

My dog LOVES a bath in the tub. If you run a bath, you MUST close the door if you don't want him to jump in.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 04:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh, my cat's brother-cat, Eddie, LOVES WATER. He's a freak. We used to have to drain the washing machine into the bathtub and Eddie would leap in and splash around in it and his (longish) fur would get all wet and raggeldy. Hilariously cute.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 04:29 (twenty-one years ago)

i have a spray bottle for when kitty starts to smell. it's just water and a trace amount of soap.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 06:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw, I hope your back gets better soon. Try tying the dog down and hosing it.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

my parents' dog would regularly jump in the pool.

if not, we threw him in.

― Lt. Kingfish Del Pickles (Kingfish), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

We always bathed our cats. Enzo got one this week. He was so exhausted after he had finished licking himself (cats lick themselves wherever they're wet so a bath requires tons and tons of licking) that he dozed off while his fur was still damp. He woke up with kitty bed head. It was the cutest fucking thing ever.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Now we must wait and see if Luna is well enough to post!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

awww Enzo..

Well, I made it out of bed (barely) and have determined that said dog is actually trying to kill me in the most painful way possible, as he was under my feet (which I ain't so steady on right now) the entire time I was getting ready for work.

I shall have my revenge.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Is he, y'know, fixed?

― Huck, Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Yep. And I'm gonna fix his little red wagon.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

So maybe he's getting his revenge on you for taking away his manhood.

― Huck, Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Luna's plan for vengeance:

http://showcase.netins.net/web/cfurler/images/farside/tutored.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I washed my cat about a week ago because she has these clumps of matted fur on her back. She was pretty good about it, though she wasn't happy. It didn't help with the matted fur though. I even tried to brush them out with the cat brush, and that didn't work either. So last night I tried to cut the clumps out, but she REALLY didn't like that, and she was acting like it was hurting her, so I stopped. Now I don't know what to do, I'll probably have to take her to a groomer or something.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

He was 3 months old, Huck, he didn't even know what manhood was. Anyway, it hasn't stopped him from doing any boy dog things; he still chases cats and lifts his leg to wee, he just can't have sex.

Oh.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

N/A, they're just gonna take a buzzer to kitty and shave the matted hair off. At least, that's what the groomer did to my friend's massive cat.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

feel better luna!
my cat is still getting the two month haircut due to his rasta fur. clippers scare him away. it's a pain

― kephm (kephm), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

with cats you gotta like fill the tub, then tape the shower curtain to the sides of the stall and toss the cat over the top.

My dad did this once to punish the cat for biting him. It was really horrifying but then it was kind of funny. But we didn't tell him we thought it was funny, we pretended to be totally aghast, to punish my dad.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

did you videotape it?

― Lt. Kingfish Del Pickles (Kingfish), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I am the ghost of dogballs! I will haunt all your days and nights to come! Be afraid!

― Oooh, Spooky, Tuesday, 31 August 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

That sounds awful, Luna.
Next time you should bring someone else in the bathroom with you to hold him down.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

You realize, of course, that the above post is headed straight for the Out Of Context Thread?

― Huck, Tuesday, 31 August 2004 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, it was not so much the holding him down as it was the getting him INTO the tub. He's stubborn.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Sometimes I have to kneel in the tub with Enzo. It calms him down a little and he's easier to get a hold of.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 31 August 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

Reasons I am dumb this week-

1) I still can't post to ILX without making typos.
2) Just 15 minutes ago, I discovered that I have been wearing the wrong contact lens in each eye, maybe all year.
3) Despite the fact that SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS is clearly a sponge in square pants, I only just realized this the other day. I thought he was a piece of cheese.

Why/how are you dumb?

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

omg your #3 is seriously revelatory

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 4 November 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG adam!!!!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 4 November 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

HE LOOKS LIKE A CHEESE

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I AGREE

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.geocities.com/jcfan21/spongebob.gif
http://www.ltscotland.org.uk/healthykids/resources/cheese.gif

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

HE LIVES UNDERWATER!

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Sponges don't live underwater!

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

adam, i am serious, i thought it was cheese too

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

WTF YES THEY DO!

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

ADAM READ THIS NOW

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

bless you, mark

*reading*

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.oceanicresearch.org/sponges.html

haha xpost!

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

i think we just found #4

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, but he is like a kitchen sponge, isn't he? Otherwise he would be purple and phallic like those things you are showing me.

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

No offence adam, it would be good if Spongebob Squarepants WAS a cheese, he just... isn't.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.okada-ya.co.jp/www/duskin/house/images/around_water/kitchen/kitchen_sponge.jpg

I have never actually seen the cartoon, I just had this epiphany when I saw the trailer for the movie.

Oh wait...he's friends with a starfish, isn't he?

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

B-b-b-but the whole idea behind kitchen sponges came from people using things like the sponges on that website (hence the name and why the creators drew Spongebob like that; to make the link easier for kids)...

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Admittedly, many household 'sponges' are not natural sea sponges. But the fact that Bob lives on the bottom of the sea suggests he is, in fact, the latter.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, I propose CHEESEBOB SQUAREPANTS.

― adam... (nordicskilla), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

ALSO: they are shorts not pants, really. CHEESEBOB SQUARESHORTS.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

he looks like swiss.

cheesebob swissshorts

― sgs (sgs), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Cheesebob Parallelogramshorts

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Cheeseknob Scarepants?

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Why/how are you dumb?

omg i was gonna start a thread on this topic last week!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

that last post serves as both a comment on and an answer to that question.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Spongeman what resembles cheese in pants, a shirt and tie, kneesocks and loafers.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Swissbob Shortpants

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, THAT's what I meant.

Thank god for you, Jeanne.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah to be honest I shouldn't be worrying about cheese living underwater when various synthetic fabrics are clearly managing it with no ill effects, should I?

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

His sleeves bother me.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, why does he live in a pineapple? I'm willing to go with the sponge/sea connection, but a PINEAPPLE? In the ocean?

Why, I'd sooner believe that America would vote GW Bush into office again.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck, they come out of what appears to be his head!!! xpost

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

He looks like he's got mold spots. Cheesebob Moldspots

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

His pet is a snail that meows.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

And his best friend is a starfish.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

nothing makes any sense anymore

― sgs (sgs), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

That part doesn't sound so bad to me.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

haha xpost!

― sgs (sgs), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I only ever saw one episode and he was working in a burger bar. Clearly an accurate portrayal of marine biology was not on the minds of his creators.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I admit that as a direct result of watching Spongebob, whenever my son gets cranky, I call him Krabby Patty.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 4 November 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

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