100 Misconceived Epics--6:00 and above

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What are the worst epic tracks? The ones that go nowhere, and take a long time to get there? Only 6 minutes and above, please. And include track length, if you can.

100. Drive All Night--Bruce Springsteen 8:33
99. In The Light--Led Zeppelin 8:44
98. Change Your Mind--Neil Young & Crazy Horse 14:39

― kornrulez6969 (TCBeing), Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:15 (twenty years ago)

'change yr mind' is awesome!

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:24 (twenty years ago)

97. this thread

― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:25 (twenty years ago)

96. Oasis - "All Around the World" 194:09

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:26 (twenty years ago)

95. The Beatles - "Hey Jude"

― j blount (papa la bas), Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:27 (twenty years ago)

In the Light is quite good

94. That one from Da Capo

― timmy tannin (pompous), Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:29 (twenty years ago)

Much as I love Can, I'm going to go ahead and say it:
93. Aumng
92. Peking O
both always have me reaching for the skip button.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:32 (twenty years ago)

91. Yes - Tales From Topographic Oceans (80 minutes+).

Yeah it's an album made up of 4 tracks, but essentially it's all one piece. And it goes on and on and on without doing ANYTHING interesting at any point. I'm sure Geir loves it.

― Matt #2 (Matt #2), Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:39 (twenty years ago)

I like "Change Your Mind" a heck of a lot. Defnitely one of my favorite 90's Neil Young tunes. It does kinda go nowhere in the instrumental part, but I like that.

I'll vote for 90) "Aqualung" by Jethro Tull as a henious nightmare from my classic-rock listening junior high school years. (6:34)

― James, Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:42 (twenty years ago)

wilco-LESS THAN YOU THINK.

― dfdsSGS, Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:45 (twenty years ago)

89. Grand Funk Railroad- "I'm Your Captain (Closer to Home)"

At 9 minutes and 58 seconds, it feels easily twice as long, making long drives unbearable.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:53 (twenty years ago)

ooh - rolling stones - "going home," although it has no epic qualities besides length...

― pssst - badass revolutionary art! (plsmith), Thursday, 23 March 2006 20:00 (twenty years ago)

88. Billy Idol - White Wedding, Pts. 1 and 2

Yeah, we really needed a part two.

― My name is Kenny (My name is Kenny), Thursday, 23 March 2006 20:13 (twenty years ago)

There's a fun story of my father flipping out and breaking a turntable at a party when someone was trying to put I'm Your Captain on for the third time straight.

― js (honestengine), Thursday, 23 March 2006 20:29 (twenty years ago)

I remember the first time I heard I'm Your Captain, I just could not believe how long it dragged. It was one of those 'so bad it's good' songs, but then it went on so long that it turned bad again.

Change Your Mind would be a good 6 minute song, but there's no reason it should be 14.

In The Light really does go nowhere, I don't see how anybody but the staunchest Zep fan can defend it. It's possibly the only song of theirs I've never heard on FM radio.

I love Going Home. It's so over the top...he decides to jerk off in the middle of the song cause he "just can't wait"

― kornrulez6969 (TCBeing), Thursday, 23 March 2006 20:38 (twenty years ago)

no accounting for taste, bro
what's with this "going somewhere" thing you dissapointed-types are going on about, anyhow?

― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Thursday, 23 March 2006 20:46 (twenty years ago)

"In the Light" isn't that indefensible. It just sounds like they had a couple of parts that didn't really go together & tried to mash them into a song. And the chorus has a pretty decent hook.

I'd easily take it over
#87-- Kashmir.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Thursday, 23 March 2006 21:00 (twenty years ago)

bah. kashmir is great.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 23 March 2006 21:33 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, Kashmir and In the Light are both awesome. However, not to pick on Zep, but...

#86. Carouselambra

― darin (darin), Thursday, 23 March 2006 21:59 (twenty years ago)

NO NO NO NO NO

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Thursday, 23 March 2006 22:10 (twenty years ago)

It's not fair to start this thread when Geir isn't around.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 23 March 2006 22:11 (twenty years ago)

85. Iron Maiden - Rime Of The Ancient Mariner

I hate to rag on Maiden as much as the next man, but really this is just 13 minutes of their usual nonsense with some creaky boat noises in the middle. I get the feeling the lyrics came first, somehow. Speaking of which...

