For those of you in relationships: how did it start?

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I just broke up with a girl this past August that I had dated for over three years, and that was my first serious relationship I had ever been in (I'm still young, even compared to you guys). Now there's another girl that I feel I'm going to start dating at some point in the future -- I'm certainly interested in her, and it feels like she's interested in me as well (other people have agreed), BUT i can't be 100% certain about that. My last relationship was easy to start up because we both shared a mutual friend that helped pass information along - however, with the new girl, we literally don't have mutual friends. I'm not really afraid to tell her how I feel, but it's just that if I DO turn out to be wrong, it's going to make things awkward and ruin our friendship. The other thing is that if I asked her out to dinner or something of the sort, it would just seem friendly because we do hang out fairly regularly.

So...how did you start your current relationship? I feel like an idiot asking for posting this online, but I'm more just curious about how others began dating rather than asking for specific advice on my current situation.

― Reatards Unite, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 15:55 (nineteen years ago)

i spent 2005 getting my ass kicked. near the end of it, a girl mailed me via myspace and turned out not to be crazy stalker psycho killer but really special girl. and that's the end of that chapter.

― stevie, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:00 (nineteen years ago)

for ref: http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=40&threadid=10402

― blueski, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:02 (nineteen years ago)

40 ounces of malt liquor and some socks that had "FUCK YOU" written on them in gothic lettering

― Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:05 (nineteen years ago)

I'm thankful for a fresh thread rather than reviving an old one that contains cringe-worthy ancedotes from years past.

I had casually dated my guy years ago and then moved to another city. We stayed in minimal contact since we shared a large number of mutual friends. About four years ago I contacted him via MySpace to get the mgr's number of a band I was writing about. we started emailing, flirting, got together and found ourselves in LURVE unlike the previous time we had spent together.

Four-five months after becoming a couple I moved back to Austin and in with him. It's been almost three years now. que awesome.

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

that old thread is totally classic tho - worth reading if you're new.

― blueski, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:11 (nineteen years ago)

NO DON'T!

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

you can't erase ilx history! (actually you can in some cases)

― blueski, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:13 (nineteen years ago)

I know I can't, and that's fine. but some of it (memories of bad relationship and horrible job) just is painful.

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:15 (nineteen years ago)

well i'm not saying you should read it again. there are loads of heart-warming anecdotes on it that might inspire this thread's author tho innit.

― blueski, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:18 (nineteen years ago)

yes and he probably won't know who I am if he hasn't been around. But that doesn't mean I can't be embarrassed and encourage the non-digging up of threads, does it?

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:19 (nineteen years ago)

reading that old thread would depress me, I'm sure of it

― mh, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:20 (nineteen years ago)

It pulled at the heartstrings a bit but I don't think it was actually depressing.

Instead of having dinner, GO TO THE PUB :)

― Sarah, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:25 (nineteen years ago)

yes drinks are good for early dates. Less awkward, more lubricating.

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:25 (nineteen years ago)

wow getting a myspace comes in handy don't it?

and boozes.

― pisces, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:27 (nineteen years ago)

I get myspzz invites to lots of indie clubs which I never go to as I never manage to get round to actually rounding up any of my mates to come along to them! Perhaps that is why I have not had any h00xing up!

― Sarah, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:29 (nineteen years ago)

GRAMMER ffs Sarah.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 16:29 (nineteen years ago)

I met my other half through a mutual friend and being a Philosophy student at the same time, and going to all the same gigs and that.

Not via teh internet, although we're both on here (she's e.mily).

― Mister Craig, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 21:00 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.itsjustlunch.com

― strongohulkington, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 22:51 (nineteen years ago)

What is this, your LiveJournal? Who cares? Okay? NEXT!

― SRSco, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 23:42 (nineteen years ago)

Whoah, dog. Slow your roll. You just got out of a relationship and you want to know how to start one with a girl you've just started hanging out with? You really need to chill. You'll be chasing this girl away if you start talking this crazy shit around her.

― mrcs, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 23:45 (nineteen years ago)

On Ile.

― luna, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 23:55 (nineteen years ago)

TELL HER, don't be retarded. If she says no, play it cool; she might change her mind. I told my girlfriend that I had thing for her (when we were "friends," obv)--she sorta rejected me at first but three weeks later we ended up together. YMMV.

― max, Wednesday, 2 May 2007 23:59 (nineteen years ago)

Dancing barefoot in a club is highly recommended. So long as your feet aren't too gnarly, your friend will doubtless offer to massage them, which in turn can only lead to a loving, fulfilling relationship. It happened to me 7 years ago, and we're still going strong ;-)

― Huey in Melbourne, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:04 (nineteen years ago)

I'm not really afraid to tell her how I feel, but it's just that if I DO turn out to be wrong, it's going to make things awkward and ruin our friendship. The other thing is that if I asked her out to dinner or something of the sort, it would just seem friendly because we do hang out fairly regularly.

