My 5 y/o daughter has a joke - maybe you can explain it to me?

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Q. What is the difference between a soccer ball and a black ball?

A. A black soccer ball.

I've asked her to explain it, but she just rolls her eyes like I'm an idiot. Is it a koan?

― moley (moley), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

she's a witch.

― strng hlkngtn (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:49 (twenty years ago)

Maybe she meant "intersection" instead of "difference"?

Regardless, prepare the dunking stool.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:50 (twenty years ago)

she's a racist.

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:50 (twenty years ago)

she drunk

― kurt broder (dr g), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:55 (twenty years ago)

DRUNK RACIST WITCH OH NO

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:56 (twenty years ago)

she just rolls her eyes like I'm an idiot.

you're an idiot!

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:57 (twenty years ago)

That's brilliant!

― simian (dymaxia), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:58 (twenty years ago)

are you wearing a belt

― kurt broder (dr g), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 01:58 (twenty years ago)

oh man your daughter is a straight GENIUS

― Banana Nutrament (ghostface), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 02:08 (twenty years ago)

all 5 year olds jokes are koans. thass why they rule.

― Don King of the Mountain (noodle vague), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 02:10 (twenty years ago)

A friend and I took her five-year old daughter to an NHL exhibition game. It was the Nashville Predators versus the Dallas Stars. S asked what team were we going to root for, and I told her Nashville since we hated Texas and the white uniforms looked more like stormtroopers. The Stars were in black.

An African-American reporter from the local news came up and asked S if she was enjoying the game. She said yeah. Who was she rooting for? She paused. "The white team?" The reporter nodded her head and asked why's that? S stuck her finger to her lips and replied "Because I'm white?"

I looked over in time to see the semi-famous local reporter walking backwards down the stairs with this frozen, polite smile on her face. We left soon after that.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 02:54 (twenty years ago)

soccer ball and black ball = "pure",
something "between" would be different, "unpure", like a black soccer ball

― Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 03:36 (twenty years ago)

Ohhhhhhhh. Huh?

― jim wentworth (wench), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

A good joke is like gossamer, and one doesn't dissect gossamer.

― gh, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 04:29 (twenty years ago)

I think Sebastian is invoking a Platonic world of ideal forms here, which of course may lead to a number of own goals, logically speaking. There is a conceptual dualism in the Platonic view of concepts. That's the kicker.

― moley (moley), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

Much like a soccer ball.

― pr00de, where's my car? (pr00de), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 04:33 (twenty years ago)

Ah, but which is kicked and which is kicker? Here we find ourselves in a semantic liminal, transversing the traditional binary of subject and object, is and not is. Fascinating.

― pr00de, where's my car? (pr00de), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 04:38 (twenty years ago)

split the difference and you end up with a "black soccer ball".

Smart kid, actually!

― Fiddle Gibbets, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 04:38 (twenty years ago)

Jeezis, I spent 5 minutes trying to figure this when I realized the question wasn't about a "soccer ball and a black bull."

― Leeeeeeeee (Leee), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 04:44 (twenty years ago)

And then a few minutes later, I give up the entire endeavor.

― Leeeeeeeee (Leee), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 04:46 (twenty years ago)

split the difference and you end up with a "black soccer ball".

Smart kid, actually!

Actually, this is more like addition, huh? Maybe the answer should be a white soccer ball? But that's not funny at all for some reason.

― Fiddle Gibbets, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 05:01 (twenty years ago)

So it's nothing to do with having bruised balls from being hit in the crotch during a soccer game then?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 07:01 (twenty years ago)

Q. What is the difference between a soccer ball and a black ball?

A. You're an idiot.

― amon (eman), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:16 (twenty years ago)

differance, you fuckwits...
moely's daughter isn't just a drunken racist witch, she's inhabited by the undead spirit of Jacques Derrida...
You tell your daughter to just leave my old Grammar and her knitting needles alone

― Queen Guiatri's donnarunnerkebab, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:21 (twenty years ago)

Q: What is the difference between a soccer ball and a black ball?

A: 8.6375 inches (assuming a regulation soccer ball and a standard snooker black ball)

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:24 (twenty years ago)

Q. What is the difference between a white ball and a black ball?

A. White balls bounce like this, but black balls bounce like this.

― amon (eman), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:28 (twenty years ago)

DRUNK RACIST WITCH OH NO

Just as I was snortling to myself after reading this line, my phone went off. It was a text message from my flatmate that read simply "racist magic". PSYCH PSYCH!!!

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:30 (twenty years ago)

Q: What is the difference between a __________ and a ___________?

A: http://omake.studio-zoe.com/icon_rolleyes.gif

― amon (eman), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:32 (twenty years ago)

Can we compile a book of weird koans that are supposed to be jokes that were genuinely invented by children? I've mentioned before my favourite one told by my brother when he was about 6:

Q: How do you know if a pig has done a poo in your house?
A: You can smell it and you're treading in it.

