Fictional Account: Guy Awakens Today From Coma That Began In Nov. '93.. Parents Ask ILM To Make Him A Box Set

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His name is Jerry and he loves music. On November 23, 1993 on the way home from buying Guns And Roses' "Spaghetti Incident" on the day of it's release, he had a car accident and went into a coma. He awakened today!

Where would we start to bring this rock dude up to speed on what the fuck he missed? Dude lived for Guns And Roses ("COMA" was ironically his fav GNR tune), Def Leppard, KISS, Ozzy, Sex Pistols, Metallica...to name a few.

More importantly, what would be the things from TODAY'S MUSIC that we should give this music nut. Would he even understand Green Day? Is Linkin Park or Incubus good choices give him an understanding where rock is at in '05?? Should we subject him to putting in the most recent Metallica nonsense.. just because that was one of his fav bands?

How do we best best fill in the gaps of music as it pertains to this case study?

The Goal: 10 essential discs from 24/11/93 to the present.

― ZionTrain (ZionTrain), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Just tell him he hasn't missed any new Guns'n'Roses albums.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, he totally skipped over Nirvana, so I doubt he'll have trouble assimilating back to what he was prior.

Then again, how many metal fans adapted to grunge in the mid-90's just because it was the closest thing at hand?
------------------

Kent: Tonight, on Eyewitness News: a man who's been in a coma for 23
years wakes up.

Man: Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?

Kent: No, uh, she won an Oscar, and he's a Congressman.

Man: Good night! [turns over and dies]

― PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, he totally skipped over Nirvana, so I doubt he'll have trouble assimilating back to what he was prior.

Nah, he had two years of Nirvana being huge -- he might be vaguely surprised to learn Cobain was dead, but then maybe not.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

The Darkness almost existed for the purpose of this guy's reawakening!

― donut debonair (donut), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

So 10. The Darkness Permission To Land

(Granted, if a guy truly had been in a coma for 12 years, I think catching up on music would be rather low on his priority list.. but hey, it's a fantasy scenario, after all.)

― donut debonair (donut), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

skipped = opted out

So if he opted out of Nirvana/Pearl Jam, I doubt he'd want to understand the Killers or whatever.

We're on the same page I think...

― PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

9. Andrew W.K. I Get Wet

― donut debonair (donut), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

*merriment* xpost

Yeah, give the dude his Darkness and Andrew WK album. Give him anyone's really. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Jerry: "The music kinda rocks, but is this a joke? Rock music ain't supposed to be funny."

ILM: "What about Zappa and such."

Jerry: "Yeah, some guys are funny, but GNR totally rock. Where's the rock?!"

― PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:43 (twenty-one years ago)

VELVET REVOLVER!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Jerry: "Thanks man. This is cool. I wish it was GNR though."

― PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

System of a Down?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

was 'Superunknown' out before his coma?

― $V£N! (blueski), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Hold Steady
Drive Like Jehu?

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Jerry: "The music kinda rocks, but is this a joke? Rock music ain't supposed to be funny."

This is where Jerry must learn the painful truth.

― donut debonair (donut), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

was 'Superunknown' out before his coma?

He missed it and The Downward Spiral by five months.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

The guys who were listening to Ozzy and GN'R in November, 1993, are still listening to Ozzy and GN'R.

They're the ones who refer to Jane's Addiction as "that punk crap".

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:53 (twenty-one years ago)

8.velvet revolver
7.system of the down..(say Toxicity)
6.Soundgarden Superunknown
5.The Hold Steady (I dunno, the latest one)
4.Drive Like Jehu Yank Crime (the other album was from 1991)

3.Fu Manchu Action is GO!

― donut debonair (donut), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Jerry would like Fu Manchu, I bet.

― donut debonair (donut), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:54 (twenty-one years ago)

This year's Norwegian Eurovision entry is made for people like him:
http://www.eurovisionmadrid.com/2005/znor05.html

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Queens of the Stone Age - Songs For the Deaf

― kickitcricket (kickitcricket), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Jerry: What the hell, ma? i've been out for nearly 12 years and you only got those guys to give me 10 records? 12 fucking years!

― ken taylrr (ken taylrr), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry, don't mean to change the challenge. i actually love this thread.

― ken taylrr (ken taylrr), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

BUCK CHERRY!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

And the prize. with a big pink ribbon that says "Jerry" on it.

The #1 disc..

Turbonegro Ass Cobra

― donut debonair (donut), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Sweet.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Jerry is already aware of Sweet, which is an important influence on a lot of his favourite music.. :-)

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Would Jerry dig Kinski?

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Just give Jerry a tape of the GNR performance on the MTV awards a few years ago and he may voluntarily rejoin his coma, already in progress.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

OR, just fill up a 60gb iPod with every top 40 single from the last 12 years and let him figure out how to use it himself.

What the fuck is an mp3?

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Regardless of whether he'd like them, why should Green Day be hard to understand, considering that he was already a Pistols fan? He might like In Utero more than Nevermind. (I did.) Definitely the Pumpkins albums. Tool. Probably My Chemical Romance. Maybe throw in Elephant and see what he makes of it.

