i hate american football

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i live aprox. 200 feet away from a stadium. there's a game going on right now. if it weren't for booze and drugs, i'd slit my throat.

― Squirrel_Police (Squirrel_Police), Friday, 22 September 2006 02:29 (nineteen years ago)

sorry dude, they just got rid of booze and drugs :(

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 22 September 2006 02:32 (nineteen years ago)

WHAT!!

YOU DONT LIKE THROWIN THE OL PIGSKIN AROUND THE GRIDIRON FOR A BOOYAH HAIL MARY TOUCHDOWN?????

ARE YOU ONE OF THEM RED STATE COMMIE SOCIALISTS OR A GODDAMN MOOSLIM TERRORIST??????????????????

― EsteBAN LOUIS JAGGER (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Friday, 22 September 2006 02:39 (nineteen years ago)

I swear to whatever god exists Esteban, when I meet you I am going to leave marks.

― Mike Stuchbery (Mike Stuchbery), Friday, 22 September 2006 02:42 (nineteen years ago)

i think you meant blue state commie, mate

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Friday, 22 September 2006 03:27 (nineteen years ago)

i live aprox. 200 feet away from a stadium. there's a game going on right now. if it weren't for booze and drugs, i'd slit my throat.

-- Squirrel_Police (goblinatri...), September 21st, 2006.

YOU ARE BORING

― Lazy Comet (plsmith), Friday, 22 September 2006 03:29 (nineteen years ago)

http://myspace-955.vo.llnwd.net/00088/43/50/88200534_l.jpg

― Lazy Comet (plsmith), Friday, 22 September 2006 03:32 (nineteen years ago)

GO BRONCOS!!!!!
http://www.boisestate.edu/baa/images/baarotater.gif
WAC ATTACK!!!!

WOOTLES!

― Abbott (Abbott), Friday, 22 September 2006 03:44 (nineteen years ago)

Call the cops on someone without an "R" stickern in yr neighbs, that'll make you feel better!

― Abbott (Abbott), Friday, 22 September 2006 03:47 (nineteen years ago)

hey, we red state commie socilists LOVE our football!

― sunny successor (katharine), Friday, 22 September 2006 11:39 (nineteen years ago)

who plays football on a thursday?

― sunny successor (katharine), Friday, 22 September 2006 11:40 (nineteen years ago)

GO BRONCOS!!!!!

WAC ATTACK!!!!

I just can't ever get over that blue field. (the "Smurf Turf")

http://www.uidaho.edu/ecohydraulics/images/ChrisW/smurfturfs.jpeg

I'm sure someone could do a helluva weather report on it, though.

(p.s. Want Houston Nutt back?)

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 22 September 2006 12:40 (nineteen years ago)

People who hate sport suck.

― Dedicated to Jaggers Who Do Drive-Bys (noodle vague), Friday, 22 September 2006 12:44 (nineteen years ago)

no, but rodent cop gives those of who do a bad name.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 22 September 2006 12:50 (nineteen years ago)

those of who do? who do? you do?

― Dedicated to Jaggers Who Do Drive-Bys (noodle vague), Friday, 22 September 2006 12:52 (nineteen years ago)

I think I should've phrased it "people who moan about sport".

― Dedicated to Jaggers Who Do Drive-Bys (noodle vague), Friday, 22 September 2006 12:53 (nineteen years ago)

I used to hate it until someobody explained the rules 'n' shit to me

― Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Friday, 22 September 2006 12:55 (nineteen years ago)

I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF YOU EITHER BUB.

― AMERICAN FOOTBALL (otto midnight), Friday, 22 September 2006 12:58 (nineteen years ago)

those of who do? who do? you do?

-- Dedicated to Jaggers Who Do Drive-Bys (noodle_vagu...), September 22nd, 2006.

You remind me of the babe
What babe? babe with the power
What power? power of voodoo
Who do? you do
Do what? remind me of the babe

I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry
What could I do
My baby's love had gone
And left my baby blue
Nobody knew

What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dogs' tails
Thunder or lightning
Then baby said
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby, make him free

I saw my baby, trying hard as babe could try
What could I do
My baby's fun had gone
And left my baby blue
Nobody knew

What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dog's tails
Thunder or lightning
Then baby said
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby, make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Put that baby spell on me (ooh)

You remind me of the babe
What babe? the babe with the power
What power? power of voodoo
Who do? you do
Do what? remind me of the babe

Dance magic, dance, ooh ooh ooh
Dance magic, dance magic, ooh ooh ooh
Dance magic

What kind of magic spell to use
Slime and snails
Or puppy dog tails
Thunder or lightning
Something frightening

Dance magic, dance
Dance magic, dance
Put that baby spell on me
Jump magic, jump
Jump magic, jump
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Jump magic, jump (jump magic, jump)
Jump magic, jump
Put that magic jump on me
Slap that baby
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic
Slap that slap that baby make him free
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)
Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:21 (nineteen years ago)

college football is where it's at

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:22 (nineteen years ago)

hey, we red state commie socilists LOVE our football!

word, Sunny

― Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:22 (nineteen years ago)

I've had it described to me as 'a cross between rugby and chess'.

