Pitch TV drama ideas that involve Dean Gaffney

Miracle Goodnight: Gaffney stars as a by-the-book cop, catapulted back to the early-mid 90s after being caught in a terrorist explosion blahdy blah Gene Hunt still alive but is wheeled around in an Iron Lung by that girl with the big teeth from Man Stroke Woman.

PLUS ONE: Dean Gaffney plays a Jack-The-Lad straight out of Belmarsh who blags his way into a job with a London-based PR firm specialising in promoting superclub DJs.

HAMLET: Dean Gaffney stars as Danish prince, paralysed by conscience following the murder of his father.

Tower Hamlet more like

CR7: Dean Gaffney stars as an over-emotional Portugese winger for a major Lancashire-based sporting team.

AKELA - Dean Gaffney stars in gentle comedy about a Cub Scout group in Dorset.

Gaffney's Gaffer Gaffs: Dean presents clip show of accidents around the exdecutive producer's home involving industrial adhesive tape (C) Lee & Herring 1999

COCK FARMER: Dean Gaffney stars as Dane Gaffrey, a streetwise Premiership star forced to retire through a sickening injury inflicted by Irish hardman Ray Zealous. Dane is persuaded by his Glamour Model girlfriend (played by that Birds of a Feather that wasn't Pauline Quirke) to take over his grandfather's run-down poultry farm in rural Hampshire. Bittersweet comedy ensues as city boy Dane learns to live with his inbred fuckwit neighbours.

DAYS OF WHINE AND ROSES: Dean Gaffney stars as an internet message board poster.

UP THE TOTTERIDGE AND ROUND THE WHETSTONE: Dean Gaffney stars as lovable rogue cockney minicab driver caught between love for his girlfriend (Denise Van Outen) and his overbearing mother (Miriam Margolyes).

Pitch at Gaffney: Reality show in which a stern-faced Dean Gaffney sits behind a big desk while various internet layabouts pitch ideas for TV shows starring the man himself. Winner gets a pilot at 2AM on BBC 3.

DEAN GAFFNEY IN A TUTU: Speaks for itself, really.

I'M A FREE MAN INNI?: Dean Gaffney stars as call centre worker who suddenly quits his job and is kidnapped to a quaint holiday village where he has to answer to The Gaffer (Bill Bailey). Watch out for hilarious comedy balloon Rover! (Ade Edmondson)

Dean Caught Stealing: Gaffney's loveable rogue is banged up and spends his days winding up yer man from Still Game's stick-in-the-mud warden

Gaffney's Up Mother Brown: explicit sitcom ft. a cameo from Paul Jewell

extreme makeover is already a tv show.

SKINS - Channel Four teen drama, Dean Gaffney co-stars as pervy psychology teacher, repository for wanking gags.

(Actually that one might happen)

PART-TIME ROZZER: Dean Gaffney plays a streetwise Bow Street Runner who receives a blow to the head whilst pursuing Dick Turpin and wakes up in 2008. Somehow he must piece together the events which led to his accident, before an 18th century doctor saws his head to see what would happen, like. Features i-Phones.

DINO: Dean Gaffney stars as lovable rogue entertainer Dean "Dino" Martin in this wry, warts and all three-part drama. Also featuring: Ross Kemp (Frank Sinatra), Nick Hancock (Sammy Davis Jr) and Martin Kemp (Sam Giacana).

CHOPPER-VETS: Dean Gaffney plays a no-nonsense Veterinary Surgeon during the first Gulf War, where his skills are pushed to the limit rescuing injured camels and shit.

D.G.: Gaffney plays a former message board admin who embarks on a epic quest to reclaim his ownership rights. Co-starring Martin Jol as his loveable sidekick 'Fet Neek'

COCK-BLOCK COP: Dean Gaffney plays a rogue homosexual copper who must prevent his partner from getting a shag, because there's a dirty bomb wired to his knackers.

