What does girlfriend steal?

what are her methods?

As long as it's not your heart.

she jsut shoplifts. puts the stuff in her bag. she's good at it. i don't even realise she's doing it most of the time.
xpost

gf that steals expensive cheese = keeper

jism

it sounds fun, but this can only end badly.

jism thievery, the next step in radical feminism. it's a long-term game plan.

she could move on to bigger stuff and get herself and more importantly - you into trouble

http://www.runoutgroove.net/armand_live.jpg

when she's stealing jism it's usually onto a bigger stuff

i have never seen her stealing other things. just food items. i guess because the risk is low. no alarm thingys on cheese.

she has good taste though. we make some good tapas with a lot of this stuff.

This is more common then i thought.

jism

haha I was just coming here to say "precious bodily fluids"

She may also be plotting to poison my water supply with fluoride.

my precious bodily fluids are a gift that needs to be givin. so is not stealing

your girlfriend should serve as a lesson to shoplifters everywhere: steal the good stuff cause you're going to jail either way.

haha i know someone who was caught stealing cheese and arrested, it was very stupid. i'm sure your girlfriend will at least have the good sense to not argue with the police about how it not morally wrong to steal food, resist arrest, and refer to herself as a political prisoner.

this seems like a dumb thing.

Get girlfriend psychiatric help before she fucks up her life /funhater

i also forgot to close /funhater tag

if you guys are going to steal stuff it should be stupid pointless things. like when my friend stole the hueg poster of the side of a Togos

i'm pretty sure if i asked her not to do this anymore she would just stop.

have people been stealing a lot of milk lately?

-- cutty, Tuesday, October 30, 2007 12:25 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

http://www.fazed.com/images/winona.jpg

3. gurlfriend pls stop shoplifting cheese from wholefoods. it is scary and it's not like u need the money!!

-- vahid (vfoz...), November 29th, 2006. (vahid) (later) (link)

queso-klepto

Oh shit ^^

good cheese cost mad bread

but good bread is pretty easy on the cheddar

the "money = cheese" metaphor: origins revealed

though i am partial to the "money = cake" metaphor, because then you can refer to the crumpled up 1's in yr pocket as "scratch"

can your girlfriend steal a cake for me?

if it fits in hand bag

i wonder how much money the average whole-foods loses each month on stolen cheese? it doesn't seem an uncommon problem, so I guess they probably account for it in their bottom line somewhere.

the only cheese i steal from the supermarket is an extra lump of feta cheese, which I eat while preparing my lunch at the salad bar.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-5/729624/janes_addiction_been_caught-wmv003.jpg

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2004/09/30/nfldcheese_040930.html

it's a slippery tasty sloop

errr..slope

i think i haven't ever stolen a thing from a supermarket.

The heroin-cold medicine combination known as "cheese" has not yet traveled north from Dallas to Collin County, area narcotics investigators say. But that hasn't stopped suburban users from applying the catchy name to their heroin.

cheese is my heroin

that's because when casein protein breaks down, the casein peptides react to the opiate receptors in yr brain! so yea, cheese = heroin.

In ancient Athens, there was a designated area for the production of cheese in the market and in ancient Sparta; a whole ritual took place on the context of cheese theft that formed part of the military training.

she is training for war!!

The worst that will happen is they will tell you to put it back and never come in again.

Big deal!

oh my GOD, my fiancee totally does this, too!!!

she grabs cheese from whole foods!!

been caught stealing once, when i was five

oh haha i didn't see i had been quoted upthread.

do you tell her to stop doing it?

i would. it's just kind of...dorky.

why not steal the whole cow

where do you live that there it is not a "big deal" to face charges?? i am genuinely curious?

this seems like such a stupid thing to get busted for. i would be embarrassed.

Not even I, with my MONSTROUS THUNDERCOCK, can successfully smuggle a cow in my pants without someone noticing.

If you're going to steal, go with the plausible deniability route - one item left at the back of the basket or underneath or something. "Oh, god, missed that. Lemme pay for it."

that does work

Dan, that needs to be in the FAQ or something. xxpost

yeah, "cheese casually dropped into coat pocket", as a strategy, has an absent-minded plausability that "cheese tucked into underwear" notably lacks.

