I'm sorry, but that Justin Timberlake track is garbage

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I've tried very hard to look at the positives of Justin Timberlake's solo effort "Like I Love You", mostly because I like The Neptunes, but his singing on it is horrendous and completely ruins the song. That ill-placed, screechy, punch-me-in-the-nuts-shrieky falsetto is the WORST THING EVER. Even worse is the exercise in cockfarmery wankdom that is the video; "Oooh, look at ME! I'm a DANCER! See, I've got my own thing going on, I'm not trying to recreate my ex-girlfriend's style... HONEST!" His herky-jerky tries-to-be-pop-and-lock-but-ends-up-being-shitty-mcshit dance moves are THE END OF THE WORLD. And GOOD GOD I just want to punch Pharrell in the face at the end of the song; STOP TOUCHING YOUR CHIN, JACKASS. Honestly, this song is driving me insane. I really, really really dislike it; in fact, there's nothing redeemable I can find about it. The snares are far too reverbed, the synth line at the end is just stupid, the chorus is weak, the verses are weak, and OH MY GOD SOMEONE STOP JUSTIN FROM SINGING.

Having said all that, it's better than the Nick Carter song, which I think is actually the Apocalypse in a funny moustache.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:23 (twenty-three years ago)

haha you're alex in NYC!!

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:25 (twenty-three years ago)

When I saw the thread title I thought of dear old Alex sitting spluttering his nightly Bud, yes.

It's a bit creepy, isn't it? "Don't worry, it's only Justin" - ew get away from me you permy beast! I'm kind of amazed, given that Thriller remains the biggest-selling thing ever ever, that nobody apart from Rockwell and Green Gartside has tried to rip Jacko this blatantly until now. So points for finding a niche but the song is a shrug.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:29 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah, i was underwhelmed.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:33 (twenty-three years ago)

i agree that the excessive use of falsetto is a big turn-off....but i like the bit where Pharrell (presumably) shouts 'HEY!'

i was going to do a Taking Sides: 'Like I Love You' vs Jordan Knight 'Give It To You' but questioned the point

as for ripping off Jacko's style...have you heard Kelis' 'Roller Rink'? - it really sounds like Jacko is singing the verses on that one

― blueski, Monday, 28 October 2002 19:35 (twenty-three years ago)

It's as much the dancing and the hat though!

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:36 (twenty-three years ago)

The Clipse's bit is good but too late in the song to make a difference.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:37 (twenty-three years ago)

The sad thing is that he's trying SO HARD to be Michael Jackson but he looks SO MUCH like Britney Spears. And I cannot stress how GODAWFUL his singing is; if he's going to show off his falsetto, couldn't he, like, hit a note or something rather than squawking like a newly-neutered rooster?

The big difference between Justin Timberlake and Jordan Knight is that Jordan can still sing.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan, you novice!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Ya'll suck...go listen to arto lindsay...

"like i love you" is the fuckin best track of the year losaz

― geeg, Monday, 28 October 2002 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Geeg: You are on on crack and so is yo mama. No disrespect intended.

My wife mentioned off-hand how much better the song would have been if Usher had sang it and I can only agree, seeing as Usher actually supports his sound and would better fill the empty space in the backing track.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:47 (twenty-three years ago)

dan- i reach these sorts of conclusions without even hearing the track.

isn't that grebt!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

the dancing is really great, i think. who dances better? name one person who can dance better! it's not britney. she can't dance at all. he might - might! - be copying some of her moves but he pulls them off like crazy.

all of the falsetto bits are good. and the creaky bits where his voice is all cracking and stuff. it's sexy, you see.

the clipse guy's verse in the middle, too. it's so great.

it might be kind of weak, for the reasons you said, i guess. but that's what makes it so great. and it's justin timberlake and this is his first try at this kind of thing. you don't understand him. wait for the album! and the rest of the singles. they will tell the whole story. the j timberlake story.

timbaland! that one producer guy who everyone likes. he did a thing for the album! you know?

please give justin a chance to prove himself.

― d k (d k), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

There are undigested bits of food in Arto Lindsay's stool that are a thousand times more talented than the rancid bag of spooge that is Justin Timberlake.

Usher's a twerp as well.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:50 (twenty-three years ago)

I really want to like it more after d k's post!