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:36 (nineteen years ago)

It's not really as interesting as that makes it sound

― Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:39 (nineteen years ago)

It's not really as interesting as that makes it sound

exactly. it's much more interesting than that.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:40 (nineteen years ago)

Thursday football at this time of year is, like, for fucking Junior High, you retard. You hate junior high schoolers? What's wrong with kids having fun? Fucking douchebag!!! Why don't you just admit you don't "live" 200 yards away from the "stadium" ie junior high school and admit you were waiting around to flash some teenybopper cheerleaders! Weirdo!!!!!

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:40 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.imagedonkey.com/out.php/i432_shockeyshocked.gif

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:41 (nineteen years ago)

http://cache.jalopnik.com/cars/assets/resources/2006/09/Joe-Cullen-Lions.jpg
i live aprox. 200 feet away from a stadium. there's a game going on right now. if it weren't for booze and drugs, i'd slit my throat.

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:41 (nineteen years ago)

LOLZ!

― Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:42 (nineteen years ago)

I get to watch the reigning college national champs practice everyday while I'm waiting for the bus. yum.

― Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:42 (nineteen years ago)

It's a very boring sport w/ much appeal for fatheads.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:43 (nineteen years ago)

joe cullen is now comedy gold.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.fathead.com/fatheadsweb/

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 13:53 (nineteen years ago)

QED!

As the great baseball skipper Earl Weaver once said, "This ain't football. We do this every day."

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:01 (nineteen years ago)

Baseball is the most boring sport ever. zzzzz

― Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:03 (nineteen years ago)

DROP DEAD SAM. CRICKET IS WAY WORSE

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:04 (nineteen years ago)

Wrong board, pal.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:04 (nineteen years ago)

I know nothing about cricket so you could well be right.

― Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

MR QUE YOU WILL BURN FOR YOUR SACRILEGE

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

Football players do this every day too, so that's a pretty dumbass, ill-informed quote, Morbs. That's like saying that only the days you have a meeting at work, you are working.

Also: ALL of you drop dead, ALL sports are great except for curling!!!!

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:06 (nineteen years ago)

Cricket sucks, tossers.

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:06 (nineteen years ago)

Curling rules.

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:06 (nineteen years ago)

Cricket and baseball both rule

― Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:06 (nineteen years ago)

What would be awesome is interleague play. I don't mean this nonsense crap like "Oh the AFC and NFC are different and they play each other tee hee," I mean like I want to see Derek Jeter and Michael Strahan play each other. Preferably in a third, completely unrelated sport, like basketball or maybe archery.

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:07 (nineteen years ago)

And curling's teh great (Scotland's good it at it)

― Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:08 (nineteen years ago)

It goes like this, for me:

1) Cricket
2) Football (aka Soccer for teh Yanks)
3) Snooker
4) Golf
5) Tennis

― Space Gourmand (Haberdager), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:11 (nineteen years ago)

football's all right, it's a good way to heighten sunday evening existential dread. especially at that moment when it segues into 60 minutes - utterly sublime.

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:11 (nineteen years ago)

Poor interpretation, Ally. What Mr. Weaver was going for was ONE game ain't so important, ie the season is a marathon and all involved need long attention spans (hence, no longer the most popular sport, thank God).

"Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become." - Mary McGrory

Geez, even Erma Bombeck and George Will have it right:

http://quotations.about.com/od/sportsquotes/a/football1.htm

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

NO ONE CARES, DUDE, WE ALL KNOW, YOU'RE OLD AND BORING!

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

I mean, srsly, what is yr point? This isn't a thread about how much you love baseball, this is yet another thread about what a jackoff Squirrel Police is! C'mon.

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

My top 3 are football (not American), cricket and boxing, in that order. The rest are changeable, but I like Gaelic Football a lot too... and ice hockey!

― Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Friday, 22 September 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

Skipping 46 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

yeah reggie, i'm half irish and half polish, and i've found that this particular mutt breed is quite adept at turning tanqueray into a massive fucking hangover.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Friday, 22 September 2006 15:30 (nineteen years ago)

whoa, i didn't know about the gamboa thing

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/baseball/news/2002/09/19/royals_whitesox_ap/lg_spectators_ap.jpg

As they were being put into police cars, the father and son contended there had been exchange with Gamboa.

