The Ideal Newspaper

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If you were given a fortune and told you had to spend it to start a newspaper, what would it be like?

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Among other things, I would have a stand-alone "Crime" section, both because I like to read about crimes and because it would look great coming right behind the "Arts" section.

Tell me about your ideal newspaper: title, sections, special features, publication frequency, beats, etc.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

The only stipulations: no glossy bits, no lifestyle columnists, no fashion, no 'best buys' and no adverts. If only.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

QUANTUM GOSSIP

― LSTD (answer) (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Page 1 - always divided into two columns - Bad News headline on left, Good News headline on right - and not just 'nuclear war vs cat rescued by puppy' type shit either
Page 2 - no-one ever reads page 2 of anything do they? ad space
Page 3 - kids sent in drawings of things
Page 4 - more about the good and bad news mentioned on page 1
Pages 5-9 - other good and bad news - split on every page as with page 1
Page 10 - opinion/think piece - written by an ILXor selected at random: this week, chantel taylor on how being a thickie isn't all peaches and cream
Pages 11-32 - plagiarising ILE and various blogs about this that and the other
Page 33 - teh funnies, including regular strips by jel, al ewing and the adventures of charlie busted by the barnet ape
Page 34 - other coffee break bollocks
Page 35 - telly guide, written by my mate j0e
Page 36 - the football results
Page 37 - reports on last night's football (with other sport in a stamp-sized box)
Page 38 - football headlines

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Special Feature (4 year run): "Punishment": scoffing at the mistakes of our elected leaders

― youn, Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

photo stories by TOMBOT

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Page 3 = kittens

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

What a great idea for a thread.
I'd have two columnists of wildly opposing views writing each leader, for balance.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

(the satanic Mail did this a few years ago. But J0hn Junor and Julie Burch1ll? Who cares?)

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

All excellent ideas so far.

I really like the Wall Street Journal's illustrations, but I don't think they take the concept far enough. I'd have a beautifully illustrated line drawing of the day's top story on the front page.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

All political news to be communicated through comic strips.
Serialised high-brow novels C19th stylee and short stories.
Full-page graphic art repros between sections.
Jeffrey Bernard writing from the grave.

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

obviously it should open in the opposite direction and have the sports at the front - as that's how I read the paper anyway.

I've said this before somewhere........

― Porkpie (porkpie), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

HAIKU NEWS
NEWS POP-UPS (like in childrens books)
MORE WALL STREET JOURNAL-STYLE LINE DRAWINGS
ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF TOTAL LACK OF OBJECTIVITY IN MEDIA

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I would allow my writers to use whatever levels of foul language they deem necessary. I'd also make up words on a weekly basis an insist they get used regularly until my inevitable firing.

Oh! The cover photo will be paint by numbers!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I would like to call my newspaper "The Reverberator," and for Chris Ware to design the masthead.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

mad lib news.

― sgs (sgs), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

There should be a reporter whose beat is "animals." Everybody loves to read newspaper stories about animals: heartwarming dog and cat stories, rodeo bulls, escaped zoo creatures, rogue alligators, etc.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh, I'd also have a choice of at least two different cryptic crosswords and every day would be like April 1st, with one fake story.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Crosswords in mine would have clues written by Dan Perry and Ken C. A bit like Private Eye's.

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes! An entire page of puzzles!

I like the fake story idea, too. Most newspapers probably end up doing this anyway, they just don't realize it.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.americanantiquarian.org/Exhibitions/Womanswork/Factory/Factorygarland.jpg

Here's a nice masthead.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:28 (twenty-one years ago)

(when my mom removed some old linoleum in her house, she found a bunch of Pittsfield newspapers that had been used as padding--they were from 1918, before the first world war ended. Lots of society pages and ads for corsets.)

― sgs (sgs), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone else here read Nicholson Baker's Double-fold? It makes me want to read a whole bunch of newpapers.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like to read that. I read the New Yorker article it grew out of (or maybe the article was an excerpt). I wonder how his newspaper collecting is going.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 24 November 2004 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

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