Bands Who Are Objectively Terrible But Subjectively Great

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The Seeds:

1. Dreadful two-fingered plinky-plonk keyboards playing the same riff in every song.

2. Irritating nails-down-a-blackboard guitar sound which manages, against all odds, to sound even cheesier and cheaper than the keyboard sound.

3. Inexcusably weedy and tuneless vocals, if Beefheart had a 5 octave vocal range, Sky Saxon had a five NOTE vocal range.

4. Every song sounds the same.

5. Laughably misguided attempts at "progression" involving playing the same two chord song with the same plinky-plonky keyobards/ irritating guitar/ weedy vocals - except for FIFTEEN MINUTES!

6. Shameless jumping on the psychedelic bandwagon leading to some of the most embarrassing excesses of an era not exactly renowned for its good taste and restraint.

7. LSD usage (on a scale not seen outside of US military reserch facilities) leading to impairment of the already impoverished lyrical and musical faculties of said Mr. Saxon.

8. Releasing possibly the worst white blues album in the long long lamentable history of terrible white blues albums.

...and yet, I fuggin' love 'em.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 January 2004 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

most of these also apply to The Strokes who i like

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 22 January 2004 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

But they know exactly what they're doing, the Seeds didn't have a clue what they were up to.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 22 January 2004 13:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Flipper

― Jazzbo (jmcgaw), Thursday, 22 January 2004 14:51 (twenty-two years ago)

The Vaselines

― rainman (rainman), Thursday, 22 January 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

The Shaggs

― Nom De Plume (Nom De Plume), Thursday, 22 January 2004 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Wedding Present
The Clean
The Rapture

― paulhw (paulhw), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

85% of my record collection.
I admit it, I have shitty taste. But what I like, I really like.

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

DNA, t'Fall

― Ferrrrrrg (Ferg), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Beherit, Hellhammer, Countess, Mütiilation, Krieg, Sarcofago, Bestial Warlust, Ildjarn, Vlad Tepes.

― Siegbran (eofor), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Jon Spencer Blues Explosion...

1. no BASS
2. 99% of the lyrics = "tha bloooz explozheeyin!"
3. fake as fuck southern accent ("that stuff's made in New York City" "NEW YORK CITY!?!")
4. Jon Spencer has no fucking idea how to actually play a theremin

Yet, inexplicably, they are the shit.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you seen where he explains his Theremin technique in that What's Up Matador video of '97?
He's like "I'm self-taught, but, ahh, I play it the wrong way."

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

and then he's also like "usually when I play the theremin, I feel good, because it's near the end of the show and pretty soon I can sit down and have a drink."

― Luigi Vampa (Horace Mann), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

the pastels!

― joan vich (joan vich), Thursday, 22 January 2004 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

flipper!

― tipustiger, Thursday, 22 January 2004 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drc900/c992/c99228v4h5u.jpg
I thought I could get rid of this album, but I couldn't. Tooooo much fun.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 22 January 2004 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

wait a minute here - the seeds' biggest songs "pushin' too hard" and "can't seem to make you mine" sound quite different from each other! (of course all their other songs sound exactly like either one or the other of these 2 songs - or combinations of the 2 cf "mr farmer" - which is not unlike the troggs' catalogue of variations on either/or "wild thing" and/or "with a girl like you") - but anyway yeah you're right they're great.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 22 January 2004 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

GG ALLIN

― sucka (sucka), Thursday, 22 January 2004 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I have sung the praises of this next act before on this forum, but it bears repeating...

1) Thuggish bargain-basement thrash sludge sound.
2) Shouty, barely intelligible vocals.
3) Mixture of violent stupidity and pompous drivel for lyrics.
4) Inept, gimmick-laden show.
5) Intentionally shoddy and absurdly silly costumes and makeup.
6) "No Redeeming Social Value"
7) going to a concert of theirs all but guarantees that you clothes will be ruined.

but...I gotta say it.
I Still Love GWAR.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 22 January 2004 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

What is this 'objectively' you speak of?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 22 January 2004 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Pavement.

― nader (nader), Thursday, 22 January 2004 19:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Objectivity, Ned. Like, objectively Heavy Metal Machine is a horrible hissing mess, but subjectively you think it owns.

― Stupid (Stupid), Thursday, 22 January 2004 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

System of a Down. Fuckin; great ... even if the music is at first glance crude, loud, uncontrolled and (at times) obnoxious.

― Chris O., Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Like, objectively Heavy Metal Machine is a horrible hissing mess, but subjectively you think it owns.

You speak in riddles, sahib.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Sightings

― Jon Williams (ex machina), Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:18 (twenty-two years ago)

hissing?!

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

HISSING. Well... that special kind of Billy Corgan hissing that removes any remote kind of heaviness from a sound. Great songs, great guitar tones, shitty engineering job.