"He got what he deserved," the elder Ligue said.

It's a good thing they were shirtless, just to get that perfect Ronnie Dobbs vibe

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 22 September 2006 15:32 (nineteen years ago)

i love the side-arm punching style.

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Friday, 22 September 2006 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

http://blogs.chicagotribune.com/photos/uncategorized/ligue.jpg

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Friday, 22 September 2006 15:37 (nineteen years ago)

i love the side-arm punching style.

That's fighting under Marquess of Quisenberry rules.

― nate p. (natepatrin), Friday, 22 September 2006 15:39 (nineteen years ago)

...

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 22 September 2006 15:40 (nineteen years ago)

I didn't know Conseco and Rocker were wrestlers.

― Allyzay is a town of people, people who DIED (allyzay), Friday, 22 September 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

The brilliant Dennis Perrin, ambivalent in Ann Arbor:

As I've aged and broadened my political and cultural understanding, I see what American football really is -- a fascist game for the authoritarian-minded who believe they're in love with war. As I've noted here before, sports radio really pushes this mindset, encouraging listeners to be grunting, cliché-spouting nationalist assholes, which many listeners happily become. It's easy, takes little thinking, and makes them feel part of some mystical warrior tribe. And also means that politically, they are utter reactionaries, chewing on Old Glory as their pupils dilate and spin like pinwheels. I hear this everyday. Why, you ask? I love sports. Pitiful, but true.

http://redstateson.blogspot.com/2006/09/war-by-other-means.html

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:13 (nineteen years ago)

wow, he's got my number.

― Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:15 (nineteen years ago)

has anyone read that Michael Lewis book? any good?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:17 (nineteen years ago)

"wrote jokes for bill maher"

hahahahaha

― sunny successor (katharine), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

American football - a well-functioning union, profit sharing, the most tolerant and accepting professional sports league when it comes to homosexuality or ethnicity, the most diverse group of players of any sport in the world, and perhaps the largest collection of extremely philanthropic millionaires anywhere in the world. The NFL has a tougher stance on doping than any other sport at this point in time and the current commissioner wants them to get even tougher.

If you want to spit on football and call it fascist, you may want to actually know a single fucking thing about it before you do.

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

homosexuality

really? are there any currently openly gay players?

― Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

pope Tom descends from the Chair of Infallibility...

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

Why don't you repost some other old man's blog entry, you lazy dumbfuck?

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

wit

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 28 September 2006 14:44 (nineteen years ago)

Tom has a point, Morbius. I mean, learn something about the topics you're mouthing off on (or, more accurately, reposting other people's rants on) before you go off. But that would diminish your "charm," wouldn't it? Trying to actually interact with people on the threads you've decided to post on would be way too much effort when you can just post other people's blog entries and then make inexplicable snarky comments when someone challenges your extremely narrow, condescending world-view.

Sam, there's been quite a few openly gay players in recent years in the NFL, but I think what Tom is referring to is the extremely hardline stance they take on anti-defamation and racial/sexual slurs these days.

― Allyzay lives aprox. 200 feet away from a stadium (allyzay), Thursday, 28 September 2006 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

I'm not questioning what Tom said, just truly curious.

― Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Thursday, 28 September 2006 15:37 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.outsports.com/nfl/2006/0628symposium.htm

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Thursday, 28 September 2006 15:42 (nineteen years ago)

My first post today (and Perrin's blog, mostly) was about the LCD bloodlust stirred up in football fandom.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 28 September 2006 15:54 (nineteen years ago)

unlike any other sport on earth, we know

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Thursday, 28 September 2006 15:55 (nineteen years ago)

the extremely hardline stance they take on anti-defamation and racial/sexual slurs these days.

it's possible of course that such a stance is taken precisely because it's something they're sensitive about, image-wise. not that i'd know.

i'm guessing that tennis has the highest percentage and best history of openly-gay players, but it's also not mostly american, and everyone knows ladeez don't count, and the WTA hasn't always had a perfect record.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 28 September 2006 16:15 (nineteen years ago)

tennis is also not at all awesome

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Thursday, 28 September 2006 16:17 (nineteen years ago)

theres no openly gay nfl players but a few dudes have come out after retirement, like in baseball

― styler (styler), Thursday, 28 September 2006 16:18 (nineteen years ago)

http://zaratoustra.chez-alice.fr/as15-1.jpg

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 28 September 2006 16:20 (nineteen years ago)

How great was that Saints game.