(If you were being sarcastic d k I hate you.)

(But I probably won't like it more.)

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan's description totally makes me want to hear the song!! (i haven't yet - i live in a cave)

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:53 (twenty-three years ago)

''the dancing is really great, i think. who dances better?''

in the days when i used to watch pop on TV jacko was good dancer.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Why does the dancing matter?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Dan, there is an instrumental.

I actually like the singing. it's very controlled and tight.

also, dk is my fave poster

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Cause it's part of the package if you're watching the video or a TV performance Alex. It makes as little sense to take the music on its own in those circs as it would if you were watching a ballet.

It doesn't matter if you're listening to the radio or buying the CD. Come on this is basic stuff!

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 19:57 (twenty-three years ago)

You know who's Jacko rip I actually like better: Jimmy Fallon.

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 28 October 2002 20:05 (twenty-three years ago)

i dunno if that ballet comparison makes sense because of course the track exists independent of the performance/video...you hear the track before you see the video and you can judge it on its own merits after all

and you cant diss Justin for dancing like Britney - they've been together most of their lives and have the same goals and presumably the same ideas as a result - its hardly bad dancing in any case

― blueski, Monday, 28 October 2002 20:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Tight singing is massively unhealthy and a total dud.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 October 2002 20:08 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah alex. you watch videos don't ya? MTV and all that.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 28 October 2002 20:11 (twenty-three years ago)

i. I have never seen The Nutcracker but I know loads of the tunes from it I'm sure.

ii. I think a substantial proportion of the pop audience nowadays don't always or even often "hear the track first".

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 20:12 (twenty-three years ago)

I do, actually.....though I'm not quite sure why anymore.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 28 October 2002 20:14 (twenty-three years ago)

I think a substantial proportion of the pop audience nowadays don't always or even often "hear the track first"

I think all modern music should first be encountered through the video with the volume on mute.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 October 2002 20:54 (twenty-three years ago)

well yeh i SAW and HEARD the Timberlake track at the same time but the music is not a vehicle for his dancing is it?

oh wait..it is!

― blueski, Monday, 28 October 2002 21:04 (twenty-three years ago)

d k is painfully OTM and so is Tom re:dancing; no-one's said 'DRUMS!!!' yet because the novelty has worn off, but someone is about to mention the 'everybody dance' bit where the track fades out into non-danceable silence genius. The falsetto bits are achingly beautiful, angular, and seminal. The 'it's a Wacko perv' crit surely can't apply; it's too obv. to be a perv, it must be something else; I'm not quite sure what it is though.

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Bring back Corey Feldman!

― Kris (aqueduct), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:28 (twenty-three years ago)

"The falsetto bits are achingly beautiful, angular, and seminal."

....if you're on Crack.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:29 (twenty-three years ago)

haha, the falsetto bits remind me lots of Gang of Four's 'Entertainment'.

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:30 (twenty-three years ago)

dp is otm on the snare sound. ruins the whole song for me. whats the deal with the real reverb-ed out snares in alot of the production these days? in other news i saw Jackass the movie on friday and sitting in front of me was J TImberlake with his date A Milano!!! (ilx name dropper thread stuff)

― chaki (chaki), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:32 (twenty-three years ago)

haha, the falsetto bits remind me lots of Gang of Four's 'Entertainment'.

The falsetto bits remind me of the part in "The Serpent And The Rainbow" when the main character gets a nail driven through his scrotum.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:36 (twenty-three years ago)

(BTW, from henceforth I shall only refer to Justin Timberlake as "The Permy Beast".)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:38 (twenty-three years ago)

a nail driven through his scrotum

Yes, yes, this is what I'm getting at.

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:39 (twenty-three years ago)

(Also: I was just trying to stick some unexploded ordinance in Alex's craw.)

― david h (david h), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:39 (twenty-three years ago)

''haha, the falsetto bits remind me lots of Gang of Four's 'Entertainment'.''

careful david, you're provoking alex NYC.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:41 (twenty-three years ago)

that The Samiad aka Usher would sing and dance this really well and it would like make him a legend and pay off his career of MJ ripoffs etc etc makes it all the sweeter that JT is singing it. what's ya wish NOW sand boy! you fail to understand that perfect technique does not good pop make. all hail!

i will always take noreaga over krs one

― bob zemko (bob), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:43 (twenty-three years ago)

you fail to understand that perfect technique does not good pop make.