I second SOAD.

― Stupid (Stupid), Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Jandek!

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Jandek? Meh. Fun novelty for a while, but when it comes down to it I'll take decent music over "enigmatic persona" any day.

― Stupid (Stupid), Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Air Supply

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

jandek has an enigmatic persona?

― Felcher (Felcher), Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, you people really just can't let anything slide can you?

― Stupid (Stupid), Thursday, 22 January 2004 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

slide!?

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 22 January 2004 21:00 (twenty-two years ago)

every goddamned one of them

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 22 January 2004 21:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Of?!?!?! OF?!?!?!?!?!?

Hahaha, I bet you don't even have 5,000 LPs! 'Of' indeed... HAH!

― Stupid (Stupid), Thursday, 22 January 2004 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

AC/DC

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Thursday, 22 January 2004 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Guitar Wolf! All of my friends hate them with a passion. Why?

― Rachel, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

It's impossible to be "objectively" terrible, as I'm sure everybody here knows. But Ned already said that I guess. Anyway, this thread makes no sense whatsoever. If AC/DC or the Seeds or NSync or whoever are great, they're just great. Period. That's how this stuff works.

(In other words, "All of my friends hate them with a passion" does not equal "objectively terrible" in any sense of the phrase at all.)

― chuck, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

the fall

― gygax! (gygax!), Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

(Next thing you know, you'll be saying there are such things as "guilty pleasures" or something.)

― chuck, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:12 (twenty-two years ago)

You said that it's impossible to be objectivley terrible anyway. Stop ruining everyone's fun.

― Rachel, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey chuck:

http://maddox.xmission.com/yeah_d55.jpg
Nobody cares.

― Stupid (Stupid), Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

chuck, a member of the Lordz of Brooklyn just flicked you off! GET IN THE RING!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Shit, I'm the only person who's ever even written anything GOOD about those guys, too! (DESPITE their alleged objective terribleness. Or whatever. I guess part of my problem is that it's hard to imagine liking ANY music that doesn't have some stuff that stupid people would call objectively terrible in it. That's part of what makes ALL music good, right?) (Actually, though, after their first album or at least the *Gravesend* soundtrack, Lordz of Brooklyn just plain suck.)

― chuck, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

It all comes down the Gladys Knight and the Pips Rule, trust me.

― chuck, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

what rule is that?

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Gladys Knight and the Pips. They rule.

― pete s, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

tru dat.

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"Rock'n'roll works best when it seems both good for you and bad for you, nutritious and unnutritious, at the same time." And so on. (In other words, its Gladysness *has* to be balanced by some Pipsness.)

― chuck, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:37 (twenty-two years ago)

(And vice versa.)

― chuck, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:38 (twenty-two years ago)

So the pips are *objectively* unnutritious?
I'm wounded on their behalf

― pete s, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"seems" =/ "objective"

― chuck, Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

pips got mad vitamins, yo.

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

the rule makes sense pretty much though....you need the sweet and the sour and all that...

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:44 (twenty-two years ago)

That rule is genius! I weep to have not known about it until now (but now I'm glad I know).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 22 January 2004 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Peaches. No concept of dynamics or contrast, drags her songs out too long, thinks her lyrics are more risqué than they are (when Princess Superstar can out-sex her any day of the week)... but I love her.

― The Lex (The Lex), Thursday, 22 January 2004 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

blur

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 22 January 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I always spit out the pips. Am I enjoying them wrong?

― nickn (nickn), Friday, 23 January 2004 00:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Sad thing is, all my friends are objectively terrible, too.

― Dock Miles (Dock Miles), Friday, 23 January 2004 00:57 (twenty-two years ago)

The Pips could make several albums on their own merit. But who am I to say?

― jimwentworth (wench), Friday, 23 January 2004 07:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Well of course using the phrase "Objectively Terrible" is lazy, but it's not the "Tractatus" I'm dishin' out here just a buncha crap about pop music. All that happened is I was listening to The Seeds the other day and thinking, "Jesus, there are so many things *WRONG with this band and this music, and yet I still like 'em?"

*WARNING: Obtrusive objectivity in operation

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 23 January 2004 11:31 (twenty-two years ago)

The Germs own this thread.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 23 January 2004 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Beat Happening, in fact, owns this thread.

― mike a, Friday, 23 January 2004 14:08 (twenty-two years ago)

You bettered my answer, you BASTARD!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 23 January 2004 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Captain Beefheart has a 5-octave vocal range?

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Friday, 23 January 2004 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Captain Beefheart in being Rob Halford shockah!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 23 January 2004 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

clearly Venom is the correct answer to this thread...worst actual musicianship ever but the sum of the parts adds up to way more than it should.

― greg, Friday, 23 January 2004 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

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