Will he ever go away?

Whoa, that was weird. I was in the process of composing a long reply, and the thread disappeared.

Wow. I don't really know what advice to tell you. I mean, in some ways, it really *never* goes away. This person had such an effect on your life, and you're only human to still respond to it. Don't be hard on yourself for being upset by it. It *is* upsetting. But by the same token, don't dwell on it. Think about all the changes you have made in your life in the intervening four years, think about how much better off you are without him, and then do your best to mentally change the subject.

I'm sorry that I can't say anything more helpful. I've been in a similar situation (emotionally abusive and controlling ex, rather than physically abusive per se) and I still sometimes feel nauseous even when I see his name. It's been three years at this point, so I mean, I'm looking to you for advice as you're ahead of me there!

Thanks for the response...
I wasn't expecting to react this way--weirdly, when I saw him all I could think about was the fact that I looked like shit (I was at the end of my clothes--needing desperately to do the laundry) and he's all style-y. Right before I burst into tears, one of the girls I was with made a comment about him being good looking (not her fault, she didn't know) and that was just the icing on the cake.

Ah, I'm sorry. It's very hard to get over these things. Kate is right on this - don't feel bad that you felt bad, if you see what I mean. It is your past, not your present.

Thanks to you as well.

are guys ever in abusive relationships, or is it just that men are all bastards?

I used to fear terribly that I'd run into this guy I had a very unhealthy, obsessive relationship with - I'd broken with him, but I was *sure* if he ever talked to me again, I'd be under his spell once more.

About a decade after the last time I saw him, I ran into him in another state all the way across the continent. I was overwhelmed with relief - he had no power over me at all!

My opinion - it hadn't quite been enough time yet for you. It'll happen. Take care of yourself - do comforting things like taking a bubble bath, going to a silly movie, whatever it takes to get that icky feeling gone. You're stronger now than you were now, and soon you'll be strong enough that he'll just be a bit of the past.