"might ruin the friendship" is the worst excuse ever not to tell a girl how you feel. OK, it's one thing if she's your lifelong friend and confidant or something, but it doesn't sound that way. It's much more likely that NOT telling her how you feel will cause the friendship to fizzle out in a long slow way.

Best thing to do is tell her how you feel and be straightforward - no apologies or qualifications.

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:11 (nineteen years ago)

smoke cigarettes

― admrl, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:13 (nineteen years ago)

There were too many times when I didn't act on that kind of feeling. Once I did, and it led to a brief relationship that ultimately didn't work out, and now we're no more or less friends than we were before. Another time I did, we hooked up, then she said she didn't want to date me, and then we were friends again soon after.

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:13 (nineteen years ago)

i seriously do recommend it's just lunch

― strongohulkington, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:14 (nineteen years ago)

footsy in the sand

― Surmounter, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:14 (nineteen years ago)

Followed by anal milkshake

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:15 (nineteen years ago)

(obv)

― Hurting 2, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:16 (nineteen years ago)

ewww!!!

its just lunch is hilarious

― Surmounter, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:17 (nineteen years ago)

speaking of anal sweets, they now make anus shaped chocolates. i never talk about anuses, and i don't know that i ever will again.

― Surmounter, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:18 (nineteen years ago)

speaking seriously, i feel if you both know, you'll just know

u know?

― Surmounter, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:19 (nineteen years ago)

Internet message board

― Jeff, Thursday, 3 May 2007 00:26 (nineteen years ago)

It started when I saw his band play at 924 Gilman street at an event sponsored by the O.T.O. (an Aleister Crowley cult) called "The Feast of Venus". The next time we met, he put a dollar in my G-string while I was go-go dancing at Club Uranus.

That was fourteen years ago.

― Drew Daniel, Thursday, 3 May 2007 02:17 (nineteen years ago)

THE WINNER

― Dimension 5ive, Thursday, 3 May 2007 03:06 (nineteen years ago)

this modern love breaks me

― bernard snowy, Thursday, 3 May 2007 03:08 (nineteen years ago)

My now-husband asked me out loads of times, almost from the day we met on our first day at university. I really liked him as a friend, he was the sweetest and kindest and funniest person I knew, but the spark just wasn't there (read: I had designs on someone else at the time and wasn't cutting myself off from that road just yet, wah, silly me). He bumbled around for a while, then gave up on the pursuit, yet still made me feel special, and understood that I didn't want to go out with him yet remained a really good friend. There's a story over that other thread which was the start of the lightbulb going on over my head. We eventually got together at our graduation dinner. I'd been giving him useful advice for pursuing another girl who we both knew on our course, after pointing out to him a while back not to waste his efforts on me. She wasn't having any of it, so I stood in the toilets with her and another mutual friend drunkenly babbling how he was the nicest, kindest, sweetest, funniest, most caring person in the world who would make her so happy. She turned to me and said "if you think he's such a bloody great boyfriend, why aren't *you* going out with him, he thinks the world of you, everyone knows it". And I had drunk a lot of tequila and couldn't think of a reason, so I went and talked to him again and we went home together and seven months later we were engaged and a year and a half after that we were married and we'll have been married for six years this year and together for eight, and I have NO IDEA why I wasted so much time right at the start (except that I AM AN IDIOT).

― ailsa, Thursday, 3 May 2007 06:50 (nineteen years ago)

I've had friends I'm not romantically interested in ask me out, and it hasn't ruined any of those friendships. Go for it.

And wow, Ailsa, that is basically the best love story I have ever heard. Congratulations.

― Maria, Thursday, 3 May 2007 07:12 (nineteen years ago)

Spent 2003-4 getting trodden into the dirt, leading to massive breakdown - no need to elaborate, the wreckage remains strewn across the ILE back catalogue - and cast iron belief that no one would ever be interested in being with somebody like me ever again (fortysomething widower with mild-to-moderate Asperger's? Don't all rush at once, etc.). Anyway, her blog started linking to my blog in 2003, and we started to chat on email in 2004 and because she was in Canada I didn't think much about it beyond, well, there's a nice overseas penpal-type relationship going on here, one nice little corner of my life which redeems the fucked-up rest of it. Typically I was so blinkered by hurt and too much else that I forgot how my relationship with Laura started, i.e. exactly the same way (though we were actual, pre-internet age penpals) and that it was gradual and took three years to become what it became.

Then as 2005 progressed, and double kicks in the backside (Nick gone, then Liz gone) prompted me to Snap Out Of It, I realised that something was developing here, and it was nice and familiar but also new and exciting, and so we got closer and then we finally met and everything fell gracefully into place and you know the rest.

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 3 May 2007 07:44 (nineteen years ago)

That's grand, Ailsa. A lovely story :)

I think mine will remain on the other thread.

