Worst Track EVER!

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Now here is a task:

The track that has

1) No redeeming values
2) is utterly unenjoyable
3) compels the listener to turn it off (optionally)
4) on completion of one listen, you have no need to hear it ever again.

Man, it has to be bad. By anybody's book.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

My vote:

Mother of Turds - Buzzcocks. (From "Chronology", an otherwise fine album)

A 'between takes' lark, two play piano while singing the title over and over, and giggling like stoners. They have both sworn that they were not stoned whie recording this, but this also means that they both consented to the release of this... (Shelley and Diggle, I should add)...

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

AMERICAN LIFE

― Mr. Snrub, Monday, 29 November 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

The Beastie Boys' appropriately titled Some Old Bullshit compilation of unhindered by talent US hardcore would-be facsimiles gets top marks on all four criteria from me, but it's nearly a decade since step 4 took place for me, so my actual recollections of it are quite dim.

Nonetheless, it's a whole album of worst tracks ever.

― M Carty (mj_c), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll see you that, and raise you:

Prml Scrm "Star".

That Buzzcocks number is an outtake. "Star" was actually released as a "proper" track. It is both risible, yet unforgivably unfunny. Sometimes PRML SCRM the band are ok-ish, except for the singer. The band stink on this track as well. The lyrics are so bad that they make my scrotum clench as if I had immersed myself in the snotgreen sea.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

As I have said many times before, but then some things can't be said too often:

Hughie Green - "Stand Up And Be Counted" (Philips 7" single, 1977)

Even Kilroy-Silk would blanche at the sentiments in this landfill of fascist dreck, and how they are expressed. Stick to hunting out a copy of the Jack The Tab album, where the best bit (?) is sampled at the beginning of side one.

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 29 November 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I quite like Some Old Bullshit (or at least the Pollywog Stew portion).

"Heavy Metal Poisoning" by Styx gets my vote.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes it was an outtake, but they did consent to it being included. If t had been funny, fine. But it isn't.

Oh yeah, I did have that Beasties single, once. "EggRAid on Mojo". a fine sentiment I'm sure you'll agree.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Star was the one-love dubby one with the melodica? I quite like that one.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I like "American Life" and don't think "Star" is that bad compared to the drivel on Give Out But Don't Give Up.

My nomination is "Have A Nice Day" by the Stereophonics, or indeed any given song from that band's career.

― The Lex (The Lex), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Madonna-'american pie'

― lukey (Lukey G), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I think Star would have to be my vote for worst ever, now I've been uncomfortably reminded of its existence!
I remember Select magazine previewing Vanishing Point, and breathlessly describing Star as easily the best Primal Scream song ever written!

― M Carty (mj_c), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

"Runaway Train"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

The Police, "Mother".

Thanks, you've been great. See you next "worst song ever" thread.

― MC Transmaniacon (natepatrin), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"Have A Nice Day" by the Stereophonics clearly is the worst track ever, so perhaps as a result of this blindingly obvious fact, it should be excluded from future nominations so as not to make events too predictable?

― Huey (Huey), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Stereophonics 'Nothing Compares 2 U'

― Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

did they?

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I see a theme here...

― Huey (Huey), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

worst track that ISN'T a cover:

Westlife 'Tell Me What Makes A Man'

― Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

'nother cover:
Lenny Kravitz "American Woman"
He nearly killed a perfectly good song for me.

― It's hard to kill a horse with a flute (AaronHz), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

THE LENNY KRAVITZ CUNTING BASTARD GAP ADVERT SONG

― Marcello Carlin, Monday, 29 November 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Any Lenny Kravitz, really. Although I heard "Mr. Cab Driver" this morning on VH1C and thought it was ok.

― It's hard to kill a horse with a flute (AaronHz), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

THE LENNY KRAVITZ CUNTING BASTARD GAP ADVERT SONG

That certainlu fulfils at least 3 of the 4 thread rules - and the fourth is strong with this one.

― Huey (Huey), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

They played the video for that right after "Mr. Cab Driver" actually, so I know that #3 applies as I changed the channel within the first four bars.

― It's hard to kill a horse with a flute (AaronHz), Monday, 29 November 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I refuse to relisten to make sure I get the track title right, but it's on Roni Size / Reprazent's IN THE MODE

― Ian Christe (Ian Christe), Monday, 29 November 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

nothing on that album seems THAT bad to my memory (esp. not DIRTY BEATS)

― Frankenstein On Ice (blueski), Monday, 29 November 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Nothing as heinous as Lenny Kravitz there, for sure, but on the lameness scale -- BOING!

