worst mother ever

of course this is somewhat moot as they're both horrendous, but still, the sick fuck could well be relieved that much of the hate will be directed at her instead of him.

perhaps it's the increased 'shock factor' re 'we expect this from men but far less so from women' thing

Y'know it took almost 40 years to realize my mother is extremely narcissistic. I never realized this as she never blatantly stands in front of the mirror proclaiming she loves herself. But she does love herself and is the center of her own pathetic universe. If you don't follow her, agree with her or are "like her", she rejects you. One of the things that had a major impact on me is when she proclaimed: "I am very much let down because I thought you would be like me and sadly you aren't." And having a narcissistic mother has been exceptionally destructive (for me). I think there are two options: either you rebel/become aggressive or you become docile, subservient. I became the latter so much so it has become my natural reflex. Even towards my children. My depressions, anxiety disorder and eating disorder resulted by her influence. She never acknowledged I had problems ("your fears will soften with the years." She never asks if I still take anti anxiety pills, even when I bring it up, she ignore sit.) After all these years I can finally say no and, also, not feel guilty (towards my mother). But finally I have said no. I have made the choice that if she doesn't agree, I will "divorce" her. Completely.

SHe's not the worst mother ever by any stretch, but she wasn't a good mother either.

Wow, I can finally say it.

Damn, Nath. Hope things do improve for you.

That realization sounds like it will be extremely useful to you, Nath! Good luck with your continued struggle and progress as an aware person. :)

Good on you!! Naming it is huge. Cannot overstate how important that one step is. Naming her, naming the, well, the pain...takes a lot of the power away, and lets you go about dealing with *you*, rather than you and her.

had a lot of baggage in this area, so I def sympathize.

You know...I came upon the fact that my mother is just not good for me this past summer. It was a sad thing for me to accept. I mean she is alive and my mother so I should visit often, email, call etc...right? Uh, no. I also decided I wouldn't feel guilty about it. Our last visit went horribly wrong and I was able to walk away just knowing it was more than okay for the relationship to end. If she gets help, it may resume but otherwise, been feeling better without communication.

My mom's fine but I have the worst brother ever.

:(

He cut himself off from the family a few years ago without real explanation, only a cryptic text message to my mom. My parents are devastated. I once tried going to his workplace to get his new phone number/talk to him but he ignored me.

I want to be able to say that I love him and I'd welcome him back with open arms. But really, fuck that guy. He treats his family like this? My parents have been kept up every night for years worrying about him. It really, really gnaws at my soul to think about that. I don't give a fuck what he thinks he's been through, because I know my parents didn't do anything to deserve this sort of treatment. Fuck him, absolutely.

aw crut

that's really hard. is he younger or older?

he is older.

time and distance might be the only thing that will heal that. but that's a hard thing when it's someone you still care for.

I thought that was going to happen with my sister. In the end it was her going off and starting her own family and having something/someone of her own to care for was the thing that brought her back to us.

doesn't always happen. I'm sorry that you have to go through that though, crut.

I want to be able to say that I love him and I'd welcome him back with open arms.

I think it is important to realize that you can "divorce" your family or a member of it. There's nothing wrong with it. If you feel better without them/him or her, then why not? You can quit.

It has been a very difficult process. But I have come from absolutely idolizing my mother to realizing she's very twisted. Maybe she doesn't consciously manipulate people, but she definitely does. And what does intent really matter at the end of the day, right?

Y'know, god damn, I could tell stories and stories. Then I think, well, those happened but there was also a lot of good stuff. But y'know since realizing that my insecurity complex stems from her absolute grandiosity, I have started to feel better about myself. I stopped seeing myself as a failure (I always did), I stopped seeing myself as stupid (hey I am no Einstein but not retarded either),... I finally cut the umbilical cord.

And reading about narcissists, god damn she's quite a success at that. I'm a failure at that though. lol.