C/D: Pretending to be aloof, so someone will be more attracted to you

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What do all of you people think about pretending to be more casual or aloof than you really are to a love interest? I'm not normally one to edit my behavior, but maybe this is a crucial thing to do sometimes. Opinions?

― She Bangs, Saturday, 22 January 2005 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

THIS NEVER, EVER WORKS

― ryan (ryan), Saturday, 22 January 2005 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

you have to actually be aloof.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 22 January 2005 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

It NEVER works?

― She Bangs (plsmith), Saturday, 22 January 2005 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

What if they're totally attracted to you, and you've been "intimate", but they're not interested in a serious relationship? So you act a little more casual that you really feel, and no one gets overwhelmed or scared away. Then, eventually, everyone is on the same page, and you live happily ever after. That's reasonable, right?

― She Bangs (plsmith), Saturday, 22 January 2005 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

THIS NEVER, EVER WORKS.

(actually it has worked on me so maybe it does. Hm. Still)

(the last post makes sense, yeah)

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Saturday, 22 January 2005 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

She Bangs, ironically, as you ponder affecting aloofness, you may have been played by someone acting "more interested" for the sole purpose of getting "intimate." Acting more aloof now on your part might make no difference whatsoever. It is a typical man-trick to angle the non-man into a position where s/he is left feeling as though there's something more s/he should be doing to turn the boof into love when all the man was after was a good boofing.

But then again what do I know.

― dan salvage, Saturday, 22 January 2005 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Classic in the sense that every single person I know does this to some degree.

― mouse (mouse), Saturday, 22 January 2005 17:28 (twenty-one years ago)

what RJG said. if you're not aloof but you try and act like you are... you're acting a lie. people can see through this, enough to know there's something weird going on, that you're not quite 100% somehow. nobody's this good an actor, even professionals. or, what RJG said.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 22 January 2005 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

if you act aloof and it "works" then you will find yourself shifting gears rather suddenly (to being very not-aloof), which may scare the person. so it's best just to be yourself.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 22 January 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

or, what tracer said.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Saturday, 22 January 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

ONE CANNOT ANALYSE LOVE! DOING SUCH REMOVES ALL ITS MAGIC AND TURNS IT INTO SOMETHING TRITE!

― MY FAVOURITE LIGHTER IS CHEESEBURGER (trigonalmayhem), Saturday, 22 January 2005 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

What if they're totally attracted to you, and you've been "intimate", but they're not interested in a serious relationship? So you act a little more casual that you really feel

DUDE HAVE I BEEN THERE

I don't really know if it's what works or not, but I always act aloof, and I'm generally not lacking for ass.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 22 January 2005 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

i have tried to do that but i fail after about 2 hours and i start missing the other person too much.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 22 January 2005 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this can work better for gals than for guys though. Guys like to pursue - so if the woman acts aloof, they generally will keep trying. I think it works different if the guy is acting aloof - the woman is more likely to just write him off as a stuck-up idiot. I generally don't try to act aloof around women that I'm interested in, but at the same time I feel an instinctive hesitation to be too forward or too obvious - it may be just the fear of rejection. I'm not sure if that's the same as being aloof, although it may come across the same.

― o. nate (onate), Saturday, 22 January 2005 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Pretending to be aloof: Dud

Instead of acting aloof, just being a bit more casual that you're actually feeling: Classic

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 22 January 2005 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

cultivate an actual aloofness

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 22 January 2005 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

i usually stare at girls for a very long

― John (jdahlem), Saturday, 22 January 2005 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

time.

― John (jdahlem), Saturday, 22 January 2005 21:31 (twenty-one years ago)

How long was the pause there?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 22 January 2005 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

After reading this thread, the word 'aloof' has lost all meaning for me. Really. I've got no idea what sort of behaviour it's meant to mean.

― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 22 January 2005 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I do but I wouldn't mind if I didn't.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 22 January 2005 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

FUCK! I think I know what my problem is..

I've been pretending to be a LOAF all this time to try and catch girls' attention. I just misheard the word. Dammit!

― donut christ (donut), Saturday, 22 January 2005 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

It could have been worse. You could have been pretending to be a sandwich filling, to make them think you're good in bread.

― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 22 January 2005 22:29 (twenty-one years ago)

But then they'd only want you for your dough.