― Ian Christe (Ian Christe), Monday, 29 November 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I hesitantly put forward the Communards' take on 'Lover Man'. Normally, I like the Communards. However, no song has ever highlighted Jimmy Somerville's vocal inadequacies to quite the degree that this one did. Sarah Morris also sounds like the jazz equivalent of pulling teeth. It's... hell.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 29 November 2004 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Delta Bottleneck Stomp by Mercury Rev.

Never before has there been such an anomaly on such a great album.

― Baptiss Blacktick (Flotsam of the Fishfolk), Monday, 29 November 2004 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Bruce Willis - Respect Yourself

― Leelee, Monday, 29 November 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Cliff Richard's Millenium Prayer

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 29 November 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Bruce Willis - Respect Yourself

OTM! thus explaining why Patrick Bateman had to have The Return of Bruno in all available formats STAT

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Monday, 29 November 2004 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

we should do this except with the added criterion that each person has to debunk the previous track/show why their individual track is worse than the last one posted.

― lemin (lemin), Monday, 29 November 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Rob and Fab - "Let's Do It"

worst song ever to grace a CD

― Pekka, Monday, 29 November 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Exactly why is this criteria a negative thing?

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Monday, 29 November 2004 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

1. The chorus is "Let's work, let's do it, let's jam, let's do it!"

2. The rapping is horrible and sounds like Hans und Franz.

3. Lame lyrics

4. It's Rob and Fab's real voices

― Pekka, Monday, 29 November 2004 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Bill Wyman "Je Suis Un Rockstar" beats Bruce Willis, because instead of being a horny insecure actor impersonating a black man, he's a horny insecure British rock star impersonating a better version of himself.

Then on to the basic OOF! of Andy Capp making bad French puns: Je avais une residonce / in Fronce / Voulez vous partir with me?"

Forget it! This song fails to meet the criteria here on all 4 points. It must be heard, frequently, and the effect is painfully enjoyable.

Back to Roni Size for his inexcusable dudness.

― Ian Christe (Ian Christe), Monday, 29 November 2004 20:44 (twenty-one years ago)

John Farnham - You're the voice

Bruce Springsteen - Born in the USA

U2 - I still havn't found what I'm looking for

Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up

― xenografia, Monday, 29 November 2004 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I Wanna Sex You Up is one of my guilty pleasures.

― Leelee, Monday, 29 November 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely it's something by Eddie Money. I haven't the stomach to get any more specific than that.

― Blightersrock (Da ve Segal), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 04:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Vanilla Ice - Havin' a Roni (Yes, this is even worse than Ice Ice Baby)

― Leelee, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 04:51 (twenty-one years ago)

And what the hell is a "Roni" anyway?

― Leelee, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 04:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Madonna-'american pie'
-- lukey

seconded!

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 05:19 (twenty-one years ago)

"Born in the USA" is an odd pick. I think that song is riveting.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 06:37 (twenty-one years ago)

anything by jewel,lenny kravitz,beastie boys,mc hammer,

one choice would be beastie boys "intergalactic"

― adrian, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 07:43 (twenty-one years ago)

"Can't touch this" by MC hammer is pretty good. it's all in the sample to be sure, even a no-hoper like the hammer can't completely eradicate the brilliance of that sample.

― xenografia, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:05 (twenty-one years ago)

"Can't Touch This" is dreadful, but not quite as bad as Vanilla Ice or *shudder* Gerardo - Rico Suave

― Leelee, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:08 (twenty-one years ago)

You still havent beaten "Mother of Turds".

I admit I haven't heared "mother" by the Police. (do I have to?)

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Pashmina is along the right lines, but surely Primal Scream have two worse contenders - Medication and Pills.

However I'm going for the sheer horror that is Suede's 'Trash' gets my vote.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:24 (twenty-one years ago)

"We are the Pigs" is basically the same song but slower.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Glenn Medeiros' "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You" truly cannot in all honesty have a single fan. Inexcusably vile, even for someone who admires the odd power ballad - and he's not even in tune!

― Huey (Huey), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Dupont - Burn

― Leelee, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

I have just, for the first time, been moved to write something to people I don't know and yet somehow I feel a bond. I only logged on to find out the chords to Medication (which I have to play tonight). Clearly the song was so unmemorable that following to rehearsals with this new band, I have absolutely no recollection of playing it. Maybe I mistook it for the tune-up. I'm still no wiser, but thanks for an entertaining reminder of limbo rock.