84. Genesis - The Battle Of Epping Forest

Maybe they could have made a decent 4 minute song out of it. Speaking of which...

83. The Mars Volta - Cassandra Gemini

BO-RING!

― Matt #2 (Matt #2), Thursday, 23 March 2006 22:18 (twenty years ago)

91. Yes - Tales From Topographic Oceans (80 minutes+).
Yeah it's an album made up of 4 tracks, but essentially it's all one piece. And it goes on and on and on without doing ANYTHING interesting at any point.

You're buggin'.

― Jay Vee's Return (Manon_69), Thursday, 23 March 2006 22:38 (twenty years ago)

Actually I haven't listened to it since about 1986, maybe I'd think differently now. Doubt it though.

― Matt #2 (Matt #2), Thursday, 23 March 2006 22:48 (twenty years ago)

82. American Pie, Don McLean, 8:32

― r3000, Thursday, 23 March 2006 22:54 (twenty years ago)

81. Reoccurring Dreams: Husker Du--16+

80. Ballad in Plain D: Bob Dylan

― kornrulez6969 (TCBeing), Friday, 24 March 2006 00:11 (twenty years ago)

79. "The Load-Out/Stay" by Jackson Browne

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 24 March 2006 00:22 (twenty years ago)

78. cheap trick - gonna raise hell 9:20

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Friday, 24 March 2006 00:30 (twenty years ago)

77. in a gadda da vida

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Friday, 24 March 2006 00:30 (twenty years ago)

76. "A Treatise On Cosmic Fire" by Todd Rundgren. A thirty-six minute instrumental which I've never heard, but knowing it exists is a major barrier to buying the album it's on, and I love the guy.

84. Genesis - The Battle Of Epping Forest

Maybe they could have made a decent 4 minute song out of it.

Mr. Gabriel has since said the song has too many words and not enough music, or something to that effect.

"Carouselambra" is just great - even the cod-funky ending gets really good. As for Tales From Topographic Oceans, some of the pieces aren't brilliantly put together, but it's my own favourite Yes album, and I know of one ILMer who put it in his all-time Top 5, and no, it wasn't Geir.

― Lotta Continua (Damian), Friday, 24 March 2006 00:43 (twenty years ago)

83. Apache- Sugar Hill Gang

Although there are about a hundred rap songs from the 78-86 era that might qualify, this one is particularly gratuitous.

― luis, Friday, 24 March 2006 00:47 (twenty years ago)

aaah-uggauh-aaah-uggah, kemosabe jump on it, apache jump on it, jump on it.

― luis, Friday, 24 March 2006 00:49 (twenty years ago)

dah-dah-dah-dah.. sorry i'll stop now

― luis, Friday, 24 March 2006 00:49 (twenty years ago)

For the purposes of this thread, I did something I was heretofore unable to do-- listen to the entire 20+ minutes of Frank Zappa's misbegotten story song "The Adventures of Gregary Pecarry." It's not without it's redeeming features: a boogie-woogie interlude & some swinging horns, but by god it's a story song and it sums up everything that drives me nuts about FZ.

So I place it at #82.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Friday, 24 March 2006 01:28 (twenty years ago)

#81 The Rolling Stones - Going Home (11:13)
#80 Daft Punk - Too Long (10:00)

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Friday, 24 March 2006 01:52 (twenty years ago)

Goldie: Mother 60:21 (oh my god it's bad!)

― paulhw (paulhw), Friday, 24 March 2006 02:00 (twenty years ago)

They should be #76 and #75, I thought reading the last three numbers would be safe if they were in order.

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Friday, 24 March 2006 02:00 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, that's my bad for cutting and pasting that bit about the Genesis song and not taking out the number.

― Lotta Continua (Damian), Friday, 24 March 2006 02:15 (twenty years ago)

Oops I was not paying attention....
SHG at 75
FZ at 74
Stones at 73
& Daft Punk at 72 and we're back on track, epic style.

