Who on ilE DOESN'T masturbate?

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

you mean while reading ILE? no one sure.y

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:22 (twenty-one years ago)

let my typo prove my point.

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha!

― The Ghost of He Meant "Are There Any IlXors Who DON'T Masturbate?" (Eastern Mant, Friday, 3 June 2005 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, perhaps I'm delving into the realm of the TMI here, but I don't. When you never start, you never feel the pressure to start, y'know? You also don't see the allure of starting. Maybe this is just the little bit of an asexual being left in me, but when I have crushes on real, actual people (you know, as opposed to celeb crushes), I only go so far as to fantasizing about maybe hugging and kissing them closed-mouthed on the lips. Anything more is just a weird mystery to me.

― The Kind and Benevolent Oracle of Dee (Dee the Lurker), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

arent you curious?

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

if you *never* fantasize about sex, how do you know what you want to do when it actually comes time for Teh Nasty?

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 3 June 2005 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

WEIRDO

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean even if i didnt like it or want to do it, im pretty i would try it at least once!

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

"close your eyes and think of england, dear."

― strng hlkngtn, Friday, 3 June 2005 21:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, perhaps I'm delving into the realm of the TMI here, but I don't. When you never start, you never feel the pressure to start, y'know?

if you've never had an orgasm, you need to have one, and soon. doesn't matter by what method, just do it. it will change your life. (i'm not kidding, though i wouldn't blame you for ignoring the advice of someone logged out.)
(i mean, you seem like someone with so much energy that's trapped and isn't getting out, so much repressed anger and rage and pain...)
(also ALL women need to know how to have their own orgasm, because expecting their first lover/husband to figure it all out is a fast road to disaster and many wasted years)

― no name given, Friday, 3 June 2005 21:44 (twenty-one years ago)

The Gift of Masturbation is pretty much the only indication to me of the possibility of a benevolent deity. Embrace it.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

When you never start, you never feel the pressure to start, y'know?

This is not a pressure that I resent at all. It's free. It's fun. And I never turn myself down.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, you need to masturbate. all the time. or else you are weird and you hate fun. try it!

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

the sex drive is so deeply hard-wired into humanity - it's one of the strongest behavioral control mechanisms our genes posess - I have a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of a human brain that is not in some way preoccupied with sex.

(and hey, just on a physical level, male masturbation reduces risk of prostate cancer. I'd be surprised if there weren't some complimentary benefits on the female side of things too. otherwise, the mental/hormonal/emotional benefits of a regularly satisfied sex drive seem fairly obvious to me.)

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 3 June 2005 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, like you don't walk down the street randomly strangling people from the tension

― strng hlkngtn, Friday, 3 June 2005 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

*to a Gap Band-type rhythm* "Celebrate! Masturbate!"

― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

THESE PIPES ARE CLEAN!

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Caitlin, what are you doing out of bed?

― Ian Riese-Moraine's yoghurt gun! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Geez, don't make the girl feel bad.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

you can masturbate anywhere xpost

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. and i dont necessarily think having an orgasm will change her life, either.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

While I too think self-gratification is way cool, I don't think people who don't do it are weird.

xposts

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not trying to make her feel bad, but I do have an intellectual curiosity about how an asexual person physically and mentally differs from the other 99% of the population. Cuz there's gotta be some physical, psychocemical, genetic, hormonal, or whatever explanation for someone's internal wiring to be so different.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

i was being kind of sarcastic! but i suspect you might have been brought up to think it was wrong? i don't know.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

i won't bring my kids up to think it's wrong. when they're bothering me, i'm going to say, "go play outside or masturbate or something, why don't you?!"

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

i was brought up to think it was wrong, but then i've always been a loner and a rebel

― strng hlkngtn, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I have mixed feelings of "ILX out of Dee's Pants" and "man, I sure appreciated learning about this act." Basically I just don't want to see this turn into some goofy ILE version of the Britney Spears/Jessica Simpson "when they gonna DO it?" thing.

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i dont see why it would have to be genetic! it's really not weird, and even if it were, it still wouldnt have to be genetic... people choose to behave in an infinite variety of ways. also when i ws a virgin i didnt know how to visualize non-3rd person observer sex either, even though i did masturbate!

― dj, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)

the only way in which discovering orgasms changed my life is in going through more kleenex.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't do it anymore. I can't be bothered. I have given up on sex in all it's forms.

― Hate the sinner but love the sin / Kate (papa november), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

orgasms have improved my life. not drastically, but they're pretty good.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

the day i give up on masturbation is the day i am in the iron lung

― strng hlkngtn, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

cam you kinda hump the inside of an iron lung? cuz maybe not even then

― strng hlkngtn, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

otm xpost

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

There'll always be nurses.

