Johnson & Johnson !

Kane Johnson and Chris Johnson were among a number of AFL footballers in hiding last night, terrified of possible attacks by Collingwood full-forward Chris Tarrant.

Tarrant was last year involved in a pub fracas with teammate Ben Johnson. Nobody thought too much of it until this week, when Tarrant was involved in another nightclub stoush – this time with Essendon’s Mark Johnson.

The AFL’s investigation unit was called in upon hearing the news, and have concluded that Tarrant may well be a serial offender with a particular set against anyone with the surname Johnson.

“I tell you, Ben Johnson then Mark Johnson: is that a coincidence?” asked one AFL player, who refused to be named.

“If he’ll have a go at his own teammate, then anything’s possible. If my surname was Johnson, I know I’d be scared.”

Richmond’s Kane Johnson, Bulldog Brad Johnson, Brisbane’s Chris Johnson and Essendon’s Jason Johnson are among a gaggle of Johnsons who went into hiding last night.

Psychologists are looking into Tarrant’s past to see if they can find a clue to explain his behaviour. They are particularly looking to see if there were any unfortunate incidents with baby powder.