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:36 (twenty years ago)

but how would you know it wasn't a cow that did it?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:38 (twenty years ago)

Two genuine ones invented by my very own offspring:

What's green and grows?
Grass

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Mr Stinks
Urgh, get out, get out you smell of stinks.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:38 (twenty years ago)

Hahahahahaha

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:42 (twenty years ago)

cow and pig poo smll different, apparently.

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:50 (twenty years ago)

They sure do. Pig poo is much more pungent than lovely cow shit.

― suckling pig at a rave (alix), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:52 (twenty years ago)

what about sheep shit?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:53 (twenty years ago)

t/s: pig poo vs cow crap vs sheep shit vs duck dung

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 11:55 (twenty years ago)

Amber's joke, age of three.

"Dad, if a sheep dog rounds up sheep, if there was a dog that rounded up other dogs, is that a Dog dog?"

(Obviously hadn't learned the rule of three, but never mind)

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

My knock-knock joke that I invented at age 3:

"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Green."
"Green who?"
"Green apple!!!!" I would then start giggling like a mad hyena.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

My friend's six-year-old daughter could never remember the punchline to jokes so would just use the word "stones" instead.

Rough idea of this:

Cara: "what's brown and sticky"
Me: "Don't know"
Cara: "Stones!"
World: ?!?!?!!?!?

Cara: "Why did the chicken cross the road"
Me: "Don't know"
Cara: "Stones!"
World: ?!?!!?!?!?!?!?

This was only funny once, when she followed this little routine up by accidentally kicking my husband in the testicles. Haha, "stones", DO YOU SEE? (poor Cara thought we were all laughing at her great joke)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:39 (twenty years ago)

This was only funny once, when she followed this little routine up by accidentally kicking my husband in the testicles.

how tall was this little girl?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

They were both sitting down on the settee. She was doing sort of a backwards roly-poly type thing off her dad's lap whilst telling her hilarious story.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

She's probably confusing "difference" and "sum" from math class.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

Cross.

That's it.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

you can cross a soccer ball but not a black ball

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:53 (twenty years ago)

It makes perfect sense really, when you think about it terms of the coloring on the outside of the ball. A regular soccer ball is white with black spots (hexagons or whatever, but bear with me). A black ball is of course all black. So what is the difference between them - ie., what is the part of the surface that differs? Well, it's the white part of the regular soccer ball (the spots are already black, so that part isn't different). So what would you have to add to a regular soccer ball to get a black ball? (Or conversely what would you subtract from a black ball to get a regular soccer ball?) The answer is a black soccer ball - ie., a ball that is black everywhere that a regular soccer ball is white.

― o. nate (onate), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)

This is how Socrates got started, isn't it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

no what mark grout said, i'm convinced she meant "what do you get if you cross a soccer ball with a black ball"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

What's the difference between a duck?

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 13:40 (twenty years ago)

If you hump it it loses it's innocence.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 13:44 (twenty years ago)

Q: why pid the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: because it was dead

― nerve, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

What's the difference between a duck?

Because of the letter 'M'.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 15:10 (twenty years ago)

www.fullpint.com

― fullpint, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 15:11 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, the problem is that the monkey one still makes me laugh. Sad really.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)

Alice, four at the time, was holding her hand after William had run over it at Nursery. I asked "What was your hand doing on the floor anyway?" "Hurting".

(I've told that one before, apols)

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 15:13 (twenty years ago)

What's brown and sticky?

a) A stick (classic answer)
b) Shit (to confound expectations)
c) Melted chocolate (counfounding Mormons expectations)

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

Never press a child to explain a joke. She may, in her childlike way, assert that it was a met-a-fur, ask petulantly if you know what met-a-furs are, then challenge you to a duel.

― M. V. (M.V.), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 16:00 (twenty years ago)

OK my mom loves to tell that "What's brown and sticky?" "A STICK!" joke like every time I speak to her on the phone.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

Why'd the second monkey fall out of the tree?
-- It was stapled to the first monkey

Why did the plane crash?
-- Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

What did the mountain bike say to the sheik?
-- "Get out of my way, you stupid sheik!"

Where did the chicken put his oil can?
-- Under the stairs!

The loaf of bread joke might be my favorite joke of all time.

― giobyuex at work, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

What I love about these is that the kids obviously grasp the essential concept of a joke; that is, that the punchline has to surprise you to be funny. All they are missing is the logic/plot.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:39 (twenty years ago)

"Would you like to know the answer to this, which is a mysterious question?"

"yes."

