WANTED - aka LOL ACTION FEATURING ANGELINA SKINNIE

wanted to enjoy this way more than i did

macvaoy was great at playing boring uninteresting office drone but was hard to believe as bad ass assassin

I thought that worked in his favor, actually. He'd only been an assassin for 6 weeks so having him not be 100% convincing as the uberassassin injected a small dose of realism into an otherwise gleefully unrealistic romp that I thought grounded the story.

im still trying to figure out what this movie was trying to 'say' but maybe i just shouldnt even bother

I'm pretty sure it was trying to say "OMG EXPLODING HEADS"

mcavoy is pretty boring

eh, I half-agree

Fortunately the set pieces aren't boring so not caring about his character beyond him being a cypher for ridiculous action sequences to pivot on didn't bother me.

The "I'm sorry" hit was massive lolz.

It's saying why not take hold of your destiny by trading in your mundane job for one in which you get to ... do the utilitarian bidding of the all-seeing guardians of fate? And tell your boss she's fat.

The human shield bit was also massive lolz; it was great to see which of the peripheral characters put up a fight and which ones went down in a heartbeat.

really all I wanted to see was a Millar comic book come to life and that's exactly what this was, so me = ^_^

the train scene was pretty dope

every scene that did not involve someone dying was really awful

Does the comic book explain how the assassins (or at least, pretend-dad assassin) are able to fly?

I don't know, actually; I haven't really read it. I skimmed the first set piece and it seems to just be "lol not the real world, douchebag"-type handwaving. (The first set piece in the comic book also involves pretend-dad in a gay threeway in order to spice up his het sex life as opposed to tracking down untraceable bullets in an importer's office, so some artistic license was taken with the source material.)

admittedly i saw this in Russian, so something was lost (or maybe gained) in translation, but i actually didn't mind the first part so much. i mean, yes, "the brotherhood" etc got laughs and groans from the audience, but where the whole thing fell apart for me was when he decided that he would live up to the man his father was and become a super-assassin.

also curious whether other people found some of the closing sequence literally too fast to follow (and therefore get much enjoyment out of). i was sitting in the second row, so maybe it wasn't so bad from farther back where you had more perspective.

We were halfway up the back of the theater and I didn't have any problems following what was happening.

where the whole thing fell apart for me was when he decided that he would live up to the man his father was and become a super-assassin.

wasnt this at the beginning? best not to think too hard about the "why"s in this type of flick ...

Someone (jho!) shd make a moving GIF of that smile / wtf look AJ gives McAvoy when he tells her to move after the fly shooting.

There should about a bazillion anigifs made from scenes in this movie including:

- keyboard to the face
- "I'm sorry" hit
- human shield
- assassin flies out window
- boom goes the head pt 1
- boom goes the head pt 2
- stabbed in the hand
- rat go boom
- lol train
- every smirk AJ gives
- surly Common is surly

- every smirk AJ gives

who is up to the challenge

srsly that's about 3859 gifs there

totally silly with some good lolz.

got crazy superhuman type abilities? might as well put them to good use! assassinate some motherfuckers!

I'm pretty sure it was trying to say "OMG EXPLODING HEADS"

-- HI DERE, Monday, 30 June 2008 16:42 (2 days ago) Link

wait rly

my friend told me about the look-to-the-camera last line of this movie and i could not believe it

I love McAvoy but it appears he's "graduated" to making bad dumbass H'wood movies instead of bad UK arthouse ones.

Saw an interview where he revealed that one effect of taking supplements and working out 4x a week to have a shitbuster-ready body is that you break wind often and fiercely.

See, I thought this was an incredibly great dumbass H'wood movie. The whole thing screamed glee to me from beginning to end and allowed me to really sink into the mood.

wait rly

ya rly; exploding heads are the framing device of the film!

sounds like the ultimate date movie

So the only film to compare this to is Scanners.

so much more fun than Scanners

everytime I hear Mr Freeman do that fucking "mentor voice" I want to send him to bed without rice pudding.

There's an incredibly awesome payoff to that mentor voice, though!

how does his mentor voice differ from his 'march of the penguins' voice

It doesn't, he mentors penguins.

