Help! I Desparetely Need to Masterbate!

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I'm trapped at work and I need to masterbate! There's only one small bathroom for 40 people so I can't use that - I'm rubbing my legs together to try and make myself cum in my pants! I can't get rid of my boner - what should I do?

― Excited, Sunday, 19 March 2006 21:25 (twenty years ago)

i think you're doing just fine, sir.

― John Kerpan (Jkerpan16), Sunday, 19 March 2006 21:28 (twenty years ago)

Learn how to schpell. But I guess you're just very excited, hence the errors.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Sunday, 19 March 2006 21:31 (twenty years ago)

Keep it in! Don't let those precious life-juices escape!!

― Ralph Chomondley -Warner, Sunday, 19 March 2006 21:32 (twenty years ago)

http://freemasonry.bcy.ca/fiction/other/dr_strangelove.jpg

― Ralph Chomondley -Warner, Sunday, 19 March 2006 21:35 (twenty years ago)

juss thnk of th storyexx yu can tll yur graddkidxxz

― dan bunnybrain (dan bunnybrain), Sunday, 19 March 2006 21:51 (twenty years ago)

supply cupboard?

― Slumpman (Slump Man), Sunday, 19 March 2006 22:13 (twenty years ago)

Empty crisp packet?
Petty cash box?

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Sunday, 19 March 2006 22:19 (twenty years ago)

How exactly do you expect us to help?

― Cathy (Cathy), Sunday, 19 March 2006 22:31 (twenty years ago)

Maybe something like this:

http://d21c.com/terri1/people/ugly.jpg

― Ralph Chomondley -Warner, Sunday, 19 March 2006 22:37 (twenty years ago)

Ask a co-worker to service you.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 19 March 2006 23:40 (twenty years ago)

So you have a sock handy?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 20 March 2006 01:43 (twenty years ago)

Apparently it's quite important.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 20 March 2006 01:44 (twenty years ago)

1) Shout out "LOOK OVER THERE!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 20 March 2006 11:10 (twenty years ago)

your office has a bathroom?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 20 March 2006 11:43 (twenty years ago)

Surely all 40 people aren't in the bathroom at the same time, are they?

― C J (C J), Monday, 20 March 2006 11:47 (twenty years ago)

why would there be a bathroom though?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 20 March 2006 11:56 (twenty years ago)

bathroom = english for toilet.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 20 March 2006 11:58 (twenty years ago)

It's probably not a bathroom in the British sense of the word, i.e. with an actual bath in it. Don't foreign people call the toilet facilities at work the "bathroom" (or maybe the "rest room") rather than the loo/bog/toilet/gents/ladies?

― C J (C J), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:00 (twenty years ago)

no it isn't.

xpost

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:00 (twenty years ago)

loo/bog/toilet/gents/ladies is not all one word, obv.

― C J (C J), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:00 (twenty years ago)

Anyway, back to the wanking dilemma of the OP.

Can you escape from work for a little while, and maybe smuggle your boner into town and deal with it elsewhere?

― C J (C J), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:01 (twenty years ago)

Q: what did a guy do when he didn't have enough cash for a prostitute
A: he went for the hole in the wall

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:03 (twenty years ago)

In days of old
When knights were bold
And ladies hadn't been invented,
They drilled great holes
In telegraph poles
And they were quite contented.

― C J (C J), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:08 (twenty years ago)

Poetry indeed shall ease thy needs - Poetic CHampions" compose!!

Thy staff is long and superstrong
you feel it bobbing thus
so shot the moon make ladies swoon
spray showers of love on us

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:33 (twenty years ago)

You've got a little willy
and at work it won't be tamed
Tell it not to be so silly
You ought to be ashamed

― C J (C J), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:35 (twenty years ago)

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1140087116/Big_Train_W**nking_In_The_Office

― humvee (what?), Monday, 20 March 2006 17:11 (twenty years ago)

US English--"Bathroom" is the place where you relieve yourself. When foreigners ask "where is the toilet" I often want to say, "it's in the bathroom." (A toilet is the device you relieve yourself into.)

Back on topic: Why can't you just lock yourself in the bathroom/loo/whatever and rub one out really quick?

― whiskeytangofoxtrot (unclejessjess), Monday, 20 March 2006 18:24 (twenty years ago)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7gB3Czv0vbw

MASTURBATING CAT

― Jimmy Mod: GRILL ENSPEKTOR (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Monday, 20 March 2006 18:32 (twenty years ago)

You're trying to cum in your pants so you thought you'd talk to us?
erm....

― dr lulu (dr lulu), Monday, 20 March 2006 21:00 (twenty years ago)

So?

What happened?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 08:42 (twenty years ago)

For eons men have grabbed thine staffs
and shaken lords from fire
but now in times of corporate hell
all they can do is desire

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 15:04 (twenty years ago)

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