― Sundar (sundar), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Alternately you could play Van Halen III and see what happens.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

White Blood Cells
Keep It Like A Secret
Local H: Pack Up The Cats

― kornrulez6969 (TCBeing), Monday, 9 May 2005 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

How about some Mars Volta or At The Drive-In?

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Monday, 9 May 2005 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh, also I'd give him Tim Hecker's Van Halen tribute My Love Is Rotten to the Core.

― Sundar (sundar), Monday, 9 May 2005 23:26 (twenty-one years ago)

gene simmons- asshole

that'll show him what kind of stuff the rockers of yore are putting out

― ZionTrain (ZionTrain), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 01:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Did this guy listen to "The Spaghetti Incident" in the record shop or just buy it.

This is an important question because just one listen to that album would have convinced him that hair metal was dead and buried already by 1993.

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 12:22 (twenty-one years ago)

You guys are fucking dicks. I had to learn to walk all over again. I couldn't go to the bathroom or eat on my own. I wake up every morning thinking I was just in a car wreck and have to be calmed down with downders because my short term memory is fucked. This happens throughout the day as well. I can't plan a balanced diet because the damage to my brain won't allow me to think about multiple things at once. I can't differentiate between left and right.

And yet here you are making fun of my taste in music, you heartless bastards. I hate you, and I hope you all experience what I have had to experience. Fuck you and diOHMY FUCKING GOD THE TERROR WHERE IS MY FIANCE WHERE IS MY BROTHER WHAT THE FUCK THEY HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR TWELVE YEARS BECAUSE OF MY DRIVING WHILE ROCKING?! SOMEONE KILL ME NOW PLEASE!!!!

― Jerry Sigsby (Yejoon), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

All "rock" "dudes" should be sent to Baghdad at bayonet point and deployed as ballast.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Alice in Chains?

― Dominique (dleone), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

For Those About To Wake Up, I Salute You

― $V£N! (blueski), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 12:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe this is just me being a corny indie fuck, but after Jerry calms down, is there a chance he might start getting more into indie rock rather than mainstream releases? Maybe Arcade Fire?

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Ted Nugent, Craveman.

― pdf (Phil Freeman), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

ILM: Hey Jerry, ILM heard you dug Def Leppard back in the days.. check this one out they did called "Slang"

JERRY: Rock on! I hope it's like Hysteria man.

― ZionTrain (ZionTrain), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Would Jerry be at all reassured by St. Anger?

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I think we should keep Jerry away from St. Anger. The next Metallica disc will be a "back to basics" album, of course, so he'll appropriately rejoin in then.

― ZionTrain (ZionTrain), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Ten essential discs - of today's music, nonetheless - for a guy who's been snoozing away for nearly 12 years...hmm. Chances are, he's gonna be tweaked into a high crank by much of what has been foisted upon our ears since then. Hence, two lists: one for what qualifies as modern music, and one for what he probably would like to hear:

In no particular order, the 'modern' list:

1. SOAD - Toxicity
2. White Stripes - Elephant
3. Beck - Mellow Gold
4. Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory or Meteora (pick one - they sound the same, so who gives a hirsute rodent's rectum which one you choose)
5. Green Day - American Idiot
6. Atreyu - The Curse
7. Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie
8. Tool - Aenima or Lateralus (hell, be generous and run down to your local used store and get him both; the poor schlump's gonna have to burn some midnight oil to reacquire any sense of a topical meter)
9. NIN - Downward Spiral
10. Enya - A Day Without Rain (eat my fuck if you don't like it - chances are he's gonna need something to mellow out when he hears some of this abominable dreck)

And now for what he might dig:

1. The Wildhearts - Must Be Destroyed
2. Soundgarden - Louder Than Love
3. Days of the New - epon.
4. Ayreon - The Human Equation
5. Metallica - Garage Inc.
6. Black Label Society - Stronger Than Death or Mafia
7. Motorhead - Inferno
8. Velvet Revolver - epon.
9. Fireball Ministry - The Second Great Awakening
10. whatever the new G'n'R disc is called - Axl should personally deliver a SuperAudio DVD to his house, along with a top-shelf audiophile gearhead system to cook it up on. If anyone deserves to hear this first, it's not that goddam Eddie Trunk - it's our guy Rip.

No Metallica (except for the covers disc just mentioned). If he hears Load, Reload, S&M, or St. Anger, he'll go right back into that coma faster than Clay Aiken runs from a Brazilian prostitute.

― necrothorn, Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

If he hears Load, Reload, S&M, or St. Anger, he'll go right back into that coma faster than Clay Aiken runs from a Brazilian prostitute.

He has already heard "Metallica". If he liked their new direction on that one (and as a Def Leppard/GnR fan he might have) then there is no reason why he should get such a shock from hearing "Load" or "Reload".

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 12 May 2005 08:20 (twenty-one years ago)

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