― Mike Stand, Friday, 19 May 2006 14:05 (twenty years ago)

Seeing as this thread has by chance been revived, I'd like to declare that You Raise Me Up, by Westlife, or whoever it was, has to be the vilest, most worthless piece of schlock ever to assail my luckless ears.

― eyesteel (eyesteel), Friday, 19 May 2006 16:12 (twenty years ago)

Genesis - "Whodunnit" meets all 4 criteria, and is not a cover.

― Joe (Joe), Friday, 19 May 2006 16:39 (twenty years ago)

Jon Anderson - "Scraggle Cat and Puss Cat Willum" (yes, real title) meets all 4 criteria, is not a cover, and is less than 1 minute long.

― Joe (Joe), Friday, 19 May 2006 16:41 (twenty years ago)

The problem with saying "worst track ever" is that it creates a seemingly unresolvable paradox; the fact that it's the worst track ever makes it interesting, and therefore it couldn't be the worst track ever. It has to be something so middling, hopelessly mediocre and sickening, yet lying on the border of irredeemably bad and barely tolerable. My vote goes to "Bucky Done Gun" by MIA.

― punis (punis), Friday, 19 May 2006 16:51 (twenty years ago)

I heard this Buckcherry song twice this week (on a mix playing in a theater). It is, absolutely, the shittiest song ever. (It's called "Crazy Bitch.")

Alright!

Break me down
You got a lovely face
We're going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud
Getting fucking laid
You want me to stay
But I got to make my way

Chorus:
Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(Repeat Chorus)

Take it all
The paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one night payed in full
You're so fine
It won't be a loss
Cashing in the rocks
Just to get you face to face

(Chorus x2)

Get the video
Fuck you so good
Get the video
Fuck you so good

Crazy bitch
Crazy bitch
Crazy... bitch

(Chorus)

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back
Come on!

Baby girl
You want it all
To be a star you'll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me!

(Chorus x2)

You keep me right on
You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me!

― morris pavilion (samjeff), Friday, 19 May 2006 21:16 (twenty years ago)

This is a new low point in musical history, and is soon to bring shame to Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest.

― Teh HoBBercraft (the pirate king), Friday, 19 May 2006 21:21 (twenty years ago)

This is a new low point in musical history, and is soon to bring shame to Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest.

this song sounds familiar. is it a remake or something?

― punis (punis), Friday, 19 May 2006 21:25 (twenty years ago)

I believe it's a cover of a Lou Reed song.

― Teh HoBBercraft (the pirate king), Friday, 19 May 2006 21:26 (twenty years ago)

Only one song has ever made me break out in a sweat in a gotta-get-out-of-here way, which inconveniently was in a car with my then gf and her parents. You (except Geir) have probably been spared; the offender is Franklin's "Bombadilla Life". Here, by the way, you can study its hold on the Norwegian #1 spot in the summer of 1989. Shudder.

― The Vintner's Lipogram (OleM), Friday, 19 May 2006 21:57 (twenty years ago)

Well, at work, it's "Dancin' in the Moonlight" by King Harvest on KLUV 98.7 Hippie idiocy at its most odious. Like an attempt at Van Morrison by someone who JUST DON'T GET IT

― a regal trolley (aaron a), Friday, 19 May 2006 22:13 (twenty years ago)

It's "Midnight Blue" by Lou Gramm.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 19 May 2006 22:24 (twenty years ago)

Jeez, I dunno - I'm pretty sure that "Dancing In The Moonlight" has a thread devoted to its own self & got plenty of love there.

― Monty Von Byonga (Monty Von Byonga), Friday, 19 May 2006 22:45 (twenty years ago)

It's "Monster" by The Automatic

― Bidfurd (Bidfurd), Saturday, 20 May 2006 09:20 (twenty years ago)

i still say butterfly kisses. it makes me want to kill god, and then piss all over god's lifeless corpse.

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 20 May 2006 09:52 (twenty years ago)

I think it's "Biker Like An Icon".

― Diego Valladolid (dvalladt), Saturday, 20 May 2006 17:37 (twenty years ago)

"love is in the air", definitely

― francesco brunetti, Saturday, 20 May 2006 19:23 (twenty years ago)

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