Self Indulgent Bull Shit

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PREE-ZENTING a far-flung, self-indulgent, free-for-fun-for-all!

WE HAVE a large auditorium to fill--please add to my list of specifics:

*Three theremins under a dying tree--sounds of leaves falling into space

*One forty-strong choir made up of death metal band lead singers

*Brass section with neglected spit valves

*One piano with ivory keys slathered in Vaseline

*Bubble wrap for every audience member to crack

*One pipe organ culled from various engines (motorcycle, chainsaw, Ford Pinto, amplified electric toothbrush...)

*One Hercules army jet to be flown over auditorium at intervals

*One make-shift FUNCTIONING slaughterhouse to be put up behind immaculate lace curtain

*Six Didgeridoos!

*Fifty kilos of dried pine needles to fall from rafters onto gamelan and crash cymbals

*One John Cale with Heet ointment on his sack in an orgy with the Medieval Baebes (all wearing bells and snorting coke)

*One Rroland bopping about like a teenager

*Sampler keyboard programmed with recordings of various enraged dialects of the world (cut up to the point where nothing is coherant)

*four large panes of glass, about 2 foot by 4 foot each, to be shattered

*three cellos, two fitted with only heavy bass strings, one with tight, high strings

*one plexiglass cube filled with newly hatched chicks, fitted with mic

*four games of billiards to be played in strategic places in the audience

*one live microphone to be burned

*ten jugs of water to be sprinkled into tubs

*a dance ensemble of thirteen people with cerebral palsy

*one drunken,seemingly autocratic conductor (to be decided in this thread--I think Pierre Boulez would be funny)

Any ideas on arrangement? Have a great title or concept? etc etc... Sling yer hash this way!

― Ashley Andel, Monday, 21 October 2002 16:46 (twenty-three years ago)

This microhouse has gone too far.

― dleone (dleone), Monday, 21 October 2002 16:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Where's Rudolf Schwarzkogler when we need him?

― Jody Beth Rosen, Monday, 21 October 2002 17:00 (twenty-three years ago)

With us in spirit!

― Ashley Andel, Monday, 21 October 2002 17:07 (twenty-three years ago)

*a big ice cold pool for singers to shiver in.

*birds and frogs

*more than four large panes of glass

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 21 October 2002 17:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I agree--more glass is good.

― Ashley Andel, Monday, 21 October 2002 17:24 (twenty-three years ago)

ATTENTION EVERYONE: PPL WHO UTTER THE WORDS 'SELF INDULGENT' WILL BE DIAGNOSED AS BRAIN DEAD AND ARE TO BE EXTERMINATED PRONTO OK.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 21 October 2002 18:25 (twenty-three years ago)

PLUS: BULLSHIT IS ONE WORD

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 21 October 2002 18:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Dammit, you plagiarised Fiona's dronerock rant before it was even published!

― kate, Monday, 21 October 2002 18:34 (twenty-three years ago)

* one tube radio and 27 microwaves, each tuned to produce a different interference pattern *

― Jonathan Williams (ex machina), Monday, 21 October 2002 18:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Experimental MicroHorse!

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 21 October 2002 18:48 (twenty-three years ago)

*microscopic microphones on the end of long tubes to insert into various body cavities of various animals.

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 21 October 2002 19:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Julio, you make me feel good about myself--my old directing teacher called my stuff "Self Indulgent Bull Shit". He wasn't very nice.

And James, thank you for pointing out something practically pointless. I was hoping you would add something a little more fun.

― Ashley Andel, Monday, 21 October 2002 23:20 (twenty-three years ago)

And please let me in on what this microhorse/house business is.

― Ashley Andel, Monday, 21 October 2002 23:27 (twenty-three years ago)

they're called ponies

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 21 October 2002 23:36 (twenty-three years ago)

I vote Mark E Smith for conductor!

The event should be called Ilxorchestral Manoeuvres In The...Dork.

Yesss...

― Charlie (Charlie), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 04:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Ashley please don't get mad, this is a genius thread, but I think Julio's point is fair enough: isn't all music self-indulgent? Besides Gregorian Chant I mean.

There's so much to say about experimental horse music, the single most revolutionary expressive mode since the invention of vowels, but start here: http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=009DYr

― J0hn Darn13ll3, Tuesday, 22 October 2002 13:31 (twenty-three years ago)

You should get to know Hermann Nitsch.

― Roger Fascist (Roger Fascist), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 14:09 (twenty-three years ago)

Know him? Heavens, around my house it wouldn't be a proper game of whist without 'im!

― J0hn Darn13ll3, Tuesday, 22 October 2002 14:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Wow - whist with Nitsch. Tell me, when hearts are trumps does it get messy?

― Roger Fascist (Roger Fascist), Tuesday, 22 October 2002 14:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, I don't mean to talk out of school here, but let me tell you, when Hermann Nitsch plays experimental horse, he really plays experimental horse, if you catch my drift.

― J0hn Darn13ll3, Tuesday, 22 October 2002 14:46 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

This one isn't done yet. It needs...

* A blimp, towed on a tether by a midget chain gang, who are driven by an angry whip-cracking viking. The blimp alternately beams a laser light show and sprays the audience with fish guts, while seagulls are let loose in the auditorium.

― sucka (sucka), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

* 30 people in white robes singing songs about how totally cool sunshine is.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

*Token black man*

― Neilmatic, Wednesday, 31 December 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Three theremins under a dying tree--sounds of leaves falling into space

This sounds like the fucking best thing ever. Where can I buy a theremin?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

*Horesehoes wrapped in sandpaper in a bin of marbles, covered by a draped gold fabric, stored in a dark closet 51.7 miles to the East. (Must be arranged 19 days prior to the performance.)

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

One pipe organ culled from various engines (motorcycle, chainsaw, Ford Pinto, amplified electric toothbrush...)

Actualloy some might have beat you to it on that one!!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 21:40 (twenty-two years ago)

By "Actualloy" I of course mean "actually"- within the context of metallic objects such as cars, large hot pipe organs, etc. !!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 31 December 2003 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

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