i hate hating everything all the time

too long didnt read

thanks webber..

Move to Canada.

i understand what you mean:/ everything's just a drag. i don't want to knack your hopes but i don't see a way out, that's how i feel, but i don't want to find a way out 'cause it's like become a safety blanket to me as i feel i see how everything is dismal and i can't blind myself with it. everything's shit, it's a shit world, write down how you feel, learn to play guitar and make something of your angst.

You could always wait for this to pass - it might not take that long.

thanks jonathan and damian.. damian i think that is going to be a life long dream.. both my parents suffer from depression, i have been told that i will be on meds for the rest of my life.. it's just about finding the right meds for my body right now.. jonathan, wanna send me a guitar and i promise that i will try to learn to play? even a ukilalie (my spelling is horrible!!!) would be great!! :)

lol, ukalalli would be leet!, however it's spelt?;/ although smashing a ukalalli may not be as fun as smashing a guitar:) it can be a hereditary chemical thing, well, you've probs been told etc, but if your parents suffer then...
but there must be soemthing you can do to take your mind off stuff briefly. i hate feeling down, but then it just feels wrong if i feel happy. so i think i'm happy but i'm really not,in my own little twisted hatred and unhappiness? does that make sense?;/;\/;/ i don't know, i've lost the plot, maybe i shouldn't be giving advice;/

i found that reading this message board helped on saturday.. i enjoyed the arguments between people, the inside jokes and little rants about "stuff" (fill in quotation marks..)i think i am usually ok at school, i get to chat with friends, spy on my crushes (although i have a long term boyfriend.. eek! i know i am a horrible horrible person.. ) and then come home... i am always soo tired, i just want to sleep all the time. but i have all this stuff to do but end up ignoring it for a little nap, but then after the nap i am still pretty tired and can't concentrate on anything..
i just started on some new meds last night so hopefully after my body stops going through withdrawl from the old meds and starts adjusting to the new meds, it might be a better fit.. fingers crossed!
and now i have a new roommate, a queer boy who is just wonderful! i love being able to come home to someone and chat with them about absolutly everything since we are still going through the getting to know you stages.
i think that you give wonderful advice! i like hearing that i am not the only crazy person in the world..
:)

argh, not being able to concentrate is knacking up my college stuff;/ and i know what you mean with the tiredness. but yeah,lol this message board is leet;D hoi hoi, hope they work better then:]

umm.. what is leet?
i have been going through withdrawl again today and it wasn't fun but i had a huge dinner with a bunch of friends to raise money for an international teaching trip.. anyways.. it went really well.. we made a few bucks.. clean up was a little hard, we have SO MANY LEFT OVERS!!! any toronto vegans want to get fed for a few days??? :) anyways, i am heading to bed.. long good day..

'leet' is an adaption of 'elite', meaning just that:)

Saboo, want to know what your problem is ? You've got to stop caring about everything so much. Everyone these days has such emotional responses to everything, and whenever something bad happens they get depressed and feel like hell. Just let go, stop thinking everyones better and your in the dog house and everything will be bad for the rest of your life. All you have to do is just let go, and see everything in a different way.
I used to be severely depressed. This was all just 2 years ago, i was about 14 and a half. My father suffered from M.S. , and was slowly dying before me. He had lost the use of his legs at the point of this story. My mother and father used to argue horribly, they even divorced at one point. My mother even called me into her bedroom once on new years eve and told me she was going to kill herself because she coudnt go on. That and the relentless arguing, screaming and shouting going on in my family, and the merciless bullying at school
led me to be severaly depressed.
But then one day, I met these people at school. They were so different from me, If i hadnt of completed one of my homeworks i used to panic and worry. But these people, they were so free of care and trouble, they joked about what was going to happen to them for not doing their homework. Overtime i became good freinds with these people, and i changed. Im not sure when it happened, or how fast, but i became a different person altogether. I was no longer a shy, arrgoant stuck up little child, but i was confident and open minded. I stopped getting bullied at school, and although my grades fell, i stopped caring. I just became content with what i was, i didnt worry about anything because i realised there was just no point.
Believe me, i have been to the lowest of the low, but only because i held onto my cares and my ambitions. When i let go, things ceased to matter to me anymore, and i saw everything in a totally new light. I began to understand myself and other people better, i could understand what made other people tick. I began to see new meanings behind things that people said to me, and because i understood them i no longer feared them.
You said that your freinds are assholes, but theres no-one better to hang around with. Guess what, so are mine. One of my freinds cheated on me with a girlfreind, the other takes the piss behind my back. But so what? I realised that it was their fault not mine, and they did like me really.
Just let go of what you feel, and realise that it just doesnt matter.