THE VELVET GLOVE - Dean Gaffney stars as a bisexual assassin in Victorian London, script by Russell T Davies.

SKEGNESS: Dean Gaffney stars in new askew comedy series where a group of package tourists arrive in the well-known resort of Skegness, United Kingdom, Europe, without a script and pretend they're Larry David, or something.

SOLE MAN: Dean Gaffney plays a fishmonger in blackface

STREETS OF RAGE: Dean Gaffney stars as streetwise former Rage Against the Machine frontman Zack de la Rocha, who leads an underground rebel militia against a totalitarian US government in 2013. His plan to bring down the system mostly involves walking really slowly from left to right and punching dudes in the face. Cameo appearance from David Hasselhoff as Hilary Clinton.

TOY SOLDIERS: Inspiring biopic starring Dean Gaffney as a toymaker in Kandahar whose resolve and courage helps bring down the Taliban.

DUE WEST: Dean Gaffney stars as streetwise serial killer and handyman Fred West, whose life is turned upside down when a black Police Inspector moves in next door. Co-starring Alexa Chung.

THE LAUGHING GNOME: Dean Gaffney stars in exciting new Sixties fantasy series as twenties philosopher Ludwig Wittengstein who gets shot by a desperate gunman (Hugo Speer) and wakes up in Swinging Sixties London, England, World, where he has to work with idiosyncratic "bobby" (old slang for policeman) Sergeant Gene Hunt and understand why Alex Drake is now his uncle.

FUCKING SHAMBLES: Gaffney excels as incompetent T5 baggage handler Terry Milquetoast

DOCTOR WHO: Dean Gaffney as Davros.

TERMINAL FIVE: Dean Gaffney stars in exciting new docudrama comedy as hapless hopeless manager who has to revive stuck career of early noughties chart-topping boy band. Guest star Brian May appears as himself.

MY LOVELY WHORES: Dean Gaffney stars as a streetwise Tibetan lama whose life is turned upside-down when he inherits a string of high class prostitutes from his late grandfather. Featuring Girls Aloud.

VERNON KAY'S TWENTIETH CENTURY ATROCITIES MARATHON: Featuring a special appearance by Dean Gaffney as Pol Pot.

BI PLAINS DRIFTER: Dean Gaffney stars as a right-wing newspaper columnist who lives a double life, cruising Salisbury Plain late at night in search of gay sex. In a Sopwith Camel.

THE WOODENTOPS: Dean Gaffney stars in this revival of the fifties children's show where he shares a flat in exclusive Docklands, east London, Britain, with the lovable wooden characters and hilariously tries to avoid being sectioned by the cunning but evil caretaker (Nicholas Ball).

ZINGS OF LIFE: Dean Gaffney plays renegade Techno star Derrick May who nods off whilst remixing "Nude Photo" and wakes up in 2008. As he struggles to understand what the fuck Minimal is supposed to be, Derrick must piece together the events which led him to his coma, before Kevin Saunderson drops "Big Fun".

SYSTEMS THINKING: Dean Gaffney stars as hardbitten football manager struggling to stay in "Division One" and keep his job until he employs young thrusting whizzkid DJ Marty (Rupert Grist) to save the day with his brand new "Holistic" approach. Also featuring Mackenzie Crook as hardbitten team captain "Terry John."

CONGO HONGRO: Dean Gaffney stars as streetwise musicologist Geir "Geir" Hongro, who is posted to West Africa as a UN envoy to teach the natives the virtues of European tonal music. Will he able to make them stop with the amelodic rhythmic hurdy-gurdy, or will he succumb to the mysterious "Heart of Darkness" (James Brown)?

GET IT TOGETHER: Dean Gaffney hosts this revival of the Granada seventies kids' pop show. Featuring the Wombats, Jamelia and Gabriella Climi as well as Gaffney's own weekly interpretations of songs like "Golden Skans" and "Crosstown Traffic" accompanied by Petra Lorenzo and her Girls Now! Dancers.

