Together Forever- C or D?

um -- not to the extreme of feeling rejected like you, but it's basically the same with us. We really only do it a couple times a month and we both had a good chuckle recently over the realization that we both masturbate. I spank it when she falls asleep on the couch, but I have no idea when she does. I guess before I get home from work.

Sex is overrated unless you're getting porn star sex. It's easier to cuddle, kiss and be friends, then go in the other room and spank it furiously to fake forced sex scenes! (Hm, I think I just noticed something about myself.)

have you thought of couples counseling? There could be underlying reasons why she desires it less than you. If nothing else it could help the two of you come to a more aggreable understanding.

I think we're both wary of counselling, as if even to open these issues up would be to admit defeat/despair. It's not like we don't talk about what's happening. I end up feeling shallow for wanting a sexual relationship. I think she ends up feeling guilty for not wanting one. I think we're lost to each other, but I don't want that to be the case.

Ask her if she's not up for putting out if she minds if you find it elsewhere. She probably will and it will give her some things to think about like: why she doesn't want you to screw others, what she likes about you, if she'd rather keep you than lose you.

I think couples councelling is really a setting/excuse to basically ask this sort of question, anyway. So just ask the question. As for my relationship, I know I won't get porn star sex, so I'm content to not get any. Wacking off is much easier and I've become quite fond of it.

You cannot wake the dead without powerful juju. Even if you do it will not be the same. Two people are two people. They do not move as one. Move on your own path. You may find someone else to walk with you for a while. Cherish that. As for the other bitch... have her eat your shit.

How insightful.

Resolute, I feel where you're coming from. I'm happy to wank the day away. This doesn't even seem sexual any more.

I get real blank. I was talking to a smart, pretty woman in the pub tonight. I thought she was into me. I tried to touch her hand, two seconds later she's run away. Is it me or my state? Jeezus knows.

Being this empty doesn't seem to offer much point. I'm kind of aping existence. And thinking there are insoluble problems denying the dawn of the permissive society. Getting dead cold. Thanks for glistening.

I like the first two sentences a lot!

Loggus, maybe you are putting too much of an emphasis on what you think you need and the more you think about it, the worse your situation appears? "As a man thinks, so he is." Know what I mean. Easier said than done, I know. To change your perspective, I mean. Life is to be lived moment to moment, not to be lived for something. Enjoy the moment.

Love is a mathematical equation: give and take. 1/2 + 1/2 = 1, not 1 + 1 = 2. A half can not be complete without the other half, and so there is no love.

Absence of love is like water and fire: a little quickens it, a lot extinguishes it.

That comes off real pretentious, but I didn't make all that shit up myself, so don't blame me. It might apply to your relationship, though. I know it applies to mine and I think it's good advice!

Loggus - has she said why she doesn't want sex any more? Was she always reluctant to get it on? Or has she always had some kind of hang-up about it?

People in long term relationships do get a bit bored with the same-old same-old of course, but that can usually be resurrected by injecting a bit of spice into things. I can't help thinking that, for someone to have gone off sex altogether (esp when, if done properly, it makes you feel so good) there has to be more to it than simple boredom.

Without meaning to sound horrible and accusatory ..... are you any good at it? I'm not suggesting here that you are some unskilled fumbling fool who ejaculates prematurely, farts, rolls over and goes to sleep leaving her sitting up in bed staring round the room like a startled meerkat, but if sex has always been unfulfilling and unsatisfactory for her, that might explain why she doesn't consider doing it often to be a high priority in your relationship. It can all-to-easily become yet another chore, something to be mentally ticked off on a list along with defrosting the fridge and cleaning the bathroom.

Are you close, as a couple? Are you otherwise tactile? Do you hug and kiss and hold hands?

Does she want your relationship to survive? Do you?

I think CJ has posed all of the questions that need to be addressed. There must be some underlying reason why she doesn't want to have sex anymore. If it is just a lack of libido, she could address her diet & include more zinc & some exercise. It;s easy to fall into a habit of no sex, but you sometimes have to just break that cycle.

If you are both masturbating, then maybe you could try it together.

Can't say it was ever a problem for Laura and I. We started serious family planning in June 2001 and there was no lack of enthusiasm or libido there. And then the fucking cancer struck. Shows you what happens when you make plans.

Yeah, together forever...that would have been nice and we would have been...perhaps in the next and hopefully better world...

Haven’t been with someone forever so I can’t comment. Did spend 3 years with someone, which was good until it ended. Oh well…

I don't care to project too much of my personal stuff here but don't think of counseling as an "excuse". Instead, like others, I'd really suggest to try to figure out if there's an underlying reason to the lack of activity.