Your most embarrassing fart

my aeronautical career was over. tough break at age 9. the wino thing is working out though.
m.

I am not making this up.

"I said, BRRAAAPP"

*fart*

new answers!

Mine happened in gym class in lol college. We were doing timed sit-ups (I can't remember why we were doing this at a respectable 4 yr university and why I was complicit in it but that's beside the point). It was a small room and there were lots of hot chixors and well I farted. Directly on a dude holding my ankles. No laughter to ease the tension, just everyone trying to pretend it didn't happen.

Silent but deadlies can be fun though, in crowded and confined spaces.

(inspired by Chris V on his Awkward Moments thread)

math class in 8th grade, i was in an advanced class where everyone was 2 years older than me. we were taking a test in complete silence when i thought i could get away with 'the lean'. the brown air came out too fast and it was heard by all. everyone started cracking up and i heard a girl say 'i think it was that little boy'

first one isn't mine, but I was playing my friend one on one basketball, and he was a lumpy big guy so basically the game would involve him dribbling, banging into me and knocking me back 25 feet, then laying it in, so I started to say "fuck it" to the happy feet style of playing defense and I kinda just started letting him off easy and giving him easy layups, hoping he'd miss.

So once again, dude blows by me and has a clear path to the hoop, when a juicy saturated fart that probably had a 3 mile radius came out of dude's butt, and instead of laying the ball in softly, he lost control and the ball sailed 20 feet over the back of the hoop

In an auditorium amongst a hundred people. Brought the presentation to a standstill as everyone slowly turned around and looked at me.

as for me, I was helping my girlfriend (at the time) with stage managing work for a play, but we had lots of down time, so I'd often lay on the couch, and sometimes she'd come by and lay down with me.

so we're doing that, all comfy and relaxed, and I'd eaten fast food so my stomach wasn't real settled but it wasn't rumbling either, but then she shifted her position and inadvertently elbowed me right in the stomach, like a jab.

This set something in motion as I farted right after she jabbed me. Then she gave me a look, started laughing, and said "oh my God!", then ran into the other room and promptly told everybody in it that I just farted on her.

I tried to tell her it was her fault for jabbing me and she wouldn't listen. Her best male friend agreed with me, and I told her what he said, and she replied by telling me hed been a virgin up until 4 months ago. (Wtf)

once when i dropped a real stinker on the train a few years back. obviously, people who do this are generally disgusting savages, but i lost an agonising ten minute battle of trying to hold it in . it slipped out silently, but the couple sitting opposite could obviously smell it and started talking in moody deadpan tones with screwed up faces about how inconsiderate and disgusting people who fart in public are and how they should be ashamed of themselves. they totally knew it was me, i just went bright red and stared out of the window.

Passive aggressive farts

im never embarassed to fart.

xxp I wouldn't have gone red, I'd have started laughing like a maniac.

Was when I had been a houseguest of some friends for a few days, had had to stay an extra day because of a flight delay, and saying our farewells in their front hallway I let out something silent, powerful, and sulphurous that must have stayed behind after I left.

a middle school typing class, had terrible gas and since it was a really small class with like maybe 10 people, it was impossible to ignore it or play it off or deny responsibility, and the teacher actually sent me out in the hallway for a few minutes. what really made it kind of traumatic was that it was my birthday. and now i'm reliving it today, on my birthday, because of this thread!

i was in a bar last year for the celtics playoffs and let a nice silent completely rotten one go it was awesome. its always a compliment for people around you to gasp for air.

Happy Fartday to you,
Happy Fartday to you,
Happy Fartday dear some dude,
Happy Fartday to you.

especially when you turn and blame your friend.

in front of a group of hot young college girls.

:) snoball

I was once at a crowded art opening and ran into someone I hadn't seen in a long time. While we were talking, I let one fly that was silent and absolutely murderous. My friend noticed, but didn't connect it to me at all. So I joined in: "Yeah! Eew! Who did that?!" We moved to a different part of the gallery, where I released another one. This time I started the wincing, and she again presumed it was someone other than me ("Did that guy follow us over here?! What the hell?!").

its the fart game son.

haha once i let off one in the lift at work, thinking nobody else would get on with it being after 5pm. then of course, the fittest girl in the building gets on and i go "ohhh hi! omg, some creepy old fella just farted in here and got off at the last floor without apologising!" think she bought it, too.

cmon you know she didnt

mine was when i was leaning over in my seat to get a book from my bag when i was about 11, the combo of bending to expel the air and the slight lift of the arse to one side to create a parping zone made for amplified methane perfection. like some dude, i was made to leave the room to think about what i'd done. iirc i thought about thunderbird 2 instead.

a girl i really liked was next to me which was ;_; tho

i usually hold em in

i've been having outrageously loud stomach gurglings (or whatever) since i broke my arm some months back and those have been the source of embarrassment for a while. they're just incredibly audible and last forever. they're almost worse b/c you don't know whether to be embarrassed about them or to just try acting naturally, like "yo im just hungry".

since you broke your arm?

i cant even bring myself to type it

i know, i couldn't bring myself to click submit

lol

there's correlations between stress and increased bowel movements. breaking an arm = v v stressful for the body

wait, sexfarts are a seperate category right?

my best friend (at the time) explained to us once unprovoked how he farted during sex and it caused him to orgasm.

we're not best friends anymore

http://www.thebeaverton.com/local/item/351-master-farter-confused-by-constant-rejection

I don't know why, but ‘Manfartten Project’ is *killing* me

Mr. Methane on 'Britain's Got Talent'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFLw8aH-M2w

I must admit I enjoy teh fact that some people refer to it s "wind" - what a mega-euphemism - its like calling a rotten egg "fragrance"

When I was at school I once farted on purpose in assembly to get a few laughs. A teacher figured out who caused the commotion and I was given detention. No big deal. My mistake was in jokingly telling my parents why I'd been given detention. My dad, fresh home from the pub, got riled up and insisted on taking me to the headmaster and complained about how I'd been punished for a natural bodily function.

"we do not tolerate flatulence at hogwarts!"

the headmaster was as embarassed at the situation as i was and placated my dad by excusing the detention and asking that i please try to control myself in future.

THis is a real battle of man vs nature, of body vs soul - of man's striving to heaven but being held back by our earthly nature!

never really been in this situation though i am told of one time when i was maybe 10ish and i wanted to hang out with my aunt and uncle who were only 6 years older and their friends

we were watching a movie in the living room and i guess i fell asleep and let it rip

they were probably more embarrassed than i

this poor woman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWZU9eOg-bQ

Sitting in a bedroom with a girl when I was a teenager, watching Young Guns II on VHS.

Also those times you think you've gotten away with it in public, when in fact, because you're wearing headphones, everyone in the room has heard it except for you.

Half fart, half Bristol chart #7, minutes ago.
Boy, am I glad there are diapers in the house.

Once I farted loudly while teaching a class full of future NFL players, one of them bellowing “oh professor!” laughs were had

a fart that could end a marriage

xp

a farty laugh was had