GAFF TO THE FUTURE: After having a mysterious dream about a futuristic society where all disputes are solved in hi-octane death races, Dean Gaffney suffers a blow to the head outside Camden Sainsbury's and is killed instantly.

DEAN'S GAFFES: Sidesplitting new series where viewers send in their videos of the lovable EastEnders rogue in embarrassing yet hilarious situations, e.g. falling in pond, crashing into Xmas tree, &c. Harry Hill narrates.

THE ROQUEFORT FILES: Dean Gaffney stars as a streetwise, renegade restaurant critic who isn't afraid to bend the rules when it comes to reviewing overpriced meals. Co-starring Patsy Kensit as Michael Winner.

Gaffy Taffy: Polarity ensues when Man like Dean relocates to Cardiff to run a strip club. The guy who played Huw in Eastenders probably features at some point.

DEANS MEANS HEINZ - Dean Gaffney stars in biopic of Joe Meek protege Heinz. Ricky Gervais plays his mentor Joe Meek.

STEPTOE AND SON 2.0 - Gaffney plays Harold Steptoe, an ambitious internet auction site owner who is held back by father Albert Steptoe (Paul O'Grady) who still prefers to do business from a horse and cart.

STEPTOE AND SON 2.0 - Gaffney plays Harold Steptoe, an ambitious internet auction site owner who is held back by father Albert Steptoe (Paul O'Grady) who still prefers to do business from a horse and cart Geocities page.

DEAN GAFFNEY IS A. TWUNT: Dean Gaffney plays the role of Arthur Twunt, a man who is a complete and utter twunt, in this hilarious ITV sitcom.

A. TWUNT IS DEAN GAFFNEY: Out of work Shakespearean actor Arthur Twunt plays the role of Dean Gaffney, in this hilarious ITV fak-reality-TV-show-load-of-old-cobblers-thingy, based on a half-arsed idea some producer wrote down on the back of a beermat during a marathon speedball session. This series may be cancelled at very short notice.

FIVE STARS OR NONE: Dean Gaffney plays Alex Partridge-Dish, a lovable rogue music writer for a major newspaper, who continually tries to convince overlord editor Michael Hanna (Mick Hucknall) to let him write about music he likes.

ok i just lost my shit

GAFFNEY'S SUPER POOPER CHALLENGZRX: TV's Bradley Walsh goes around London, England, with a mission to clear up all the shit on the streets within two hours. Featuring Tania Bryer as timekeeper.

WALKING BACK TO HAPPINESS: Dean Gaffney stars as a somnambulant Grimsby man convinced that he is well in there with a North Sea mermaid. Each week, the world-weary locals have to devise a new scheme to stop Dean from walking into the sea in pursuit of his imaginary paramour. However, is she really only a figment of Dean's imagination?

MORE THAN WORDS: Dean Gaffney in the tragic tale of a man who can only communicate via writing in the blood of people he has recently murdered. Features Tom Cruise in his first major role for ITV.

would watch walking back to happiness

DEAN OF AMERICAN ROCK CRITICS - Gaffney stars as Robert Christgau in this explosive dramatization of the 1986 Pazz and Jop list.

DEAN'S BACK PAGES: Celebrity psychologists leaf through Dean Gaffney's infamously large collection of Europorn and reveal for the first time exactly which pages are stuck together with crusting ejaculate and what theytell us about Dean.

I would put my money on German golden shower porn.

CELEBRITY DEAN GAFFNEY LOVE BOAT: A dozen stunning celebs are stranded on a slave galley drifting aimlessly around the pacific. Gaffney (initially gentle and sweet, but progressively more aggressive) appears as a huge projection on the sails trying to persuade them to have sex with each other. Each week the public votes for one celeb to 'walk the plank'.