― Sparkle Motion's Rising Force, Friday, 24 March 2006 02:19 (twenty years ago)

I'm pretty sure our counting is hopelessly fucked at this point, but whatever:

#71. Dire Straits - Telegraph Road (14.15)

I actually like Knopfler's noodling and atmospherics but this is twice as long as necessary.

― Mitya (mitya), Friday, 24 March 2006 04:55 (twenty years ago)

70. Sonny & Cher, "Mama Was a Rock & Roll Singer, And Papa Used To Write All Her Songs." Clocks in at a healthy 9:39. Could have said all it needed to in 0:39.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 24 March 2006 05:37 (twenty years ago)

i will say it:

"Stairway to Heaven," while good at first, is among the most terrible, overrated songs in all of pop/rock history. and it is much too long.

"If I heard a bustle in my hedgerow, I'd get my gun."

― trees (treesessplode), Friday, 24 March 2006 07:23 (twenty years ago)

Standard ILM non-pro attempt at pop music mumbletypeg, cutting off thumb in first pass.

― Fern Barr, Friday, 24 March 2006 09:21 (twenty years ago)

I denounce the includion of Stairway to Heaven on this list while heartily praising the choice of Kashmir.

― My name is Kenny (My name is Kenny), Friday, 24 March 2006 09:30 (twenty years ago)

All songs over 6:00 are shit. (Exception: Gabriel-era Genesis songs in concert when Pete would do something crazy on stage like rape a flowerpot.)

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!! (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Friday, 24 March 2006 11:00 (twenty years ago)

"Going Home" "I'm Yr Captain" "Gonna Raise Hell" are perfect
oh ye of limited attention span kthxbye

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Friday, 24 March 2006 11:16 (twenty years ago)

69. Love - Revelation (18:57)
- I don't hate it as much as most people but it is ludicrously long

68. Love - Love Is More Than Words (11:17)
- halve it and I'll listen

68. Love - Doggone (12:01)
- nine minute drum solo, Arthur you fool!

― Dadaismus, the Male Poster (Dada), Friday, 24 March 2006 11:23 (twenty years ago)

Oops that last one was #67

― Dadaismus, the Male Poster (Dada), Friday, 24 March 2006 11:29 (twenty years ago)

debut album i got in the mail by the band *Cardinale* is entitled *31:13*, and, yes, you guessed it, it is one 31:13 minute track and it's pretty boring even by desert wasteland doom metal standards. how many people have had their DEBUT be one long song?

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 24 March 2006 12:22 (twenty years ago)

66: Brian Jonestown Massacre - Sound of Confusion [33:02]

― Matt Carlson (mattsoncarlhew), Friday, 24 March 2006 15:38 (twenty years ago)

65. seductive barry - pulp (8-9 minutes or so), aka the song that killed "this is hardcore."

and i love every other pulp sex-epic! this one is just so boring and about watching pr0n instead of spastic wanting-to-fuck-every-crack-in-the-pavement desire, and really boring.

― bell labs (bell_labs), Friday, 24 March 2006 16:18 (twenty years ago)

seductive barry - (9:56). and i used "boring" too many times. (must somehow remind myself to proofread before posting)

― bell labs (bell_labs), Friday, 24 March 2006 16:23 (twenty years ago)

64. Can - Bel Air (20 minutes)

It's ILM apostasy I know, but lose the last 10 minutes and I might find it bearable

― Dadaismus, the Male Poster (Dada), Friday, 24 March 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

er, 94 = 69

― timmy tannin (pompous), Friday, 24 March 2006 16:55 (twenty years ago)

63. New Pornographers - Stacked Crooked.

― doc radar, Friday, 24 March 2006 19:21 (twenty years ago)

Sorry Bruce

63. New York City Serenade--Springsteen 9:55

Stacked Crooked is 4:18

We've definitely counted Going Home by the Stones at least twice.

― kornrulez6969 (TCBeing), Friday, 24 March 2006 20:43 (twenty years ago)

six months pass...

61? bob dylan - joey 11:05

― Charlie Howard (the sphinx), Monday, 9 October 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

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