if you could program a TV station with anything you want...

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You have somehow become the programmer of a TV station with unlimited rights to anything and everything that could possibly be shown on television. You have free reign to show the public anything you want. You have the ability to make this the most profitable station ever and obtain the rights to every popular TV series of the past 3 years... Or you could be narcissistic and just have a camera follow you around all day, like The Truman Show except you know the camera is there... Or you could show stock footage of cars blowing up 24 hours a day...

Yeah, anything you want. So what would you show?

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 02:09 (nineteen years ago)

ilx (this is just a bit of fun so let's be cool)

― estela (estela), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 02:12 (nineteen years ago)

most profitable station ever? surely that can only mean one thing.. 24/7 porno

― electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsound), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 02:13 (nineteen years ago)

Shots of my testicles in various exotic locales. We could use green screen technology. So you'd see, like, a beautiful view of Bora Bora, and then my testicles would slowly lower into the frame. That would be one hour.

Also, The Fall Guy.

― always crashing in other people's cars (kenan), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 02:17 (nineteen years ago)

I'm not taking the question all that seriously, so if you have not-so-serious answers, I won't be offended.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 02:56 (nineteen years ago)

oh good.

― always crashing in other people's cars (kenan), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 03:34 (nineteen years ago)

http://artfiles.art.com/images/-/Beavis-Butthead---Cornholio-Magnet-C11750969.jpeg

― dar1a g (daria g), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 03:49 (nineteen years ago)

The "A Very Special Episode" network.

― slugbuggy (slugbuggy), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 05:45 (nineteen years ago)

I'd make it the televisual equivalent of London's own radio station Resonance FM. Experimental comedy-shows, free-form visuals, the possibility of anything showing up at any time (so, loose scheduling) and improvised camerawork would all have their stage, thus creating a means to explore the hitherto-unrealised possibilities of television.

It would also show Arrested Development repeats every Christmas Day. Because I'm not heartless.

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 05:53 (nineteen years ago)

i remember hearing that Celestial pictures was planning to have a program that would run restored Shaw Brothers' movie 24 hrs a day. So that would probably be it.

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 12:39 (nineteen years ago)

It'll Be All Right on the Night-style clip-shows and pre-60s Looney Toons, 24/7.

― No Suntan, No Credibility (noodle vague), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 12:41 (nineteen years ago)

All Homicide/The Wire, all the time. Occasionally there will be a Robotech marathon to restore people's faith in humanity. Also Headbanger's Ball reruns.

― adam (adam), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 13:22 (nineteen years ago)

Sitcom episodes in which popular figures of the day appeared as themselves in one time walk-on roles. That's Tuesdays. Mondays is that other thing I mentioned.

Wednesdays is The Hudson Brothers Show, Captain and Tennille, the Mac Davis Show, the John Davidson Show, the Bobby Vinton Show, Shields and Yarnell, Pink Lady and Jeff, Donnie and Marie, and so on.

Thurdays is all helicopters.

Also, after the local news broadcast flags will wave in the wind, the National Anthem will play, and programming will cease until the Farm Report and New Zoo Review begin the day anew at 5:30 and 6:00 respectively.

― slugbuggy (slugbuggy), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:15 (nineteen years ago)

I'd have to go with the narcissistic thing since camera on you = money.

― IPSISSIMUS (Uri Frendimein), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:17 (nineteen years ago)

news reruns

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:18 (nineteen years ago)

srsly it'd be fascinating history - i have no idea why no one's done it yet.

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.greentales.com/files/grapefruit.jpg

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:26 (nineteen years ago)

My amazingly innovative television network would show music videos throughout the broadcast day, interspersed with music-related news updates, with the occasional benefit concert. And it would be hosted by beautiful young people without surnames.

― a naked Kraken annoying Times Square tourists with an acoustic guitar (nickalici, Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:29 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, random local news broadcasts though, no national.

Fridays is all pilot episodes, regardless of whether the show made it to schedule or not. Better if the cast or set vary considerably compared to that of regular series.

Saturdays is just what it should be: cartoons in the morning, and at no other time during the week, afternoons for bowling and Wide World of Sports, evenings is Love Boat and Fantasy Island exclusively.

Sundays is scrambled softcore cable porn, all day.

― slugbuggy (slugbuggy), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:43 (nineteen years ago)

football and nekkid ladies on a split screen.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:45 (nineteen years ago)

'cause, y'know, after too much of anything, even your favorite things, you start to get bored.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:45 (nineteen years ago)

Wow, this is exactly what Saturday TV is supposed to be. Amazing.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:46 (nineteen years ago)

holy crap that's exactly what the abc affiliate in boston showed in the late 70s/early 80s.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:48 (nineteen years ago)

Otto OTM. I would refuse the offer. I don't WANT to see only stuff I chose, I want to be surprised, I want to learn about stuff I didn't know about in advance, I want to see and hear new music.

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:49 (nineteen years ago)

I'll count that as a vote for the testicle-dropping show, then.

― slugbuggy (slugbuggy), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 18:55 (nineteen years ago)

You don't have to watch the channel.. just choose what gets aired.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 19:06 (nineteen years ago)

Saturdays will now be the entire Saturday broadcast schedule of the Boston ABC affiliate from the late 70's/early 80's, start to finish.

If that lineup doesn't click I'll revert to my original idea, the Dramedy! network. Duets, Days and Nights of Molly Dodd, thirtsomething, Ally McBeal, maybe some Moonlighting.

― slugbuggy (slugbuggy), Wednesday, 20 September 2006 20:04 (nineteen years ago)

Serious answer though, I think a mixtape channel of sorts is mostly what I'm suggesting. Themes would mostly be viewer submitted, and the content could be a combination of any format corresponding to the theme: sitcom, drama, movie, music video, documentary, etc.. Better yet would be a listener-programmed mixtape radio station. You'd get a 30 min. or hour block at a time.

Another take on the narcissicsm angle would simply be a station that broadcasts whatever it is I'm watching at the time. If I'm flipping through the channels, that's what you see. If I'm watching a DVD of Pee Wee's Big Adventure, so are you. If I turn off the set, the channel goes dark until I turn it on again.

― slugbuggy (slugbuggy), Thursday, 21 September 2006 15:19 (nineteen years ago)

I've determined that I would fill my channel with all the cable shows from the 80's and 90's that networks refuse to release on DVD or show in reruns.

The best part would be a daily 90-minute block comprised of The State, Viva Variety and Stella.

― billstevejim (billstevejim), Friday, 29 September 2006 16:30 (nineteen years ago)

One night a week, during shitty violent primetime, would be the "kitties and puppies play together while accompanied by Strauss" hour. Fuck it, I'm convinced that this show would fly on broadcast as well. Or just five-minute interstitials of puppies and kitties playing.

Tweedle-tweedle-deedle-dee.

http://www.darwinpress.com/books/Golden%20Retriever%20Puppy%20Handbook%20(163-0)%20(hb)/Puppies%20lined%20up%20in%20a%20cart%20001.jpg

― Vacillatrix (x Jeremy), Friday, 29 September 2006 16:35 (nineteen years ago)

COPS reruns.
http://www.geocities.com/videogamelists/cops.html

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 29 September 2006 19:05 (nineteen years ago)

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