Question, do you only steal pre packaged cheese or do you ask them to cut you a chunk at the deli counter and then steal it?

Is is wrong to ask for a tasting sample of cheese before stealing a hunk?

i wonder if you could construct a wearable undergarment from individually wrapped kraft slices, tho?

That is not really cheese though.

this thread is going to cause me to become a self-loathing white person

pasturized cheeze food product, whatever.

OMAR IS WHITE?>!?!??!!

She stole cheese. He stole crackers. Until one day, they were arrested. Now, things are going to get a whole lot tastier in Burbank County Jail. Snack Time. Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?

wear cheese undergarment with cheese perfume
http://images.teamsugar.com/files/users/1/15259/21_2007/stiltoncheeseperfume.jpg

: O

we wandered into some cheese shop in the village over the weekend and boy did her eyes light up with what most certainly were thoughts of the easy marks.

carne this is one of my favorite threads

I am the thief in my relationship.

i had two girlfriends (not same time) who both stole nirvana'a nevermind album from myself.

yeah this totally made me :). i used to steal cheese like all the time :(

boggling at that perfume,I hope it's real

there's a cheaper way to smell like cheese

Note to self: patent food-grade nanobot RFID tags.

i think i forced her into retirement but if it ever becomes necessary to call her back into action she’s ready.

there's a cheaper way to smell like cheese

not bathing?

of course!

That's not quite cheese though. Smearing cheese uponst oneself creat a more genuine cheese odor aura.

imo not bathing = more ham than cheese

my dog smells like ham if he doesn't get a bath every couple weeks.

maybe but the first thing i think when a really stinky guy (or girl) sits in front of me on a bus is that he smells like aged cheese

I never get to "aged cheese"; usually my brain stops at "old ham" and/or "hot garbage".

I will steal books from u
If u my boo

if only ilx was in smellovision, we could find the ilxor who smells most like cheese, and the ilxor who smells most like ham.
then have a poll.

onions ime

onions is another common smell among the unwashed

I will steal books from u
If u my boo

I never stole books from my last boo, even though the opportunity to was comically huge. I only even have two books that I borrowed and didn't return, and those were genuine oversights.

I do not thnk I have stolen anything!

my hart

It turns out she got the shoplifting gene from her mom. She was telling me stories of using the kids as cover up to shoplift back in the day when they first came to the states.

I will steal books from u
If u my boo

I never stole books from my last boo, even though the opportunity to was comically huge. I only even have two books that I borrowed and didn't return, and those were genuine oversights.

― tie me up, dress in drag, and read to me from the bible (kenan), Monday, 12 October 2009 21:00 (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalin

yeah,that's pretty much what i do
I've never shoplifted . i can't bring myself to steal an apple.

usually my brain stops at "old ham"

http://www.pickabook.co.uk/CoverImages/Oct2006/0B27D8F3.JPG

My girlfriend and I have been sneaking into a lot of movies lately. We also lift things from the market. Good team.

I always called sneaking into movies (pay for one, watch two) "shotgunning" movies. I have had several partners in crime on this. The way to make the crime feel victimless is to pay for the little indie movie that needs your money, and sneak into the one (or two, maybe, on a Sunday) that is a big-studio crapfest that isn't living or dying on your dollar, anyway.

I am forever trying to get my upstanding Canadian sweetheart to shotgun movies with me, to no avail.

That was the only time my parents would take us to the movie theater, if there was a second movie worth sneaking into. This is silly but OTOH they had five kids and paying for seven movie tickets on one income is no small thing.

Choosing to have five kids and one income is also kind of silly but we're all pretty cool people so it worked out.

My parents recently discovered this trick. Which is awesome. Except that they are also the old couple that talks during the film...

Now that the GF and I have "shotgunned" a few, she's obsessed with sneaking in entirely. I'm not seeing that as a worthwhile risk, but I applaud her sense of debauchery.

A lot of places started checking your tickets at the entrance to the particular theater now, instead of just the lobby.

Surely the big multiplexes can't afford enough staff to man every theater door constantly.