1) He could fire ping pong balls out of his bum and into the audience on stage
2) He could change the third word of every song to 'wank' for maximum hilarity (i.e. "Like a wank in a wank waiting to wank this time wank coming down")
3) He could pee in his own mouth at the next Brits Awards and then karate kick himself in the face
4) He could copulate with a dustbin outside the Met Bar for photographers
5) Enter a dougnut eating competition and win
6) He could wrestle a grizzly bear on Pay Per View
7) The release of a Shakin Stevens cover album
8) Film a porno threeway featuring Rachael from S Club 7 and Donnie Osmond, sneakily 'stolen' from his house and released on the Internet. The scene ends with Dale Winton making an unexpected appearance and doing possibly illegal things with a rubber band, a snooker ball and a tin of strawberry jam.
9) He could fist himself in the ear
Can't think of a number ten, so figured that's where you guys come in...
― Calum Robert, Tuesday, 11 March 2003 18:50 (twenty-three years ago)
i recommend a cover of chris rea's tennis. the line "There are women and children in boats on the sea / crying and dying like Jews / do you like tennis?" would sound heart-wrenching coming from his shapely ashcroftian mouth...
as russ t so rightly said "Ashcroft can still craft ANd interpret a classic song"
― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 18:59 (twenty-three years ago)
he could form a UK equivalent to The Travelling Wilburys with Paul Weller, David Gray and Badly Drawn Boy and they could destroy us all with a song about how everyone hates them cos they're no fun
― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 19:01 (twenty-three years ago)
Surely the Wilburys Mk2 (thanks to Stevem above) would vastly improve by recruiting Liam Gallagher as breakdancer out front, Chris Martin on bongos and Kelly Jones on maracas?
― panico (panico), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 23:06 (twenty-three years ago)
Kidnapping his wife and child and getting him completely out of his face might do it.
― Ferg (Ferg), Tuesday, 11 March 2003 23:27 (twenty-three years ago)