― vingt regards (vignt_regards), Thursday, 28 September 2006 16:28 (nineteen years ago)

yeah styler OTM.

the david cone masturbation story is precisely why baseball >>> football.

also i don't like that you can't see ppl under the helmet and all the padding.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 28 September 2006 16:39 (nineteen years ago)

"the most diverse group of players of any sport in the world" zuh?

― le hague (le hague), Thursday, 28 September 2006 20:24 (nineteen years ago)

i hate american football because it's too architected - all its parts have been bolted on by successive generations to create this big lumbering autobot. wait a minute that sounds awesome!

(the "bloodlust" stirred up by american football is laughable next to that provoked by the other kind obv)

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Thursday, 28 September 2006 20:42 (nineteen years ago)

after spending 6 years as a student and 4 more years as a resident, i can say from personal experience that games in ann arbor are much better in yost ice arena than michigan stadium

(cap: 6,600 vs 101K+)

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 28 September 2006 20:53 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.bus.ucf.edu/sport/cgi-bin/site/sitew.cgi?page=/ides/index.htx

NFL:
Black: 69%
Whites: 32%
Asian/Pacific Islanders: 2%
Latinos: Tony Gonzalez and Los Bros Grammatica

MLB:
Black: 8.5%
Latino: 29%
White: 60%
Asian/PI: 2.5%

NBA:
Black: 73%
White: 22%
Latino: 3%
Asian/PI: YAO!

NHL:
Canadian: 55%
Finns: 4%
Russians: 15%
Swedes: 6%
Czechs: 16%
Americans: 8%
Black: Anson Carter

― c('°c) (Leee), Thursday, 28 September 2006 21:35 (nineteen years ago)

It follows: NHL is most diverse.

― c('°c) (Leee), Thursday, 28 September 2006 21:39 (nineteen years ago)

football is awesome.

i like baseball but fuck "intellectual" baseball fans like george will. they all sound like they should be wearing monocles and shit.

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 28 September 2006 21:40 (nineteen years ago)

"why i haven't seen a player stand astride the mound with such dignity and grace since i witnessed mugsly mcnamara pitch eight perfect innings for the kansas city monarchs in ought-six."

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 28 September 2006 21:45 (nineteen years ago)

nba has one superhero from each country, like a justice lig

yao, dirk, gasol, ginobli, bogut, nash, CARLOS ARROYO, etc. w/diaw repping france cuz tony paker is gross

― styler (styler), Thursday, 28 September 2006 22:15 (nineteen years ago)

that nationalistic/fascist diatribe upthread could describe any number of retarded baseball rivalries.

― gear (gear), Thursday, 28 September 2006 22:15 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

hey guys squirrel police could see a stadium from his house

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 30 September 2008 17:11 (seventeen years ago)

Christ Morbs was quoting Perrin in 2006?

― David R., Tuesday, 30 September 2008 17:17 (seventeen years ago)

the more things change, etc etc! (ps nothing has changed, i don't know why i used this phrase)

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 30 September 2008 17:28 (seventeen years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.signonsandiego.com/nfl/arrests-database/

― buzza, Monday, 23 August 2010 03:42 (fifteen years ago)

so great hearing about NFL preseason every fucking 5 minutes on a Fox baseball game

― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Monday, 23 August 2010 11:28 (fifteen years ago)

you're the guy that goes to little league games and listens to major league on a portable radio

― you doesn't hasta call me johnson (CaptainLorax), Monday, 23 August 2010 18:56 (fifteen years ago)

i live aprox. 200 feet away from ground zero.

― buzza, Monday, 23 August 2010 19:05 (fifteen years ago)

I live near Trader Joe's.

― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 23 August 2010 19:07 (fifteen years ago)

I live far away from Capt Lorax, thank Jesus

― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Monday, 23 August 2010 20:22 (fifteen years ago)

it's nice that you still make it to his little league games

― iatee, Monday, 23 August 2010 20:24 (fifteen years ago)

typo, meant minor league

― you doesn't hasta call me johnson (CaptainLorax), Wednesday, 25 August 2010 23:24 (fifteen years ago)

but glad to hear that you appreciate Jesus Dr Morbius

― you doesn't hasta call me johnson (CaptainLorax), Wednesday, 25 August 2010 23:25 (fifteen years ago)

kind of creepy that you keep track of where I live though

― you doesn't hasta call me johnson (CaptainLorax), Wednesday, 25 August 2010 23:32 (fifteen years ago)

I think Morbz was actually name-checking this dude

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__mokxbTmuJM/SlT4uhOVgDI/AAAAAAAAECI/e6971-WBcOw/s400/john-turturro-as-jesus-quintana1.jpg

― a mix of music (Lionel Ritchie) and kicks (my tongue) (Phil D.), Wednesday, 25 August 2010 23:35 (fifteen years ago)

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