BLOODRAYNE: THE MOVIE! Uwe Boll is still a talentless hack!

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WHY THE FUCK is BEN KINGSLEY in this piece of shit?

Also, UDO KIER! MEAT LOAF! and BILLY ZANE!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383222/

For those of you who don't remember, Uwe Boll was the schmuck who made "Alone in the Dark" earlier this year, which featured Tara Reid as a SCIENTIST!

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:25 (twenty years ago)

If Udo Kier and Meatloaf are in this there is no possible way it's a piece of shit.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:31 (twenty years ago)

http://www.lecinema.net/imagescrit/bloodrayneint01.jpg

For those who don't know, Bloodrayne was a video game that game out about 3 years ago. It was notable for 4 things:

http://www.the-nextlevel.com/reviews/xbox/bloodrayne/box.jpg-Vampires
-Tittays
-Nazis
-Blood

Now, they gave the license to a German production company, who by law can't have nazis in the movie, so they set it in the mid-18th Century and gave michael madsen a Braveheart/Highlander haircut.

for those of you keeping score, Uwe is also making the movie version of Far Cry.

Far Cry (2006) (announced)
Fear Effect (2006) (announced)
Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (announced)
Night Claws (2005) (announced)
Dungeon Siege (2006) (filming)
Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)
Alone in the Dark (2005)
House of the Dead (2003)

As one of the thread titles on the imdb board says, "YOUR BELOVED HALO IS NEXT! THERE IS NO STOPPING IT!"

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:35 (twenty years ago)

forget Alone In the Dark, what about House of the Dead, gahh...

― gear (gear), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:35 (twenty years ago)

oh but her i like

― gear (gear), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:36 (twenty years ago)

come to gear

― gear (gear), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:36 (twenty years ago)

-Vampires
-Tittays
-Nazis
-Blood

So what if they lost the Nazis. They kept all of the good stuff and added UDO KIER! This cannot fail to be brilliant.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:38 (twenty years ago)

not that the original game was any good, mind you, but one wonders why decent actors are actually involved in this. the flick looks like one of the sub-USA Network movies, the kind that Joe Bob Briggs would review in his columns.

in other news, I wish Joe Bob Briggs was still on the Daily Show. And Frank DeCaro.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:39 (twenty years ago)

It's written by the same woman who wrote the screenplay for American Psycho and the indie lesbian flick Go Fish! I've never seen a video game flick in my life, but this one I might check out.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:40 (twenty years ago)

WATCH THE TRAILER!

it looks worse than the Highlander TV show, or any show that lost its budget when it got picked up by the Sci-Fi Channel.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:41 (twenty years ago)

Wow, also Michelle Rodriguez and Michael Madsen.

Bring me wampires Billy Zane.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 8 August 2005 05:46 (twenty years ago)

two links of relevance"

1) HAHAHAH "Alone in the Dark" the movie! Starring Christian Slater and Tara Reid as a SCIENTIST!

and

2) the experiences of two folks working on an early draft of AotD, and what happened when Uwe started suggesting "changes", found here

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:12 (twenty years ago)

It's written by the same woman who wrote the screenplay for American Psycho and the indie lesbian flick Go Fish! I've never seen a video game flick in my life, but this one I might check out.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), August 8th, 2005.

guinevere turner wrote this?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:14 (twenty years ago)

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0877587/

Writer - filmography

The Notorious Bettie Page (2006) (post-production)
Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)
Hung (2005)
"The L Word" (2004) TV Series (writer)
Hummer (2003)
Spare Me (2001)
American Psycho (2000) (screenplay)
Go Fish (1994)

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:17 (twenty years ago)

Apparently the writer is also, according to her fan site, a "lesbian icon". So maybe there'll be some HOT LESBIAN VAMPIRE ACTION in this one.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:31 (twenty years ago)

watch the trailers. there a tagline in there somewhere about

"SHE LUSTS, SHE FEASTS, SHE KILLS"

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:33 (twenty years ago)

two links of relevance

After reading those I really want to see this!

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:35 (twenty years ago)

I'm not that familiar with the GLBT scene in the US... Is this Guinevere Turner well-known there?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:39 (twenty years ago)

After reading those I really want to see this!

maybe it will be the new Stealth

Also, cue Calum coming in to defend Uwe in 5...4...3...2...

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:48 (twenty years ago)

calling Uwe on the set of "Dungeon Siege"

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 06:59 (twenty years ago)

they set it in the mid-18th Century and gave michael madsen a Braveheart/Highlander haircut

That sounds far scarier than nazis.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Monday, 8 August 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Ha ha, I just realized that I totally fucked up my "bring me wirgins" joke last night upthread.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 8 August 2005 20:42 (twenty years ago)

]]] you guys better get used to him making 1-2 videogames movies every year.
]] Not if he's dead!
] He has 50 game movies already made, waiting for release. You can kill him, but they'll keep on coming.

he's the tupac of videogame movies

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Monday, 8 August 2005 22:11 (twenty years ago)

you guys gotta read this entertaining entry:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Boll

However, Boll, an avid gamer himself, claims to be quite passionate about his work. He argues that not many people want to make video game adaptations and fans should be grateful he is at least trying. His Boll KG company slogan declares itself to be the "World Market Leader in Video Game Adaptations." He is currently in a bidding war for rights to Half-Life, Metal Gear Solid, and God of War....

[...]

Boll has also been criticized for what many perceive as excessive hubris. He has made statements comparing himself to directors such as Sergio Leone and David Lynch, despite the generally poor reception his movies have received, and has also stated that the poor performance of his movies is mainly due to "dumb audiences."

[...]

