Music Articles That Give You A Screaming Case Of Giggletits

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When I woke up this morning, I did not expect to be ambushed by a link to this. The overall effect of reading this (particularly the paragraph that starts "Before hiphop introduced sneakers and tracksuits to the dance floor...") was akin to watching Steve Harvey dance in a Speedo while eating fried chicken and watermelon.

I've shown you mine; now you show me yours. Post an article, interview or review that hit all of your inappropriate buttons in precisely the correct way to cause outraged shrieking laughter as opposed to incandescent fury.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 August 2005 14:00 (twenty years ago)

a speedo, you say?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 8 August 2005 14:03 (twenty years ago)

I should have known this thread was going to be a gigantic dud.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 August 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

I'm still waking up. Give me time.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 8 August 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

Dan, you accidentally posted this thread on ILM, AKA "PEOPLE WITH NO SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT MUSIC LAND."

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 8 August 2005 15:11 (twenty years ago)

I'm suddenly afraid that I'm going to be getting piles of hate email calling me a racist.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 August 2005 15:28 (twenty years ago)

Though this has been linked before, I still think this guy is funny: Why Do So Many Smart People Listen to Such Terrible Music?

― The Mad Puffin (The Mad Puffin), Monday, 8 August 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

I am curious about these giggling tits of yours...

― Shakey Mo Collier, Monday, 8 August 2005 15:33 (twenty years ago)

this article did not make me laugh with giggling t's, but rather acted like instant ipecac. i'm sorry, little burrito, it wasn't you, it was me

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Monday, 8 August 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

Dan you are what I like to call black elegance

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Monday, 8 August 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

I wanna be white awkwardness!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 8 August 2005 16:44 (twenty years ago)

Speaking of: WTF is up w/ COMEDIAN DANE COOK placing an album on the Billboard charts? IN THE TOP TEN??!?!?

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 8 August 2005 16:44 (twenty years ago)

Dan you are what I like to call black elegance

I told him similar! It is a sign.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 8 August 2005 16:48 (twenty years ago)

Is Dane Cook a Christian Comedian? As in the comedy version of christian rock?
A "friend" lent me a DC DVD a while ago, after I lent her some of my comedy albums (not comedy albums BY me, but comedy albums OWNED by me), and I got about 10 minutes into it before I had to shut it off. I felt that any second he was going to burst into "You know what's funny about Jesus? NOTHING! But Simon-Peter was a total cut up! Praise be, neighbour!"

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 8 August 2005 16:59 (twenty years ago)

if Dane Cook (whose new album has a track called "Itchy Asshole" and apparently does stuff about pooping on people's coats at parties) is a Christian Comedian, then maybe I'll go back to believing in all that stuff

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Monday, 8 August 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

I dunno, he just has that Christy Creed Sheen about him.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 8 August 2005 17:34 (twenty years ago)

almost any early Schreiber pitchfork review will do the trick, i.e. this review of the Amp's Pacer:

Initially, I wasn't sure if this record was for me. It seemed so lo-fi that it was barely audible, the songs didn't stand out immediately, and I was just like, "Jesus, compared to the Breeders, this is terrible."

After a couple more listens, I couldn't believe I wasn't pulled into the awesome rock melodies and the brilliant lyrics from the beginning. The lo-finess could be due to hanging around with four-track geniuses and fellow Daytonians Guided by Voices. In fact, one of Pacer's standout tracks, "I Am Decided," was co-written with Robert Pollard. Kim Deal set out to record a different kind of record and came out with one that's so terrific, it won't leave my discman for at least three days. Well, that's kind of a long time, I guess.

― gear (gear), Monday, 8 August 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

There's something half-sweet about the horribleness of that Stranger article, though: it basically boils down to "I heard everyone in London liked MJ Cole, but that was four years ago. Do they have something else now? I don't really know. I just know that I really like MJ Cole because MJ Cole seems classy and in my day we WORE SUITS."

[NB I really love when people try to explain the two-step beat in lots of words. I mean, there's something interesting and complex about it, and this guy's whole "between four/four and breaks" is a good way of putting it, but on another level it's just "it's a normal beat except move the 3 one-sixteenth step earlier!"]

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

I sense a name change.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:10 (twenty years ago)

AW YEAH

― The Revenant of OC Brahs, Dude (Ned), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:12 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://www.bryan-talbot.com/Images/gallery15/GentlemanGhost.jpg

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

http://www.bryan-talbot.com/Images/gallery15/GentlemanGhost.jpg

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

That looks suspsiciously like my performance attire.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

Note how he gets down to "Oh Sheila" by Ready for the World there.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

i was kind of amazed by how many times he could fit the term "black elegance" into each paragraph. he must've averaged at least 4 mentions!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 8 August 2005 18:43 (twenty years ago)

I'm guessing it was a dare...?

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:34 (twenty years ago)

Stop making fun of Charles Mudede. He is a phenomenal journalist and screenplay writer.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:39 (twenty years ago)

Why do I have a guess I know exactly who this is?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:42 (twenty years ago)

Lay off, Ned.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

Is that person's initials KW?

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:49 (twenty years ago)

Leave it alone already.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:50 (twenty years ago)

FUNTIME.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:50 (twenty years ago)

Charles Mudede can beat you both up.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:51 (twenty years ago)

That confirmed it, actually.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:52 (twenty years ago)

He can also outwrite both of you.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:53 (twenty years ago)

d'you fuck him too?

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:54 (twenty years ago)

Grow up.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:54 (twenty years ago)

I like your grammar lessons.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:54 (twenty years ago)

Lemme note that I haven't said a damned thing about Mudede. But let it go, please, just let it go.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:55 (twenty years ago)

Don't you have anything better to do? Maybe you should learn how to write instead of bashing other people.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:55 (twenty years ago)

so did you?

