Blind to your good qualities

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So, being blind to your faults is generally seen as not a great thing. It's associated with arrogance, selfishness etc. But, I'm beginning to think, that it's worse being aware of your faults and not knowing what's good about yourself.

How does a person strike the balance? Do you think this is lack of positive awareness is a problem in society?

― jel --, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought this was a good question, new answers.

― jel --, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

it is a good point jel - british reserve often means people put themselves down and only see the bad - they seem to mask the good which is why so many americans fleece them in positive trhinking courses and when things like the branch davidians occur there are usually a couple of brits in there

i make myself laugh - this is a good thing i think

― born clippy, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am seldom sarcastic. My motto is "if you've got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all".

― Ronan, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe it's arrogant (ha!) to say I know all my faults. But yeah, I'm a bit flaky when it comes to knowing my good points. When people say something nice about me it's always a bit hard to relate to. I think I have a complete absence of malice but apart from that it's all a bit vague. It's not that I suffer from low self-esteem, it's just hard to label postive attributes. Maybe that applies to judging other people too, though, and isn't just a question of self-awareness.

― N., Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't positive traits also feel different on the inside than they look from the outside? Metaphysical mystery of others' motives and subjectivity, and so on? Like last night I phoned my mum because she's been ill. I meant to phone during the day and have a long talk about the things that are exacerbating the illness (stress, work, and so on). But I was having a day of mammoth procrastination and completely forgot to. So I rushed in and talked to her for ten minutes while I was making soup, and hung up feeling shitty for forgetting earlier and cutting it so short, while my mum, for all I know, is thinking 'L is so thoughtful'. Well, maybe 'quite' thoughtful - important to be modest in public, isn't it? (ie the loop of presentation of self that traps us in fault-seeing, good-point-deprecating habits).

― Ellie, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I can reel off a tonne of bad points about me, but no good qualities whatsoever.

― Lek Dukagjin, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I was honestly surprised when I got that nicest poster thing last year -- I tend to think only of my outbursts and general annoyances. It's a hard thing to get perspective on.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It really depends on mood. But then I'd never feel happy listing what I thought they were to anyone (and def. not here) because I would worry about sounding like a wanker.

― Anna, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Problems in society are invariably problems with how I view society, and those problems are always rooted in self-obsession. I can do something about that by getting up and helping somebody out. Society's problems die of neglect and mine do too. Usually.

― dan, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The phrases I remember hearing from my mother thousands of times through my childhood were X "is worth ten of you" (X could be pretty much anyone), "No one will ever want you" and "You have always been a huge disappointment to me, and you always will be." The one thing where I was incontrovertibly a success was academically and intellectually (top of the class, IQ pushing 200) - but cleverness was regarded at home with suspicion and contempt. It means I have trouble with this whole issue, and anything from others or myself that points at any of my bad points looms large, whereas my good points are almost invisible to me.

This is not a plea for sympathy: I am 43 now, and I have mostly readjusted to some sort of reasonably sane perspective through my adult life.

― Martin Skidmore, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My girlfriend really is blind to her good points and it puts an enormous strain on our relationship. I'd say it was worse than the other way around because you can solve that with a good kicking, whereas this just causes regular serious heartache.

― Nick Southall, Friday, 26 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes its a mega problem. Its a scourge

― jeskam, Monday, 29 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Martin you are a lotus flower
Its taken me a good few decades to realise the best thing my povvie parents gave me, they fought and werent educated and had junkie friends when we were growing up but they let us be ourselves and loved us- and scored pot for me on my birthday.
My parents absolutely inngrained in me my self worth, that I was wanted and their love was unconditional. Its seems an obvious but seemingly rare parenting tact, but I think there are ways to get it in your later years and work it into co-creative relationships. We all got our puzzle to put together but I think a positive view of yrself is just common sense good mental health that a lot of peoples are missing.

― emailmeforacopyofmynewbook/tape/rant, Monday, 29 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I WANNA BE A LOTUS FLOWER. And adored.

― Dan Perry, Monday, 29 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

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