NO COUNTRY FOR OLDMAN: Actor and director Gary Oldman is an open-minded guy who likes all types of music, apart from R&B, commercial dance ("especially that trance rubbish!!!"), garage, jazz, rap and country & western. Each week, a celebrity devotee explains why they think he should change his mind on a genre of their choice. The first episode sees Dean Gaffney arguing for the merits of "all-time legend" Gram Parsons, with a special acoustic medley of the great man's hits by Gabriela Cilmi and The Blockheads.

DEAN OF THE VALLEYS: A heart-wrenching period drama following the life of National Coal Board chairman Lord Robens of Woldingham (Dean Gaffney) in the aftermath of the Aberfan disaster. Torn between his bilious disdain of the poor and his guilt over the Aberfan deaths, Robens’ psyche undergoes a violent schism leaving two sides fighting for control – one a cynical, money-chasing industrialist, the other a futuristic space pirate battling aliens in the Ebulon system.

Results 1 - 10 of about 98 for "my lovely whores". (0.31 seconds)

None of these ideas are as stupid as remaking Minder with Shane Ritchie as Arthur Daley...

BI PLAINS DRIFTER: Dean Gaffney stars as a right-wing newspaper columnist who lives a double life, cruising Salisbury Plain late at night in search of gay sex. In a Sopwith Camel.

― Noodle Vague, Monday, 31 March 2008 13:02 (2 years ago)

funniest post

http://twitter.com/#!/Joey7Barton/status/133930311988944900

which cultural untouchable is next for a takedown, a nation wonders

Pointless revive.

KILLER KOALA: Dean Gaffney must save Walford from a giant mutant koala rampaging through East London.

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xft1/v/t1.0-9/s720x720/11947632_10153660618058249_3950464242360846572_n.jpg?oh=af5f54bbc0c48b20dec170c4828382f2&oe=56A99884

Because it bit Ian Beale?

DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGERS: Set in a beautifully recreated Plantagent Anjou, Roland (Dean Gaffney) is a quadriplegic from a wealthy noble family who meets and trades places with Renard (Dean Gaffney), a peasant lookalike. In tonight's penultimate episode, the time has come to switch back, but Renard has other ideas. [Subtitles]

GAFFNEY KILLS DOGS - TV's Dean Gaffney visits animal hospitals to give some lucky pups with terminal illnesses a memorable last few hours before personally administering mercy. This week's epsiode: The Wrong Beagle

IT'S GOT TO BE PURFLEET - Dean Gaffney plays Sok, a Kampuchean carpenter hellbent on avenging the brutal slaughter of his family by the Khmer Rouge. When a poorly-planned assassination attempt goes awry, Sok is left for dead but found and nursed to health by mysterious and beautiful furniture restorer Kayleigh. Suddenly Sok is torn between his thirst for vengeance and a chance to escape the red shadow and lovingly craft a new life.

EL SEQ - A grateful Dean Gaffney is offered the job of presenting a reality TV show based on tourists' shenanigans in Marbella, but is actually taken to the village of Seq in Siyahu Rural District, Iran. How long will it take him to realise that he is not on the Costa del Sol, and how will the locals react to Dean's efforts to introduce them to Jägerbomb Strip Poker?

bless this day

DEAN'S LIST: TV's Dean Gaffney invites us to peruse the 35 years' worth of spreadsheets he has maintained featuring female contestants on TV quiz shows and his complex 14 category rating system for evaluating whether they would get it. Episode 9: Blockbusters, featuring an appearance by DCI Clive Jenkins as himself

TOURVILLE AND DEAN: Travelogue-style examination of the life of Anne-Hilarion de Tourville. Dean Gaffney travels to significant locations from the admiral’s life to learn more about both Tourville and Bourbon France. In tonight’s concluding episode, Gaffney finally reaches Versailles, where he seeks to discover why the comte had a girl’s name.

