songs about have a very ugly, retarded, and/or handicapped girlfriend but still loving her

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there seems to be a whole tradition of this within the blues and r&b, etc. so far i have.

she's my baby - screamin' joe mcneal
ugly woman - johnny o'neal
she's mine - lightnin' hopkins
girl can't dance - bunker hill
you get ugly - contours
woman's got soul - the impressions
down home girl - the contours
lorenzo blues - skip james

what else?

― tom cleveland (tom cleveland), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

"No Tit" by the Queers

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

amanda - boston

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

"Venus de Milo" - Television

― LSTD (answer) (sexyDancer), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"Gorilla Girl" -- the Dead Milkmen

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

La la la la la lovely linda
with the lovely flowers in her hair
La la la la la lovely linda
with the lovely flowers in her hair

The Lovely Linda - Paul McCartney

― Good Dog, Monday, 29 November 2004 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

There must be a Ween one...

― Charles Dexter (Holey), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Charlie Feathers "Stutterin' Cindy"
Charlie Feathers "Tongue-Tied Jill"

Kind of a running theme in Charlie's ouevre . . .

― Formerly Lee G (Formerly Lee G), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

See also:

Hasil Adkins "She Said"

― Formerly Lee G (Formerly Lee G), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

"If You Wanna Be Happy," Jimmy Soul

― chuck, Monday, 29 November 2004 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

id forgotten that one chuck. thanks!

― tom cleveland (tom cleveland), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

as for the reverse, singing about being the ugly/retarded/handicapped boyfriend, there's xtc's "the mayor of simpleton."

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

"my funny valentine" obv. also

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, Cuz, wouldn't most of Hasil Adkins' stuff slot in on that list, too?

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Jim O'Rourke - "Halfway To A Threeway"

― Deric W. Haircare (Deric W. Haircare), Monday, 29 November 2004 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

You Ain't Got No Legs - Bloodhound Gang

― Jack Battery-Pack (Jack Battery-Pack), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 06:51 (twenty-one years ago)

cat stevens "moonshadow" - the poor bastard loses his legs,mouth,teeth , etc - now that's a bad day
the bloodhound gang " the drummer in def leppards only got one arm"
kiss"shandi"??? - maybe not

― kat, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 07:00 (twenty-one years ago)

OK I suck for mentioning it but:
"Breakfast in America" - Supertramp

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
Never seem to get a lot

(yeah sucked in Roger)

― Peter Hollo (raven), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Caesars Palace - "Only You"

Baby you've got ears just like Dumbo
It's so sweet
And your knees knock together
When you're walking down the street
Your eyes never look in the same direction
At the same time
I don't think you're the smartest girl on the block
But I don't mind

Only you can reach my heart
Only you and no one else
Only you can reach my heart
Only you can reach my heart

Everytime we go out
People stop and stare
And they talk about us
And they don't understand what we got
We got true love baby
We've syncronised our heartbeats
And we got the same size in shoes
Yes we do!

Only you can reach my heart
Only you and no one else
Only you can reach my heart
Only you can reach my heart

― willem (willem), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:26 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry to be pedantic, but 'Down Home Girl' was by The Coasters, not the Contours, and doesn't say she's ugly, quite the opposite i thought. the different (cruder) lyrics on the Alvin Robinson version make that even clearer.

― michael2 (michael2), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

"Bald headed Lena" The Lovin Spoonfull

"She don't wear a wig cuz her head's too big but she's alright with me"
and other classic lines.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Morrissey 'November Spawned a Monster', 'Girl Least Likely To', 'At Amber', 'Mute Witness' (?) - friends rather than girlfriends, maybe.

― bham, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band - When Big Joan Sets Up

― We Buy a Hammer For Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 11:56 (twenty-one years ago)

'Ugly' by Smudge

"I really really like her 'cause she's ugly, just like me" SHOCKING TWIST ENDING

― kit brash (kit brash), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 12:14 (twenty-one years ago)

A handicap is amusingly turned to advantage in the Who's "Mary Anne With the Shakey Hands."

― briania (briania), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

rolling stones - factory girl

― peter smith (plsmith), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

The Turtles, "You Don't Have to Walk in the Rain": "I look at your face / I love you anyways."

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, most of Sonny & Cher's early output, especially "But You're Mine" and "Little Man."