"Ok here is your surprising answer! Aren't you surprised? hahahahah"

― giboyeux at work, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:44 (twenty years ago)

Q: what did 50 cent say after he got a sweater for christmas?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

Q: what did 50 cent say after he got a sweater for christmas?

I don't know the answer to this question!

― giboyeux at work, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:48 (twenty years ago)

Gee, you knit?

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:49 (twenty years ago)

Ask A 7-Year-Old With A New Joke Book

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:50 (twenty years ago)

I was genuinely told this "joke" by an 11-year-old student a while back.

Q. What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?
A. AIDS

― Si.C@rter (SiC@rter), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

Holy shit.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 18:58 (twenty years ago)

Did you counter with the "What did the five fingers say to the face?" joke?

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

i was just reading that laughter is something that we do instinctually as a social bonding tool, initially for the bonding between a child and its parents and then between adults and their social peers. humor is something that we've developed that relies on higher brain functions that stimulates laughter, but the connection between jokes and laughter is a lot more tenuous than the connection between people and laughter.

so maybe we should just laugh at the soccer ball joke and bond.

― carly (carly), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 19:19 (twenty years ago)

xpost

Tempting, but I actually countered with the "now explain that joke exactly to the rest of the class" move, resulting in complete embarrassment for said student...

― Si.C@rter (SiC@rter), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 19:30 (twenty years ago)

Did I mentioned that this joke was presented, Super Carit style, as series of pictures with text? I'm looking at it now. She spelled soccer 'soka'. If I had a scanner I'd put it up here for you to see.

Anyway, o. nate's explanation makes a lot of sense, but I doubt she'd really thought it through to that level, nate.

― moley, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 20:10 (twenty years ago)

i thought laughter was about pain? i gotta re-read stranger in a strange land...

― JKex (JKex), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 20:37 (twenty years ago)

Q: How do you get the white on the white-wall tires if you've run out of white paint?
A: You put white eyebrows on it!

(Told by a three-year-old)

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 20:37 (twenty years ago)

This five year old I know is at the point where he is testing out laughs. He has a laugh that he makes when he knows he is socially expected to laugh, and that is the laugh he is working on. But there's also the laugh he makes when he can't help himself from laughing. It's cute.

He's also started telling jokes that are actually suprising and funny, which is nice! But the ones I remember involve too much insider knowledge to transmit here.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Insider knowledge? These kids are FREEMASONS!

― moley, Tuesday, 27 September 2005 20:58 (twenty years ago)

my best joke as a 9 yr old:

what do you call a train that is like the great british weather?

british hail

what do you call a train that is like a rare bird?

british quail

what do you call a train that is very slow*?

british snail

ad nauseaum. it was genius. to me. this joke ran thoguh several 10s of permuations, all consisting of basically words that rhymed with "british rail", inevitably. i wasnt a funny child really.

* this one almost made sense! i think this was the starting point for the whole thing

― ambrose (ambrose), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 21:13 (twenty years ago)

my joke as a 7 y/o =

what do you call a scottish ape?

a McCacus.

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 22:20 (twenty years ago)

Emmajoke
Q. Why did the heart chase the worm?
A. Because seven ate nine.

Sammyjoke
Q. What does Spiderman have a new one of?
A. A website.

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 01:53 (twenty years ago)

For years, (i.e. since she was three) Alice would laugh if you said anything funny, like she really understood the joke. It took me a while to realise it was her 'default' reaction.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 07:16 (twenty years ago)

4 yr old dylan:

why was the spider in the light?

because he had a parachute.

always gets a laugh.

― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 07:18 (twenty years ago)

Ach, I missed part one of the documentary. Did they really start that early?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 07:33 (twenty years ago)

because seven ate nine

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 07:42 (twenty years ago)

This was only funny once, when she followed this little routine up by accidentally kicking my husband in the testicles.
how tall was this little girl?

i envision a Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon style kick here.

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 07:48 (twenty years ago)

For years, (i.e. since she was three) Alice would laugh if you said anything funny, like she really understood the joke. It took me a while to realise it was her 'default' reaction.

Similar to my sister's reaction. Someone tells a joke at the dinner table, everyone titters except for Em who lets off a stream of uncontrollable giggles, stops abruptly and goes "I don't get it". She'll then pester the joker into telling it again ad infinitum.

― dog latin (dog latin), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:53 (twenty years ago)

blount that "punchline" is from the classic "why was six afraid of seven, because 7 8 9 harrrrr"; my daughter 'borrowed' it (dept. of probably unnecessary explanations dept.)

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:18 (twenty years ago)

Q: why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: because it was dead

-- nerve (bthquar...), September 27th, 2005 4:07 PM. (later) (link)

why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A: it was tied to the first monkey

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

blount that "punchline" is from the classic "why was six afraid of seven

BECAUSE SHE'S A BORG

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:30 (twenty years ago)

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