You fail to understand that a good production team cannot turn a piece of shit into good pop.

i will always take noreaga over krs one

There is no parallel here; KRS-One is (or has been in the past) a self-important idiot who thought he was much deeper and intelligent than he actually was, while N.O.R.E just wants us all to party. Give me a Noreaga track ANY DAY.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:48 (twenty-three years ago)

"the bo-dy's/good business/sell-outs maintain the interest"

― bob zemko (bob), Monday, 28 October 2002 22:50 (twenty-three years ago)

I hear this on thee radio quite a lot. I think it has been a-listed perhaps. I like the pushy-sounding beatz, & I try to concentrate on them whilst the rekkid is on, because I think the rest of it is utter rubbish. The singing, as noted above (somewhere) is really, really horrible. The lyrix seem a bit creepy to me as well. Plus, there's this bit where he seems to sing "here baby, hold my jacket". Does he really sing that? Is it some kind ov euphemism? It sounds realld stupid. I think this rekkid is DUD.

― N0RM4N PH4Y, Monday, 28 October 2002 22:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually the jacket bit is the best bit. I assume it needs to be held cos he's about to do some absurdly complex darnce move.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 28 October 2002 23:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, yes, "DRUMZ!", but also the little electro melody just before it, and "HEY!", and the loaded "Hoah!" and the Clipse verse, and the tense opening strum, and the way the high falsetto suddenly bursts out for no reason at all... this song is pure dynamic. Quality or otherwise sorta becomes a moot point.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Monday, 28 October 2002 23:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Dancing shmancing!

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 28 October 2002 23:49 (twenty-three years ago)

The song might be shithouse (although I like it enough to have gamely attempted to segue it into Calexico's "Crystal Frontier" last Friday), but this article's pretty funny and OTM, all at the same time!

http://www.popjustice.com/oct27/timberlake.htm

And if our stars can't inspire ruthless pisstaking, what're they good for eh? I ask you.

― Charlie (Charlie), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 00:07 (twenty-three years ago)

You know, you think about it
Sometimes people just destined
Destined to do what they do
And that's what it is
Now everybody dance

In other words, Tim is OTM.

― Nicole (Nicole), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 03:29 (twenty-three years ago)

this song was written by pharrell to britney

justin's precise dance moves = mostly voguing

― boxcubed (boxcubed), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 03:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Tim, Nicole: YOU ARE MAD. But I still love y'all with your crazy selves.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 03:55 (twenty-three years ago)

All of you are my Gore Vidal fantasy.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 29 October 2002 04:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Skipping 103 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Yeah, I should look up every Cure thread right now to restate with no elaboration how much they annoy me.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 02:15 (twenty-two years ago)

But it's a Justin hate thread!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 02:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Nicole, am I allowed to pour hatorade on The Cure in your Cure hate thread even if I don't actually hate them?

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 05:06 (twenty-two years ago)

*scratches chin* Heck, maybe even I could join in. Damn pasty English bastards making me spend my money!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not fun if you're not pained by it Ned.

Maybe a Chameleons hate thread.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 05:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Justin told reporters, "It is just crazy over here in Britain, I f-- hate coming over here."

Am I the only one who's really cut up about that? *cries into tea and crumpets*

― Stupid (Stupid), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 05:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe a Chameleons hate thread.

Badly dressed pretentious gits. To hell with 'em!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 05:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I now have a mental image of someone setting out tea and crumpets solely to have something to cry into.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

(And back on topic, "I'm Lovin' It" is a horrific return to YEEEEEEEEEECH after releasing two singles that I actually liked. So yeah, that NEW JT song suck gigantic donkey balls.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.dragonninja.com/bbc/Lostprophets_-_Cry_Me_A_River_(Justin_Timberlake_Cover).mp3

― Jaunty Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

bah try this

― Jaunty Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow. I guess this confirms that the problem I have with "Cry Me A River" actually has nothing to do with JT and everything to do with the song.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Whoa.

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, the idea JT could hate the UK is so funny considering his addiction to Bond Street. Even my dad recognised him flouncing around Gucci last month.

