If you had to start a fight with one of the following who would it be and how would you start it?

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Let's say that, theoretically, someone was holding your house hostage and threatening to blow up your entire neighbourhood with a sonic marshmallow machine UNLESS you started a spontanious and violent fight with one of the following which one would it be (c.f. you must give the scenario - i.e. Marc Morris "Did you spill my pint you big smelly rat's tampon" followed by a swift punch to the ghoulies). You must also state how well you'd fare.

The choices are (in A-Z order):

*Richard Ashcroft
*Tim Burgess from The Charlatans
*Johnny Dean from Menswe@r
*Bob Geldoff
*Bobby Gillespie from Primal Scream
*A big Gorilla
*Fran Healy from Travis
*Marc Morris from The Bluetones
*Lionel Ritchie
*Rick Witter from Shed Seven

― Calum Robert, Sunday, 9 March 2003 15:36 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd just go up to Rick Witter. Say "Shed Seven" and start giggling uncontrollably. As you do.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 9 March 2003 15:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd wait 'til Richard Ashcroft was walking along the street, just minding his own business, and I'd deliberately walk straight at him and barge him out of my way.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Sunday, 9 March 2003 16:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Hahahahaha

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 9 March 2003 16:17 (twenty-three years ago)

More please. I'm sure someone is gonna choose the big gorilla eventually.

Me personally I'd quite like to throw a child's bicycle at Fran Healy's bike because 'you looked at me the wrong way you moaning stubbly faced, son of Lenny Henry's lovechild bitchwhore'.

― Calum Robert, Sunday, 9 March 2003 18:26 (twenty-three years ago)

you forgot Jonsi.

― Tad (llamasfur), Sunday, 9 March 2003 18:31 (twenty-three years ago)

good work tadbot

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 9 March 2003 18:36 (twenty-three years ago)

*Fran Healy from Travis

Considering Fran Healy is the closest you could possibly come to Chris Martin out of these ones, I suppose Healy - like Martin - could never possibly hurt any living creature, so I guess I will choose him. :-)

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Sunday, 9 March 2003 19:09 (twenty-three years ago)

i have no problem with anyone on that list - i guess i'd give the gorilla a shove then quickly retract and say 'sorry mate, thought you were Liam'

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 9 March 2003 19:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Richard Ashcroft. But really, I'd only spill my pint on his wife as a pretext for POUNDING THE STUFFING OUT OF THE EVIL KATE RADLEY!!!!

― kate (suzy), Sunday, 9 March 2003 19:30 (twenty-three years ago)

seriously guys this is really compelling stuff

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 9 March 2003 19:34 (twenty-three years ago)

Wow, am I the only person who thinks this is a fascist conversation ?

― kevin brady (groeuvre), Sunday, 9 March 2003 20:19 (twenty-three years ago)

Surely someone would go up to Johnny Dean and piss on his carboard box for a laugh?

"Hoi, that's my house that is"

"Yes, but you're Johnny Dean from Menswe@r and I don't like homeless people anyway"

"Want a fight?"

"Yeah go on then you mid 90s holdover. Take a shot you gutless, floppy haired shagger of dead sheep carcasses"

What follows is lots of hairpulling and swearing.

― Calum Robert, Sunday, 9 March 2003 20:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Okay, this ones much cooler than the "gun to the scrotum thread."
But can we pit these looosers against each other. I'd love to see an enraged gorilla beat Richard Ashcroft like an egg.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Sunday, 9 March 2003 20:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I already know a Richard Ashcroft stabber in real life so it'd probably have to be Fran, screaming "Why does it always rain FISTS on you, Healy?"

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 9 March 2003 22:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I would wait until the big gorilla was on top of the building with the girl in his hand and start strafing him in my assault helicopter.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 9 March 2003 22:59 (twenty-three years ago)

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