― KKSF, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

i can't wait until i'm an old man

― strng hkngtn, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:28 (twenty-one years ago)

"can't wait"

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i wish that instead of harping on abstinence and marriage and crap, el presidente bush would launch a pro-jerking-it campaign.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

you don't think he's a walking advertisement for a jerk off?

― oops (Oops), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

laura sez he only likes to jerk off horses.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

"it's really not weird, and even if it were, it still wouldnt have to be genetic... "

I didn't say it was specifically genetic, I was just listing possibilities - and it isn't the "does not masturbate" thing that I think is weird (because yes, there are all sorts of reasons people might not masturbate - moral misgivings, lack of energy, etc.), it's more the lack of interest in sex at all, the lack of a desire to even entertain fantasies about it, that strikes me as weird. Nothing wrong with it either - it's just anamolous, and hence I am curious about it.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

A lot of women I've talked to have claimed that they wouldn't even have known quite how to get themselves off from sex if they hadn't masturbated, but I've always thought that was just an excuse to justify the rising electricity bills from overuse of their Hitachi Magic Wands.

I've never met a post-pubescent guy who has believeably claimed to have never masturbated. Has anyone?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"i wish that instead of harping on abstinence and marriage and crap, el presidente bush would launch a pro-jerking-it campaign."

I want to see hand jobs and fisting be the FOCUS of the next three years. Free latex gloves and KY for everyone!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:42 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost
i think she quite plainly is interested in sex - has crushes on celebs and non-celebs alike! a lack of experience wd necessitate a different approach to dealing w these feelings tho. and she doesnt want to masturbate! i dunno why exactly not, its probly better if she speaks for herself. i can understand that if you hadnt started, you wdnt really need to start. cos like the longer you go without it the easier it is to forget about it.

― dj, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

"i think she quite plainly is interested in sex - has crushes on celebs and non-celebs alike! "

yeah, but the extent of these crushes is thking about hugging and maybe a little closed-mouth kissing, which, I hate to say it, is closer to a prebuscent's conception of love/sex than anything most adults would come up with. I mean, that's the kind of innocent thing any 5-year-old can pick up and act upon.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Shakey cool it. Whether you are intending to or not, this is getting mean.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

i wish that instead of harping on abstinence and marriage and crap, el presidente bush would launch a pro-jerking-it campaign.

Former Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders to thread!

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Poor Jocelyn Elders.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry sorry, I'm not trying to be mean. Honest! I am genuinely perplexed. sincere apologies, this is tricky stuff to discuss.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

It is tricky - and fwiw, I don't think you're being mean... it's an unusual thing in this mastubatory day and age.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:53 (twenty-one years ago)

it's also not the type of thing you're going to figure out by interrogating one person on a message board.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm wondering if there are iron lung fetishists now. Kinky.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

well, we've already scared her off by the looks of it, so until someone else shows up (A. Nairn?) I guess we can safely conclude that ILM is just a bunch of regular, run-of-the-mill, pole-pullin, clit-rubbin, sex-addicted folks.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't, all that much, if you gotta know. don't really know why. i think about sex all the time.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 3 June 2005 23:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, shakey, if you're not intending to be a prick, you're doing a piss-poor job of it.

― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Friday, 3 June 2005 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Did N0w3ll ever do the deed? I have recently seen a post or two from her.

― nickn (nickn), Friday, 3 June 2005 23:07 (twenty-one years ago)

i won't bring my kids up to think it's wrong. when they're bothering me, i'm going to say, "go play outside or masturbate or something, why don't you?!"

BEST. MOMMY. EVER.

― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 3 June 2005 23:16 (twenty-one years ago)

― Ian John50n (orion), Friday, 3 June 2005 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm out!

― it was the woman across the street, Saturday, 4 June 2005 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

At Shakey's request, I'll instigate a little here. This is what I think you mean by saying these:

And I never turn myself down.

And I am addicted to it and it controls me.

I've never met a post-pubescent guy who has believeably claimed to have never masturbated. Has anyone?

I will never believe a post-pubescent guy's claim to have never masturbated.

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:21 (twenty-one years ago)

oh lord. you are whackt.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:23 (twenty-one years ago)

letting it control you can be a function of making yourself NOT do it as much as the other way around i think. especially if it's related to some notion of denying yourself pleasure in order to be more "pure" or whathaveyou--it's just ruling your life in reverse fashion. evangelicals are obsessed with sex.

― ryan (ryan), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Cuz there's gotta be some physical, psychocemical, genetic, hormonal, or whatever explanation for someone's internal wiring to be so different.

there are things that can happen ouside of one's control to shut off this internal wiring and make you different from everyone else.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:27 (twenty-one years ago)

some physical, psychocemical, genetic, hormonal, or whatever explanation?
temporary or permenant asexuality is not unnatural. (although probably the Evolutionist would say it is useless and unatural)

For males the natural bodily function for sexual release is through nocturnal emission, when you disrupt that with masturbation (especially excessive amounts) you trick your body into thinking it has a mate, and it prematurely reaches a stage of life. This lessons the appreciation of that stage of life when it really does occur.