― C J (C J), Saturday, 22 January 2005 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Or, if you were lucky, your salted butter.

― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 22 January 2005 22:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, there are different kinds of aloof. For instance, suppose you know a girl who you have the hots for who really likes Pearl Jam and she asks you whether you like them too. Now usually the thought of listening to Pearl Jam makes you ill - but a little voice in your head tells you that maybe they aren't so bad after all. So do you tell her the truth - that you don't dig them - and come off as being aloof, or do you kind of fudge it a bit, or do you give in completely and pretend that they're your favorite band? Or maybe you should say, "Well I never liked them much before, but if you like them, maybe I've been missing something." But that might seem kind of creepy and stalker-ish.

― o. nate (onate), Saturday, 22 January 2005 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

See, what I would do is go even further in the direction I was inclined toward, and be all GOD, THEY SUCK A MILE OF WANG and the guy would cry. I am a hopeless romantic.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 22 January 2005 23:56 (twenty-one years ago)

answer to o.nate's situation: i'd say something like "I haven't heard too much of their stuff really," which is both true AND aloof.

― eman (eman), Sunday, 23 January 2005 00:41 (twenty-one years ago)

also, is there a thin line dividing being aloof and being coy, or are they the same?

― eman (eman), Sunday, 23 January 2005 00:43 (twenty-one years ago)

sad but true: this works
best in a relationship.
how do I know? um.....

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 23 January 2005 00:46 (twenty-one years ago)

-- She Bangs (luomofan42...), January 22nd, 2005.

You should never, never, never, do this, and the reason is because it DOES work, and then you end up stuck in a relationship with someone who doesn't like you. If you're always honest about your feelings, you'll scare away the people who don't like you, and that is a GOOD THING. You can be a master psychologist, a master manipulator, and you'll just end up in the wrong place.

Like for instance, I've been in relationships where I've articulated my feelings hysterically, ended up being dumped, and look back and think now (tho it was painful at the time) that that was great, and I'm so proud of myself for being a hysterical articulator.

On the other hand, I've started relationships on the basis of my duplicitous (sp?) pretense to be 'easy going', and they were an utter nightmare.

― aldkf, Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Well I saw a girl acting all aloof the other night and she looked gorgeous. In the end I ran out after her to ask her to have a drink as she walked out the door. Turned out she was only aloof 'cos she was on her lonesome.

But when I act aloof no one chases after me... therefore, Dud.

― Tannenbaum Schmidt (Nik), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, this might sound sexist ("sexy, what's wrong with being sexy?") but I think acting aloof only works if (A) you're a chiX0r or (B) you're Johnny Depp.

― o. nate (onate), Sunday, 23 January 2005 01:39 (twenty-one years ago)

my experience has been that the same girls initially attracted by an aloof guy end up breaking it off for just precisely that, which is bad news for those who aren't faking/cultivating being aloof.

― eman (eman), Sunday, 23 January 2005 05:52 (twenty-one years ago)

^ attracted to, not "by"

it's silly to purposely not show interest when you are interested aka "play hard to get."

― eman (eman), Sunday, 23 January 2005 06:01 (twenty-one years ago)

ooooh baby, the way you act like you don't care just rubs me right.

http://www.floridata.com/ref/l/images/luff_ae5.jpg

― Hella Fitzgerald (JasonD), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:37 (twenty-one years ago)

ihttp://www.theexperiment.org/media/ohreallyLG.jpg

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 23 January 2005 07:49 (twenty-one years ago)

5xposts: aloof girl and I just spent the evening drinking. Therefore: Classic!!!!!!!!!!!

― Tannenbaum Schmidt (Nik), Sunday, 23 January 2005 22:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks for the advice, guys!

― She Bangs (plsmith), Sunday, 23 January 2005 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Hah just an hour ago i went into a arts supply store and as i walked in there was this cute girl at the counter who looked over. At the same time one of the employees (a silly older man) was walking right towards me and we bumped right into each other. I must have discarded all peripheral vision but it was pretty funny.

Don't think that qualifies as 'aloof', maybe clumsy. Clumsiness certainly deserves its own thread.

― Adam Bruneau (oliver8bit), Sunday, 23 January 2005 23:48 (twenty-one years ago)

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