― Barima (Barima), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, I could be reacting to the fact that dude sounds HORRIBLE singing it.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 22:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha ha, Dan sounds just like Randy Jackson in that last post!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 22:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Yo dawg, that wasn't good, yo. But hey, you did your thing.

― Randy Jackson (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 January 2004 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

*thinks to self 'Randy Jackson?', googles*

Hm. So what's he like, then?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 15 January 2004 00:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Everytime I see someone refer to Timberlake as "JT" here, I think of the lead singer of Kool & the Gang.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 15 January 2004 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

So what's he like, then?

He refers to people "dude" and "dawg" a lot. "dude sounds HORRIBLE singing it" sounds very Randy Jackson, except Dan probably should have thrown in a reference to his work with Whitney and Mariah.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 15 January 2004 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Yo dawg, when I recorded "Dream Lover" with Mariah, she was just KILLIN' it, dude. She did her thing! Now, I didn't love the song, but you did your thing, so it's all good. Next time pick a different song, dawg.

― Randy Jackson (Dan Perry), Thursday, 15 January 2004 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

justin temberlake is so fine so i don't argree with yall!

― cheyenne wright, Saturday, 21 February 2004 00:49 (twenty-two years ago)

fuck bees

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 21 February 2004 00:59 (twenty-two years ago)

You'll get stung if you do that

― Aja (aja), Saturday, 21 February 2004 01:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Cheyenne, clearly you didn't read all the JT supporting comments!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Saturday, 21 February 2004 01:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Timberlake is rubbish and ugly.

― the blissfox, Saturday, 21 February 2004 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

JT is getting boring, after this past year.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 21 February 2004 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

three weeks pass...

fuck justin timberlake. he is a fag. pop sucks. hip hop sucks. rap sucks. bullshit corporate rock sucks. Hardcore, thrash, punk(no I don't mean good fucking charlette)and heavy metal is the only cool music these days. fuck mtv too.

― david jenson, Wednesday, 17 March 2004 01:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, thanks.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 01:55 (twenty-two years ago)

But Ned he's on your side! Sorta.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 02:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Sasha from Monash uses so many pseudonyms, doesn't he?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 02:15 (twenty-two years ago)

But Ned he's on your side! Sorta.

I have my grave doubts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 02:22 (twenty-two years ago)

the only thing wrong with Sir Perry's initial critique is 'the drums are far too reverbed', because such a thing is impossible.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 02:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I love Dan's "apocalypse with a funny moustache" line, except if it was actually that then I'd probably enjoy it, like I do "Like I Love You," which is clunky in the most endearing way, personally.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 02:38 (twenty-two years ago)

though I am happy that Usher's new singles are pistol-whipping the shit out JT's stuff.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 02:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Its "URsher."

― djdee2005, Wednesday, 17 March 2004 07:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Nah, "Burn" is paint-by-numbers R&B balladry, guaranteed only to get panties droppin'. I'm warming up to "Yeah!," but it's no "Senorita" - and that's a shame.

― Thomas Inskeep (submeat), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

But who cares about Usher on "Yeah"? It's all about Lil' Jon. It just goes to show how undynamic Usher is.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

It's all about Lil' Jon.

This statement is the Apocalypse in a silver thong.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

fuck justin timberlake.
A threesome with him and Cameron? *ponders* No, thanks.

― jesus nathalie (nathalie), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

The Perry strikes!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 16:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Regarding Lil' Jon: Exactly how loathesome and irritating do you have to be to make Jermaine Dupri seem palatable?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

WHHHAT?

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I sense the storm clouds gathering. (I'll have to differ with Dan in that I liked "Get Low" when I heard it, but have heard nothing else from him to my knowledge.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

OKAAAAYYY

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/images/us/local/products/productsall/p92406b.jpg

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I like "Get Low" too, but I really really really am irritated by Lil' John. He is nu-Ja Rule only without the preliminary non-irritating period.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

The diff is Lil Jon is self-aware, makes good music, and makes me laugh.

Ja Rule is an idiot who doesn't know he's an idiot, makes shit music, and sucks.

― djdee2005, Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"Always On Time" >>> "Get Low" (admittedly not by much)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

(Spot the rhetorical contradiction!)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

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