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

like i said.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

IT IS A SIN

― kyle (akmonday), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

evangelicals are obsessed with sex

I wouldn't say obsessed, but it is definately considered a good thing, and is much more enjoyable and enriching when used for what it is designed for. (i.e. in marriage)

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

not toothpaste?

― kyle (akmonday), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

adultery is a sin. lustful thought of adultery is too.

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

well isn't just about everything, from sex to a morning cup of coffee, better when you have someone with whom you are deeply in love to share it?

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:51 (twenty-one years ago)

this kind of relates to this topic:
http://www.gotquestions.org/masturbation-sin.html

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:51 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah fair enough A Nairn. that's an opinion i can't argue with.

evangelicals was a stupid word choice. to put it more simply: even someone who decides to be celibate is letting sex control them in a negative fashion.

― ryan (ryan), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang on - what?

and is much more enjoyable and enriching when used for what it is designed for. (i.e. in marriage)

Can you explain this? Are you saying its better to masturbate than have sex with your married partner? I'm not sure I follow. Perhaps I've misunderstood?

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean it's better to have moral sex instead of immoral sex.

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Moral sex = there's a lesson at the end of it?

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"And so what have we learned today?"

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:57 (twenty-one years ago)

If I visualize myself while masturbating, is that a sin?

― recursion (mike h.), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Nairn - ah yeah, I see I misread you now.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 4 June 2005 03:58 (twenty-one years ago)

The thread title should have been, "Who among us does not enjoy masturbation?"

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:00 (twenty-one years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v335/gypsyfrocksbedlam/kerry.jpg

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:03 (twenty-one years ago)

If I visualize myself while masturbating, is that a sin?

Maybe, this would probably be something to ask the conscience.

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:03 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.goldenworldtravel.com/gifs/jiminy.gif

― The Father of Honky-Crunk (Matt Chesnut), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:06 (twenty-one years ago)

have any of you ever refrained from masturbating before a sporting event?

― Nellie (nellskies), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Always, much better to wait until the seventh-inning stretch.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Less talking, more masturbating!

― luna (luna.c), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:33 (twenty-one years ago)

you must not be circumsized.
xpost

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:35 (twenty-one years ago)

-- A Nairn

Is this why I'm not getting laid?

― Richard K (Richard K), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:42 (twenty-one years ago)

This is among the weirdest things I've ever read...

― paulhw (paulhw), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:44 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry Richard, x-post.

― paulhw (paulhw), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:44 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man

― sleep (sleep), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:47 (twenty-one years ago)

wait, how does someone's body "reach a stage of life" through an act? what does this physically mean?

― sleep (sleep), Saturday, 4 June 2005 04:50 (twenty-one years ago)

http://tn7.deviantart.com/300W/fs6.deviantart.com/i/2005/065/5/4/Pikachu_And_Raichu_by_Almiras.jpg

DUH

― Allyzay flies casual (allyzay), Saturday, 4 June 2005 05:46 (twenty-one years ago)

wait, how does someone's body "reach a stage of life" through an act?

Dante put it best:
"Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
Mi trovai masturbandomi furiosamente in una selva scura"

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 4 June 2005 09:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I could have answered this question in the afffirmative if it had been "who on ILE HASN'T had a nocturnal emission".

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 4 June 2005 09:26 (twenty-one years ago)

eleven years pass...

BEST. MOMMY. EVER.

― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, June 4, 2005 12:16 AM (eleven years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― meh 😐 (wins), Thursday, 8 September 2016 20:17 (nine years ago)

Viv Albertine's autobiography starts with:

1. MASTURBATION
Never did it. Never wanted to do it. There was no reason not to, no oppression, I wasn’t told it was wrong and I don’t think it’s wrong. I just didn’t think of it at all. I didn’t naturally want to do it, so I didn’t know it existed. By the time my hormones
kicked in, at about thirteen years old, I was being felt-up by boys and that was enough for me. Bit by bit the experimentation went further until I first had sex with my regular boyfriend when I was fifteen. We were together for three years and are still friends now, which I think is nice. In all the time since my first sexual experience I haven’t masturbated, although I did try once after being nagged by friends when I complained I was lonely.

― Half-baked profundities. Self-referential smirkiness (Bob Six), Thursday, 8 September 2016 21:27 (nine years ago)

I mean it's better to have moral sex instead of immoral sex.
― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, June 4, 2005 3:56 AM (eleven years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahahahaha i had forgotten all about a. nairn

― Rob Boss (latebloomer), Friday, 9 September 2016 00:42 (nine years ago)

bump delivers

― until the next, delayed, glaciation (map), Friday, 9 September 2016 01:06 (nine years ago)

masturbating prevents accidentally delivering a bump

― Neanderthal, Friday, 9 September 2016 02:44 (nine years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.