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Ramones vs Devo

― dave q (listerine), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

(I MARRIED A) MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE

The milky way she walks around
All feet firmly off the ground
Two worlds collide, two worlds collide
Here comes the future bride
Gimme a lift to the lunar base
I wanna marry a monster from outer space

I fell in love with an alien being
whose skin was jelly - whose teeth were green
she had the big bug eyes and the death-ray glare
feet like water wings - purple hair
I was over the moon - I asked her back to my place
then I married the monster - from outer space

The days were numbered - the nights were spent
in a rent free furnished oxygen tent
when a cyborg chef served up moon beams
done super rapid on a laser beam
I needed nutrition to keep up the pace
when I married the monster from outer space

We walked out - tentacle in hand
you could sense that the earthlings would not understand
they'd go.. nudge nudge ...when we got off the bus
saying it's extra-terrestial - not like us
and it's bad enough with another race
but fuck me... a monster ...from outer space

In a cybernetic fit of rage
she pissed off to another age
she lives in 1999
with her new boyfriend - a blob of slime
each time I see her translucent face
I remember the monster from outer space

― We Buy a Hammer For Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

... that's John Cooper Clarke that is

― We Buy a Hammer For Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Stranglers, "Ugly" (using broad definition of 'still loving')

― dave q (listerine), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Everytime I Eat Vegetables, It Makes Me Think Of You - The Ramones

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Girlfriend In A Coma - Smiths

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

lots of misfits songs, if being maggot-eaten, undead, a demon and/or a skull counts as "handicapped"

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

If we're just talking about mild physical deformities...

AC/DC, "Whole Lotta Rosie"
Joe Tex, "Skinny Legs And All"
Bob Dylan, "From A Buick 6"
Soft Boys, "Ugly Nora"
Death Of Samantha, "Monkey Face"

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 17:30 (twenty-one years ago)

"She's a Hunchback" - the Dickies
"Tongue-tied Jill" - Eugene Chadbourne

― everything, Tuesday, 30 November 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"Little Eefin' Annie" - Joe Perkins. Not sure what Annie's malfunction is, but whenever she gets excited, she "eefs." It's unclear whether Joe loves her despite or because of this proclivity.

― briania (briania), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

morrissey - you're the one for me, fatty

― Shmool McShmool (shmuel), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Met her on a blind date, helping out an old mate
Waiting at the corner, she’s be dressed in black
There was I expecting a really tasty bird
He said she was good looking, I should have doubt his word
When I saw her there she was a real disgrace
I thought nice legs shame about the face

I had to take her dancing, I couldn’t let her down
So we caught the bus to the other side of town
Out upon the dance floor, I wasn’t getting far
So I had a drink with my friends up at the bar
I asked them what they thought of her they fell about the place
And they said nice legs shame about her face

She said could we go bowling,
I said that would be fine
But when I bought the tickets
She’d already changed her mind
She was turning out to be a real hard case
Nice legs shame about the boat race

Downed a gin and soda, tapped me on the shoulder
Whispered in my ear it’s getting kind of late
When I took her home we hardly said a thing
I walked her to the door, expected to go in
She looked me up and down and really put me in my place
She said nice legs shame about your face
Nice legs shame about your face

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Pop Will Eat Itself "Let's Get Ugly"

― neil tacus (tacit), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Edison Lighthouse, "Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes": "she talks kinda funny," etc.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 23:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Every single lovesong written by John Lennon after 1968 to thread!

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Tuesday, 30 November 2004 23:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Geir, you are crazy.

― Ian John50n (orion), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

... that's John Cooper Clarke that is

It sure is. First time I recall seeing him mentioned here! Nice.

― Bimble (bimble), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Being dead is pretty handicapped: Jimmy Cross/Downliners Sect - I Want My Baby Back

― emil.y (emil.y), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Great, now I have that goddamn ribs song stuck in my head. As do you.

And although she's not the narrator's girlfriend, I've always found Jim Croce's lust on "Roller Derby Queen" convincing and enlightening. Tribe 8 should cover.

And then there's "Baby Got Back," which in our current post-J Lo era seems unremarkable -- but it should be noted that, until the publication of the DSM-IV in 1994, liking big butts was officially classified as a mental disorder.

― Jesse Fuchs (Jesse Fuchs), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Geir, you sick fuck. I am mad at myself for laughing out loud at that.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Wednesday, 1 December 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

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