I wish I was a commissioning editor

a+, would forget to watch but would enjoy gifs from on twitter and then forget to watch again before it falls off iplayer

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD DEAN: Weekly singles jukebox with Dean Gaffney and celebrity chums

STAN JAMES: Debut of an ambitious 6-part dual biopic contrasting the lives of British prime minister Stanley Baldwin and novelist/essayist James Baldwin. Stanley’s life is turned upside down when his former headmaster at Harrow is appointed Master of Trinity; meanwhile, Jimmy’s 19th birthday brings his father’s funeral, and violence in Harlem. Dean Gaffney (Eastenders, Bi Planes Drifter) flounders in both roles.

HOW DEAN WAS MY VALLEY: Dean reminisces about his time as a member of the B Mob Charlton Youth Casuals and talks to today's hooligans about how football has changed since the late 1990s, while they take the piss out of him.

that's a real show, surely

MUJAHID DEAN: Dean Gaffney stars as 15-year-old Salahuddin Rabbani, struggling to step out of his father’s shadow against the backdrop of the Soviet–Afghan War. Salahuddin realizes that the changing tenor of rhetoric from new general secretary Gorbachev means that an end may be in sight for the war, but also for his opportunity to bring glory upon himself and Allah. Episode 4: A cassingle of Midge Ure’s “If I Was” causes tension between Salahuddin and Faysal (Shaun Williamson).

NO DEAN BREXIT: Dean Gaffney speculates on how the UK's impending separation from the EU will impact the career of television's Dean Gaffney. Features inflammatory racist rhetoric.

GAFFNEY ORAM - Dean Gaffney presents this BBC4 series on the history of musique conrete in the UK, and grapples with a colossal modular synth.

HIDING BARRY - Dean Gaffney stars in this jaunty comedy in which an isolated Celtic community conspire to conceal a corpse.

DEAN'S HOUSE PARTY - Actually a party at Dean Gaffney's house. DJ Spoony guests.

GAFFY DUCK TAPE - Dean Gaffney stars as an incompetent theatre tech who keeps using gaffer tape where he should be using duct tape and vice-versa. Hilarious high-jinks ensue.

BLADE RUNNER: DEAN’S GAFF KNEE EDITION - director ridley scott returns for a final time to his 1982 science fiction masterpiece, harnessing cutting-edge digital technology to present his vision as originally intended: with the pivotal role of gaff, originally portrayed by pockmarked character actor edward james olmos, now inhabited by a smiley face rendered in sharpie marker on deaf gaffney’s left kneecap

And you still can't understand what he's saying when he meets Deckard at the noodle bar.

DEAN GAFFNEY'S POINTLESS - existential reflections, with co-host Richard Osman

THE GENTLEMEN: Hilarious mockney gangster drama starring Dean Gaffney as John the Bastard

I DREAM OF DEANNIE: Gaffney stars as the title character in this modern reworking of the 60s American fantasy sitcom. Co-starring Elon Musk as astronaut Tony Nelson.

DEAN'S UKULELES OF JUSTICE: Instead of getting your charges and sentence read out by the judge, Dean turns it a rockin' ditty and sings it to the defendant while playing their head like a washboard and twanging their ears etc...

Dean Gaffney is Dracula lol its ironic its good because its ironic

DGAFney: Dean Gaffney finds more things that he doesn't care about this week. Today: car parking charges, overdue library fees and the homeless.

nice

EASTENDERS: dean gaffney essays the role of lovable tearaway robbie jackson in the longrunning serialised BBC1 drama

GREEN SPAFFNEY: fly-on-the wall documentary following loveable tearaway dean gaffney as he visits a series of medical professionals in an increasingly desperate attempt to determine the cause of his bafflingly emerald-hued ejaculate

GAFF IT UP THE WALL: Dean Gaffney, the nation's most loved actor, attacks the opportunism of sexual abuse survivors.

Actor Dean Gaffney (C) poses with other actors to promote the pantomime "Aladdin" in Croydon, England. "Aladdin" will be showing over Christmas at the Fairfield Halls (2003) pic.twitter.com/YcoDAn2tlU

— Great British Getty Images (@shitbritishpics) December 1, 2023