If musicians were Premier League footballers

Carlos Alberto + Ted Sheringham = Scott Walker

however, speakin' of great *teams* of yore:
the Holland of 1974-78 = Sun RA Arkestra of same period

fantastic!

Liam Gallagher is surely Stan Collymore or Paul Gascoigne, for services to blond women.

Colin Bell is of course Nick Drake.

Garrincha and John Coltrane.

Err... Pele and Gilberto Gil (...both appointed Brazilian government ministers - see my thread of two days ago!)

ITV's coverage of the premiership = ITV's coverage of music

"Diamond Lights". Two words to strike fear into the heart of anyone with ears.

And when the gruesome twosome appeared on Top of the Pops, while Chris Waddle at least had the good grace to look mildly perturbed (and as if his ankle was in a plaster cast), Hoddle was in full Judy Garland "I was born to do this" mode, despite looking like Tony Hadley's binman.

Waddle's mackemism excuses him on the grounds of diminished responsibility, but Hoddle stands accused of crimes against music. Guilty is the only possible verdict.

've been wondering for a while 'bout these:
Massive Attack = ?
Primal Scream = ?
Saint Etienne = ???

also... what the heck would be the "band equivalent" of
Manchester City ?!?

Anelka = Tricky

and now, sleepily contemplating matters of style rather than the minutae of chart placings, and (huh) quietly praying that i'll never ran into fans and supporters of either of them, anywhere ever,
whispers i:

Bolton = Bon Jovi

Ms Dynamite or Wayne Rooney?

o'rrrght,
and Primal Scream's surely more Rangers than Celtic,
non?

Both have had a lot of money pumped into them for no real result.

Spurs = Oasis

Both think they're big time even though they haven't really done anything good for years.

BTW, if Man Utd is Robbie Williams, does that mean that Man City is Gary Barlow?

All around nice guy, getting on in years, um........scores big cheesey housey curling free kicks.

Hundred Reasons = Steven Gerrard

Man United = arrogant in a good way, unlike Robbie.

Also John O'Shea has more talent in his little toe than Robbie Williams has in his entire body.

In fact, Man United = Bob Dylan.

Truly great in the 60's, still inspired in the 70's though not as successful. Mostly shit in the 80's (Empire Burlesque = Garry Birtles/Ralph Milne/take your pick) but a massive return to form in the 90's.

Inpenetrable to many, loathed and misunderstood (Manchester Free Trade Hall - "Judas"). Loved by the faithful.

Legendary.

except Moby's a bit meh whereas There Is Only One Chris Marsden And He Is Amazing. Plus which his quotes tend to be a bit more entertaining (I cheered when he said "We never seem to get much credit when we play these so-called better sides...")

Everton = The Boo Radleys

Everton = Boo Radleys
COZ!
Liverpool = Echo & The Bunnymen

If only 'Mariah' hadn't been injured for Blackburn....

Death In Vegas' Scorpio Rising (single) = West Bromwich Albion

sorry, that was just lazy.

Christ, I hope M****n C**r doesn't Google this - he's a flaming Red. (Brave Captain = Marine drawing 5-5 at home the other week).

Fingers crossed Wayne Rooney doesn't turn out to be Roddy Frame.

A bit stoned, and have been rather enjoying playing this game with myself for the last half hour, so reviving this. It's quite fun. This is the one I've made stick best so far -

Michael Owen as Oasis (career-wise, as opposed to temperament or personality)

Both start their careers in a blaze of glory, hailed as the Great White Hope in their respective fields. Gradual progress being made towards fulfilling their obvious talent (or rather ULTIMATE DESTINIES) for a year or two, during which each produces a generation-defining act of genius which will necessarily and self-evidently overshadow everything else they ever achieve (Wonderwall / the Argentina goal). Each swiftly arrives at the zenith, gaining fleeting recognition as the absolute, undeniable best in the world (Knebworth / Ballon D'or) only to slide equally swiftly towards the self-indulgent and self-conscious superstardom and coke'n'Cristal glamour of Be Here Now / Real Madrid's "Galacticos" project.

Neither move works out. Cue years of diminishing returns, with frequent breaks for band splitting-up / injuries. Some small latter day return to former prominence(Don't Believe The Truth / Newcastle United). Everyone knows it's not the same, but hey, at least he's getting games/releasing new music, right?

Eventual decline into almost total irrelevance, punctuated with occasional bouts of ill-advisedly chest-thumping public statements along the lines of "We're still the best fookin' band in the world" or "I am still a great player / can still play for England / can still score goals at the top-level". Everyone decides that these outbursts are in pretty poor taste (as well as being patently untrue) and poor former idols find themselves becoming increasingly marginalised and derided throughout their twilight years as their old achievements are forgotten. When they are referred to at all, it's usually as the obvious punchline to a bad joke.

A year or two after the fact, it becomes steadily more obvious that the problem was threefold -
1) a fundamental flaw hard-wired into the DNA of our heroes - namely a weak body / collectively weak mind.
2) the natural consequence of 1) - progressive leakage of the divine essence that made them so essential in the first place - the blistering pace / lad-about-town everyman appeal.
AND
3) failure to adapt to the evolving landscape around them - gradual realisation that people are less interested in boisterous shout-along boozey guitar music / footballers with no claim to any great skill or ability beyond "being good in the box" than they were 10 years ago.

Narrative doesn't quite hang together in parts, but I don't think it's a million miles off

DISCLAIMER - none of the opinions expressed re: Oasis in this post are my own. But Q magazine's version of their career-arc was useful in this context.

also, soz for the slash/dash-(brackets) approach to the punctuation. but it was hard enough work getting all that down, cba trying to format

owen scored last week. what did noel gallagher do? he shat in a box, that's what.

great post btw

I like seeing "10 years later..." there

Pleasing sense of changing generations populating this place. I was 11 years old when this thread was live ffs

you're 21

what have I done with my life

Trying to get Paul Gascoigne / Pete Doherty to work. You've got the whole "good friends with murderers" thing, but aside from that I'm having a hard time parleying my 13 year old self's obsessive devotion to The Libertines into a convincing parallel w/ the brilliance of early-mid period Gazza. Goal against Scotland alone was better than everything PD has ever been involved in all rolled into one. Also not sure that Gazza's ever yet descended to the low of having Kate Moss to decide that you're too much of a junky waste of space to be worth her time.

I guess I'm not 26 until next week, we can be young together

you're definitely posting better shit than I was at that age though. much, much better.

gascoigne is maybe crispian mills? he'll need to reify ineptly in a different medium for that to happen (does gunman negotiator count?)

Haha, well thanks. Tbh most of my contributions so far have been of the "one-line passing observation" variety, but whenever I get intoxicated alone at home I tend to end up on here in the witching hours and that's when I let myself go a bit.

Don't really know much about Crispian Mills unfortunately. Think at some point I saw "Britpop/neo-psychedelia" on the Kula Shaker's wikipedia page and hid behind the sofa. Was he a genius with an awe-inspiring gift for self-sabotage?

ah shit i keep forgetting gazza was a genius

other bit's pretty bang-on though. maybe gazza/winehouse would be the sad but obvious comparison and it's probably time i got it out of the way

Nice post wd, but imma have to dock you marks for not working in a brochure/nme angle tbph