Most pathetic attempt to go HIP-HOP/R&B/SOUL

It's gotta be "Eternal Flame" by Atomic Kitten, hasn't it? The Stiltonesque cheesiness of that "say-my-name" insert. The Roquefortesque cheesiness of the so-dinky-haemoglobin-must-be-in- minus-figures "hip hop" beat which even Derek B circa 1987 would have laughed out as being too weedy. OK, as a song it stank to begin with, but y'know, respect even to the unrespectable, and all that? Close second, Jerkins' intro to the Spice Girls' "Holler," so token that you should be able to take it to the Co-op and get 50p off selected purchases, so "OK, I've done some hack crap in my time, but go on I'll do my best." Another "say-my-name" playground chant, incidentally. Destiny's Child, what did you unwittingly instigate?

Texas?

I'd say Robbie Williams, but he's too snarky to take seriously...

...so that leaves us with Damon Alburn pulling in Del to cypher on the Gorillaz album.

I've been meaning to write a defense of AK's Eternal Flame for quite some time, and I'm not about to change that.

Dunno if this question's synonymous w/"worst guest rapper on rock song," but if it is, KRS-One on R.E.M.'s "Radio Song." And if it's not, then R.E.M. again for the "funk" (cough, cough) of "Can't Get There From Here." Yeccch.

Oh shit... I gorgot about Sum-41: Fat Lip.

Oh shit... I forgot about Sum-41: Fat Lip.

i will not hear a bad word said about the spice girls, thank you very much!

Nothing is quite as shit as performers 'maturing' and going the 'old- soul' route. Glenn Frey, Steve Winwood, everybody else who ever on an advert in the 80s

Isn't R and B just a nice umbrella for shite pop music to hide under? Every week we hear some pop star like Britney or someone saying how their new album has "more of an edge to it" "more of an R and B thing". And then when they get older and become like Ronan Keating they find a new buzzword for a bit of credibility "we're looking to target the George Michael audience this time round", "its not for the kids so much anymore". Oh the elusive George Michael audience, those 30 somethings are a fickle bunch

(this wd be a bettah argt if britney were just "some shite popstar", and not the uberwatching god-genius of the whole board)

However bad Atomic Kitten's cover of Eternal Flame might be it is surely oversahdowed by the wrtchedness of their dance routines. Why do they so that thing that looks like they're trying to hold their belly buttons on with their hands? Is it supposed to be sexy or something?

I submit David Sylvian's last album as well as Joe Henry's last album... there's nothing worse than daft elderly gentleman passing as sophisticates by visiting the land of "soul." As if that somehow absolves them of their whiteboy status, which wasn't bad, had they just stayed there--kind of like wearing a toupee or maybe getting that goatee at 50, raising them from the status of vaguely irrelevant to outright embarrassing. Argh, watching them pissing all over soul music with this sort of post-Sade vanilla flava, it smacks of the worse kind of unwitting condescension. If their work is any reflection, they DEFINITELY do not hear soul.

On another note, ?uestlove and his Soulquarians or whatever seem to be a good pretty good job of gentrifying soul music for the next generation. Is it just me, or is his drumming stiltifyingly boring? And the new Maxwell album is so bland that the few good tracks hardly outweight Stuart Matthewman's incredibly arch production.

Is there any good soul left?

What's the dealio with that???

I actually like ?uestlove's drumming quite a bit, he's ROCK solid and tasteful (which in this case is not a euphemism for 'boring'). His sound(s) is the main thing, though I think it's a poor fit with non-hiphop/r&b like the Philadelphia Experiment. I like his playing best when he gets to rock out a little, like on Erykah Badu's album and the Roots' live album.

Don't forget Magma's "Merci". I'd have preferred Marvin Gaye going zeuhl.

Paul Weller's eighties adventures in house, soul and jazz.

If music were food, listening to contemporary R'n'B would be tantamount to eating dung.

Worst case examples of desperate RAP/HIP HOP appropriation include: Ministry roping in a crap rapper for one track on THE MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TO TASTE and even my beloved Killing Joke -- who, at the lowest point in their career (circa `89's OUTSIDE THE GATE) hired Jaz Coleman's cousin JC1001 to rap on an extended mix of "Stay One Jump Ahead" to suicidal effect. JC1001 also rapped on Curve's "Ten Little Girls," with equally embarassing results.

Yeah, but they distorted and buried his vocals enough on "Ten Little Girls" so you could concentrate on all that lurvly feedback. :-)

No no. Seriously. J-Lo wins doesn't she? My love don't cost a thing?? I'm REAL with Ja RULE???? Back away from the spin machine, Jennifer!! Get back in the limo with the 100 white doves that fly out every time the chauffeur opens the door for you.

(p.s. BLURILLAZ)

i wouldn't mind touching the collective atomic kitten belly buttons, but that's an entirely separate matter.

soul's obviously changed quite a bit over the years -- we don't expect contemporary rockers to sound like chuck berry, et al. i like the whole soulquarian/okplayer take on soul, though it only sounds like 'classic' soul in passing reference. still, maxwell, d'angelo, jill scott, erykah badu... hell, even anastasia, fiona (sn)apple, nikka costa and dave hollister have great pipes. and every once in a while an older type like thornetta davis or ted hawkins will show up to remind the kids how it's done.

tho none of 'em can really hold a candle to nina simone or aretha franklin or marvin gaye. but maybe soul now is just whatever lauryn hill is up to these days.

that said, the new his name is alive album finds warren defever hooking up with lovetta pippen for the most soulful r&b i've heard in ages, and yet it still sounds like he could be producing a future madonna or all saints project. (and yes, i know they're done for....)

and i thought that scritti politti album from last year (two years ago?) was just silly.

Well everyone sounds a bit lame next to D'Angelo these days.

My reply makes no sense, Bucky. Sorry.

i'm sorry, i'm still amazed by alex in nyc.