The stories nurses tell

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Our neighbour, at a BBQ at our house recently:

'Yeah, you can always tell when they're wbout to die: they do a big shit. I once killed an old woman giving her a big enema. It wasn't my fault, I was told to do it!'.

― ratty, Friday, 31 March 2006 21:13 (twenty years ago)

Charming dining conversation

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 31 March 2006 21:20 (twenty years ago)

We were eating hot dogs too.

― ratty, Friday, 31 March 2006 21:33 (twenty years ago)

Chili dogs, I hope.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 March 2006 21:34 (twenty years ago)

apparently, for surgery on ye olde groin area, it's easier for the nurses to do the shaving if the fellow's erect. this according to one nurse at least.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Friday, 31 March 2006 21:47 (twenty years ago)

Wow. That is gobsmacking.

― ratty, Friday, 31 March 2006 22:00 (twenty years ago)

It's true!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:06 (twenty years ago)

A doctor told me that the acronym 'PFD' was banned by official memo at her hospital. It is shorthand for an accident caused primarily by clumsiness induced by alcohol, and is common enough to have earned the acronym as a convenient shorthand - 'we have a couple of PFD's in ward 12'. It stands for 'pissed, fell down'.

― ratty, Friday, 31 March 2006 22:09 (twenty years ago)

the only reason those acronyms are banned is bcz by mistake the general public discovers them and is outraged/entertained -- they absolutely certainly have a new acronym for PFD, and for dozens of other equally useful-comical things

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:12 (twenty years ago)

I wonder what other acronyms exist. Perhaps a medical professional can enlighten us.

― ratty, Friday, 31 March 2006 22:15 (twenty years ago)

Well, the slang one who his somewhat to the far left of the bell curve is an "NFN"- Normal For Norfolk.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:16 (twenty years ago)

not many medical professionals post to ile! which i guess is reassuring in a way

haha TTFO

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:19 (twenty years ago)

Thank you, mark, I really enjoyed that. Especially:

CTD - Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon)

― ratty, Friday, 31 March 2006 22:24 (twenty years ago)

haha - oh man. I just e-mailed my nursing friend for more of these.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:28 (twenty years ago)

Dr Fox : "I do think that doctors are genuinely more respectful of their patients these days"

see i really really doubt this -- stupid is as stupid does, and you owe it to yr fellow professionals to warn em

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:32 (twenty years ago)

DBI refers to "Dirt Bag Index", and multiplies the number of tattoos with the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.

Now that's funny.

― dr lulu (dr lulu), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:36 (twenty years ago)

Relatives of patients on the critical list may blanche if they knew what CTD, GPO or Rule of Five mean on their loved-one's records.

The first means "Circling The Drain", the second signifies "Good for Parts Only" and "Rule of Five" means that if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance.

― Big Willy and the Twins (miloaukerman), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:59 (twenty years ago)

Hard to argue with the rule of five.

― Big Willy and the Twins (miloaukerman), Friday, 31 March 2006 22:59 (twenty years ago)

In Hand Therapy we treated loads of people suffering from Saturday Nigh Palsy.

― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Friday, 31 March 2006 23:14 (twenty years ago)

"Greyhound Therapy" - the practice of discharging a mentally ill patient directly to the bus station with a ticket to whichever US destination sounds interesting to him

― Thomas Tallis (Tommy), Friday, 31 March 2006 23:28 (twenty years ago)

LOLBOM = l'il ol lady with bag o' meds

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 31 March 2006 23:33 (twenty years ago)

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