While under normal circumstances a director's movies could gross so little he's eventually shut out from every operating studio, Boll is exempt because he funds them under a loophole in German tax law that is supported by contributors and actually rewards movies that perform badly, via a writeoff at the end of the year...

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 22:21 (twenty years ago)

that is so rich.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 00:03 (twenty years ago)

That's DOCTOR Uwe to you!

― Leeeeeeee (Leee), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 03:56 (twenty years ago)

My god, I've never been so bored by a trailer.

― Leeeeeeee (Leee), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

You don't have big screenplay experience and after my bad experience on House Of Dead, I need a Top Script now. Your first script wasn't that. I want to be scared, intelligent, not boring, packed and surprising at the end.

...

WE MUST KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ALL THIS . LOOK in SIGNS THE AUDIENCE KNOWS THAT THE ALIENS WANTS TO DESTROY - SO HE AUDIENCE IS AFRAID. LIKE WHT YOU SAY ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN: WE DONT KNOW A LOT - BUT WE ARE FRAID - BECAUSE OF 11.9. - SO WITHOUT ANY INFORMATIONS ABOUT THE ALIENS WE ALL FEEL NOTHING - WE ARE ALL CONFUSED BUT LETS SAY YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE SHOWED AN ALIEN IN SIGN - IT WOULD BE A DESASTER - NOBODY WOULD TAKE IT SERIOUS!!

UWE BOLL = M4R1SSA MARCH4NT OF FILM!!

― richardk (Richard K), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

in other video game news, another German company is starting production on a Dead or Alive flick, with the chick who played Miho in Sin City as Kasumi.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0398913/

oh yeah, and get this, Kevin Nash will be "Bass." Perhaps Hogan was gunna charge too much.

rumors of a Tekken movie still flourish.

http://www.gamespot.com/news/2005/06/17/news_6127700.html

― kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 06:58 (twenty years ago)

five months pass...

Reviews are in

― kingfish pibb Xtra (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:05 (twenty years ago)

"OMG my hero has done it again oh Uwe I love you." -- Not C*l*m.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:09 (twenty years ago)

Isn't Peter Jackson doing the HALO movie?

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

Exec producing.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:28 (twenty years ago)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464037/

― kingfish pibb Xtra (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:28 (twenty years ago)

Holy shit, guillermo del toro looks creepy:
http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/52/00/58m.jpg

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:30 (twenty years ago)

"Starring Academy Award winner Ben Kingsley"

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 9 January 2006 20:54 (twenty years ago)

its really weird when a game whose plot is so derivative of like a zillion movies is itself made into a movie. it's like eating a regurgitated paste made from several different foods that's been reheated in the microwave for 25 seconds.

― latebloomer: Let's just say I do for bullshit what Stonehenge did for Rocks (lat, Monday, 9 January 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

and spread between two microwaves!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 9 January 2006 21:11 (twenty years ago)

in halo's case it'll proolly be two nicer, more expensive microwaves, but still...

― latebloomer: Let's just say I do for bullshit what Stonehenge did for Rocks (lat, Monday, 9 January 2006 21:13 (twenty years ago)

Now, they gave the license to a German production company, who by law can't have nazis in the movie

Can I just say this is not actually true?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 9 January 2006 22:10 (twenty years ago)

So there's no actual law preventing any display of nazi regalia, in a flick or otherwise?

― kingfish pibb Xtra (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 9 January 2006 22:32 (twenty years ago)

During the opening credits, Boll attempts some sweeping panoramas of the ancient landscape, but he's too damn lazy to wipe out a highway and a small, modern city.

God I hope this is true.

― robster (robster), Monday, 9 January 2006 22:42 (twenty years ago)

I mean, germany has laws banning Mein Kampf, the salute, and the use of nazi symbols, but is it not also banned in films as well?

― kingfish pibb Xtra (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 9 January 2006 23:09 (twenty years ago)

Now, they gave the license to a German production company, who by law can't have nazis in the movie

Can I just say this is not actually true?

Yeah, given that one of the biggest award-winning movies from Germany last year was href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0363163/">this, I wonder where this idea that German movies can't depict Nazis comes from?

― phil d. (Phil D.), Monday, 9 January 2006 23:45 (twenty years ago)

...they're really making a Halo movie? Oh dear god. I suppose HalfLife and Max Payne will be next, then.

Coming in 2008: The Sims: Livin' Large and Livin' for Real!

*kills self*

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 9 January 2006 23:47 (twenty years ago)

In fact if Uwe Boll makes a movie of the Sims with real actors and makes them talk sim gibberish, I will totally respect his ass.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 9 January 2006 23:48 (twenty years ago)

Crap: That fubared link should have been this.

― phil d. (Phil D.), Monday, 9 January 2006 23:50 (twenty years ago)

Well, whaddayaknow, looks like i was wrong. ah well.

― kingfish pibb Xtra (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 00:37 (twenty years ago)

Uwe Boll director commentary tracks are amazing.

― Zwan (miccio), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 00:59 (twenty years ago)

I like to pretend he's Mugatu.

― Zwan (miccio), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 01:00 (twenty years ago)

"The UltraStar employee explained that when he got into work last week, he noticed that the theater had received a copy of BloodRayne. This seemed odd because his particular theater generally shows films aimed more at the arthouse set. "I didn't want to build this and put it in my theater," he said, so he checked up with UltraStar higher-ups. It turns out that a computer error resulted in the print being sent to 5,500 more theaters nationwide than was intended."

hahaha!

― pompe vers le haut du volume (haitch), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 01:09 (twenty years ago)

except that Uwe Boll designed this to lose money, German tax loopholes being what they are...

― kingfish pibb Xtra (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 01:16 (twenty years ago)

France doesn't allow Nazi stuff, yes?

― Le Collaborateur (Leee), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 05:24 (twenty years ago)

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