― Dr.C, Thursday, 3 May 2007 08:16 (nineteen years ago)

I like N even more now, Ailsa! That's v romantic. I can testify that you are a great couple for the old boozing with :)

― kv_nol, Thursday, 3 May 2007 08:40 (nineteen years ago)

We were friends first with a mutual admiration for each other and the same sense of flippant foolish frippery.

I was in a messy relationship that was drawing to a close, (my then partner was moving to another country) so I never made my feelings known for fear of making things worse.

One night about three days before my partner was due to leave, a large group of us were at a friends barbecue. My partner threw one of his spectacular tantrums leaving everyone embarrassed and all of a sudden sober, and he stormed off home. Instead of running after him like I always used to do I stayed.

Everyone congratulated me on taking a stand and before long we were back in the party mood again. The atmosphere was so much lighter with him gone and I was dizzy with the knowledge that I'd soon be free of him for good.

A lot of our mutual friends expressed the same feeling, and later in the night I got talking to my now fiance. We sat engrossed in one another in a way we'd never been before and when the party started to split up we decided to walk the few miles home with a bottle of champagne.

The sun was just coming up and we stopped in the middle of the road to admire the sky, I can remember the incredible cliche of birds singing loudly in the trees. The first kiss was so natural, and I thought to myself "this is my prize for seeing bawhied through to his conclusion" (bawheid was my partners name)

We stood smooching near a bus stop and some time later a police car pulled up, they reminded us that it was Easter Monday and there would be no buses, and kindly offered us a lift home.

We got together the next night to discuss what could happen. We decided then to make a commitment to one another - we knew a lot of people would be shocked and put out by our relationship. We tried not to see each other until Bawheid was gone, it was difficult trying to be around him although we all knew that it was over between us.

Anyway, I've rambled and rambled, I could probably have condensed that into one paragraph but Mr is my favourite subject ;~)

― *rumpie*, Thursday, 3 May 2007 09:30 (nineteen years ago)

We'd drunkenly made out in clubs a couple of times. she said " So are we seeing each other or what?" and I said ok. then I hid behind the biscuit aisle when I saw her in the corner shop the next day.

that was 11 years ago. romantic eh?

― tom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 09:46 (nineteen years ago)

Did she find you in the biscuit aisle?

― braveclub, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:04 (nineteen years ago)

Crumbs!

― C J, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:06 (nineteen years ago)

he jammily dodged her.

― blueski, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:08 (nineteen years ago)

He escaped in a Taxi.

― *rumpie*, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:13 (nineteen years ago)

nah, she found me. if it wasn't for her unexpected craving for a chocolate digestive, who knows whether we'd still be together. I'm not really sure what my though process was : "look! there's the really hot girl who I like and who likes me and who I'm seeing/going out with/dating/whatever. Cool, I'll.... run away and hide!"

― tom, Thursday, 3 May 2007 10:17 (nineteen years ago)

We stood smooching near a bus stop and some time later a police car pulled up, they reminded us that it was Easter Monday and there would be no buses, and kindly offered us a lift home.
___

WOW! where was this?? is it common pratice?

― pisces, Thursday, 3 May 2007 11:54 (nineteen years ago)

This was in a little village called Inchinnan, and no, it's not common practice. We look sweet together, we're one of those couples old ladies cluck at.

For the first two years of our relationship we were sort of joined at the nose, we'd sing to each other, snuggle in public places, do the whole laughing into each others faces like the couple out of the denture fixative advert.

I hope Kates not reading, she'll be grinding her teeth down to stumps.

― *rumpie*, Thursday, 3 May 2007 12:08 (nineteen years ago)

Mister Monkey used to be a very good friend of my first husband. Not any more!

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 3 May 2007 12:14 (nineteen years ago)

ooh details?

― pisces, Thursday, 3 May 2007 12:31 (nineteen years ago)

Mr. Monkey and the first husband's passion for each other was just too much.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 3 May 2007 12:43 (nineteen years ago)

Yes. Something like that.

Sadly the details are not v. juicy. As one relationship disintegrated, another one filtered in to take its place. Perhaps if Mister M hadn't been around, the previous relationship would have taken longer to fall apart, but it would have fallen apart nevertheless.

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 3 May 2007 12:46 (nineteen years ago)

Ahh seamless. I love it.

― *rumpie*, Thursday, 3 May 2007 13:56 (nineteen years ago)

She still had a gun in the pub. Nearly six years now.

― Scik Mouthy, Thursday, 3 May 2007 14:00 (nineteen years ago)

I think mine will remain on the other thread.

Mine too, I'm quite proud that I derailed it into Birdland and See See Rider :)

― onimo, Thursday, 3 May 2007 14:10 (nineteen years ago)

Yours was great!

― Dr.C, Thursday, 3 May 2007 14:22 (nineteen years ago)

It's all gone very tragic on the other thread now, though.

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 3 May 2007 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

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