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:56 (twenty years ago)

You chimed in and now you want to "let it go" -- grow up.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:56 (twenty years ago)

No, did you?

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:56 (twenty years ago)

You are the yin to Marissa's yang.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:57 (twenty years ago)

Oh you are SO COOL, message board man. Grow up.

― hey, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:57 (twenty years ago)

at least marissa's not a plagiarist.

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:58 (twenty years ago)

I don't get it

― Banana Nutrament (ghostface), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 01:59 (twenty years ago)

but maybe I am just dizzy from listening to too many awesome rock melodies

― Banana Nutrament (ghostface), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 02:00 (twenty years ago)

This is coming from a person who threaten to kill me with a baseball bat? I think I gotta right to be hostile, if anything.

But just *stop* lurking. Let it GO.

And that's all I'll say about the matter.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 02:00 (twenty years ago)

All I am saying is to lay off of Charles Mudede.

― heyy, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 02:02 (twenty years ago)

do normal ppl know who charles mudede is or is this something to do with dungeons and dragons or summat

― Banana Nutrament (ghostface), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 02:03 (twenty years ago)

Banana, check other channels. Locales even.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 02:05 (twenty years ago)

dan i totally made fun of this article like three years ago on ilx! GET WITH THE TIMES, MAN.

― strng hlkngtn, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 02:07 (twenty years ago)

oh right he is the guy selling that cool-ass superblender!! I almost bought one the other night when I had been watching too much tv but then I was all like "do we really have space in the kitchen" and then my Charles Mudede moment was over

― Banana Nutrament (ghostface), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 02:09 (twenty years ago)

haha of course because it was 2002 i spent about 4000 words attacking it rather than the more economical 2005 jess "haha what a tool"

― strng hlkngtn, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 02:10 (twenty years ago)

how right you are: Why Should People Be Paid For Writing About Music?

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha see, in 2002 I was still actively avoiding music criticism! Kind of like I do now, except for when someone explicitly passes me a link to something outrageously stupid!

Based on the one example, I am certain Charles Mudede can write me under the table because I almost slid underneath my desk when I read that article due to gut-churning, hernia-inducing laughter. I think my neighbors suspect I have whooping cough now.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 11:12 (twenty years ago)

(This is completely setting aside the fact that Charles is a published writer and I am not; if he can't write me under the table, he's got some serious issues.)

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

haha dan, that logic makes no sense

― strng hlkngtn, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

i mean, ask matos to read you some pitches he gets sometimes. from published writers, no less.

― strng hlkngtn, Tuesday, 9 August 2005 12:12 (twenty years ago)

LEAVE ME TO MY CANDYFLOSS WORLD OF IDEALISM AND RAINBOWS

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

who is the "their" in this sentence? i don't get it...
"Despite their commitment to white, upper-class aesthetics, very few white musicians have been able to reproduce the effects and funk of black elegance."
logically it would be
"Despite commitment to white, upper-class aesthetics, very few white musicians have been able to reproduce the effects and funk of black elegance."
but I think he means
"Despite 's commitment to white, upper-class aesthetics, very few white musicians have been able to reproduce the effects and funk of black elegance."
but either way it's screwy.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 12:45 (twenty years ago)

I'm pretty sure "their" refers to "white musicians", which in turn makes me wonder why one would show surprise that having a commitment to white, upper-class aesthetics wouldn't make you adept at reproducing the effects and funk of black elegance, particularly since the article spends so much time putting the two in opposition.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

yeah, that's how it comes off the first dozen times you read it, but I think he actually meant Black Practitioners of Black Elegance were commited to white upper class aesthetics (which apparently means wearing suits) yet somehow whitey couldn't replicate Black Elegance despite also wearing suits. which is equally wtf.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 13:06 (twenty years ago)

TS white suits vs. black suits

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

Okay, if "their" is meant to refer to Black Practitioners of Black Elegance, there is a rather critical sentence referencing BPoBE missing from the beginning of that paragraph.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 13:24 (twenty years ago)

i know! but as you point out, it doesn't make sense if the "their" is White Practitioners Of Black Elegance either.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

Every time I see the word 'giggletits' I get a case of giggletits.

― wmlynch (wlynch), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

I don't want to discuss a now three year old article here... but Mudede also does the Police Beat section, which I think serves the Stranger readers better. I can't be enraged with a Mudede article as nothing he writes (that I've seen) is meant to harm nor malign artists, but the overuse of press-release style hyperbole, when it's not really applicable, does make me think he would make a better publicist than a journalist, given what i've read.

― donut ferry (donut), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

Giggletits(giggle)!

― A Big Fat Drunk Chick With A BoomBox, Wednesday, 10 August 2005 02:41 (twenty years ago)

I heard a Dane Cook routine where he made a passing mention of communion wafers as the Crouton o' Christ. ("A Jeez-It, if you will.") If he is a Christian, I will be very happy.

― My name is Kenny (My name is Kenny), Wednesday, 10 August 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

six years pass...

ok, so is this intentional comedy or not? http://t.co/8hGtzYBK

― dan138zig (Durrr Durrr Durrrrrr), Saturday, 12 November 2011 03:57 (fourteen years ago)

MAybe that whole site is one big joke? http://www.mademan.com/mm/dubstep-artists.html

― Glo-Vember (dog latin), Saturday, 12 November 2011 18:20 (fourteen years ago)

it's a bullshit SEO site that proves people are likely to click on lists. don't let them win!

― maura, Saturday, 12 November 2011 18:27 (fourteen years ago)

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