I love the mentor voice.

I liked it best on The Electric Company 35 years ago.

Morgan Freeman should be banned from saying 'fuck'.

Angelina Jolie should be in more films where she has her legs spread through the windscreen of a Dodge Viper racing through downtown Chicago. With guns.

also lol @ loom of fate

yeah i lol'd hard @ "loom of fate" and everyone around me was all "shhh" and i was all "LOOM OF FATE"

loved that they compressed the entire sequel into 15 minutes

all the 'YOU ARE A DRONE YOU SUCK YOU SUCK AT LIFE YOU SUCK' was tiresome and juvenile about 5 minutes into it. last line made me want to throw shit at the screen.

village voice review of this is pretty much otm

the flaws it points out are appropriate, but they don't detract from my giddy enjoyment of what is essentially a noisy bright flashing giddy enjoyment machine

Morgan Freeman should be banned from saying 'fuck'.

-- Upt0eleven, Thursday, July 3, 2008 9:35 AM (3 days ago) Bookmark Link

this is wrong!

no it is not

oh it so is

by saying fuck he made it okay to get shot through the head!

"we can either listen to the fate-powered loom of death-dealing and follow the ancient code of the *wink* 'weavers,' OOOORRRRR... we can shoot this motherfucker and rule!!!"

YES PLEASE SHOOT HIM AND RULE!

you know you kinda wanted it

I wanted them to kill him at the end and go on doing wrong stuff, but that would make Hollywood explode.

This was seriously the silliest movie I think I've ever seen; it was so incredibly entertaining.

*SPOILER SPOILERS SPOILER*

Did it not occur to Angelina et al that if Sloan was manufacturing targets, he obviously had the ability to manufacture their own names out of the Loom?? WTF Angelina w/your assumption he was telling the truth and subsequent awesome murder suicide which was cool but you and McAvoy could have totally rebuilt the Fraternity like a happy ending version of the terrible comics WTF.

yeah i had the same thought, too, but i decided that her motivation was less that their names had appeared on the loom and simply more that all of the weavers should die, that the fraternity should be done away with.

Dan has said pretty much everything I wanted to say about this film elsewhere upthread.

The only thing that bugs me slightly nobody else has mentioned - in the scene where McAvoy goes to the monastery to confront Terence Stamp we see him in front of a(nother?) Loom of Fate examining the cloth. In light of what we see in the end regarding how Morgan Freeman has been manufacturing what comes out of his Loom, and how comparatively Stamp and 'Cross' are the 'good' guys, are we supposed to interpret his is The One True Loom?

Sorry if this comes over all Tuomas about a movie that wasn't really anything more than YAY HEAD SPLODE YAY NOTHER HEAD SPLODE YAY MAKE THAT THREE

i decided that her motivation was less that their names had appeared on the loom and simply more that all of the weavers should die, that the fraternity should be done away with.

^^^^^this seems right, it's what I assumed anyway

this pretty much sucked : /

cosign

thought it was a dope summer movie

i can't believe i actually got to the end of the film, twas dire!
also, jolie doesn't look good anymore :(

yeah the more i think about this movie the more i thought it was pretty unredeemable, even the action was not great

the keyboard face smash and the train scene was good but yeah this was weak

were good

yeah I have no desire to defend this movie beyond repeating that I enjoyed it while I watched it

^^

the office stuff was watered-down, dumbass 'fight club' shit, the action scene were mostly kinda boring, the story was way too thin, and so was angelina jolie.

Basically, as long as you are better than "Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever" you will entertain me.

it's also still hilarious to me to mime curving bullets around walls and shit

why didn't they just kill everyone the way that first dude was killed? save a lot of time and money imo

i'm kinda feeling that way about a lot of action movies now, where as i watch them i can shrug and think, "okay i guess", but none of them are gonna hold up. i kinda got into it on the die hard 4 thread so i won't too much here, but most movies of this sort that i see make me want to rent a shitload of '80s action movies and never see another one like this.

OG Die Hard 4eva imo

Die Hard=Exile on Main Street of action movies

die hard 4 was way, way, way, way better than this

oh snap I still haven't seen Die Hard 4

the CCR part of live free or die hard was dope