shot-for-shot remake

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suppose that instead of being a critically-dismissed minor oddity Van Sant's Psycho remake had been a massive blockbuster success and all the major studios were desperate to make more just like it. what films would you like (or fear) to see exactly remade, by which director and starring whom?

― the actual mr. jones (actual), Tuesday, 24 September 2002 19:03 (twenty-three years ago)

someone somewhere must be planning to do this to a G.Van Sant film already! (they should do Drugstore Cowboy with Alec Baldwin playing everyone obv)

― The Actual Mr. Jones (actual), Tuesday, 24 September 2002 19:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I keep seeing Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in Bringing Up Baby and Casablanca. Thanks.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 24 September 2002 20:17 (twenty-three years ago)

"Wait Until Dark" (though they would be allowed to update the particulars of plot so that it is plausible for today):

Suzy Hendrix: Hmmm...I dunno...maybe Lena Olin or Juliette Binoche
Mike Talman: Gabriel Byrne
Carlino: Philip Seymour Hoffman
Harry Roat: DEFINITELY Gary Oldman.

― Joe (Joe), Tuesday, 24 September 2002 20:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Brian Cox would be a good Roat, too...

― Joe (Joe), Tuesday, 24 September 2002 20:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I would love to see John Frankenheimer's Seconds remade, and for a large variety of reasons. First off, the movie disappeared quite quickly when it was released. Problems with distrbution ensured that it would not become the massive hit it deserved to be. Secondly, the movie, which, in a certain sense, is a long criticism of the priorization of youth in the counterculture then occuring (1966), would be especially timely now considering the fact that the baby boom generation is in control.
In terms of direction, that is really a tough choice. It would have to be someone that would remain faithful to certain sections, espcially the cinematography in the early scenes. Also, I would prefer if the spirit of the music (creepy modernist) was retained. I think that maybe Ang Lee would be a good choice, because the Ice Storm dealt with somewhat similar issues, and he captured meaningful silence in that movie.
As for stars, the less famous the better, unless they were skilled actors. The original starred Rock Hudson, and I do not if audiences at the movie felt the subversion implicit in that choice, or if the emotional impact of the film was muted because of his prominence. Obviously, the former is preferable.

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Tuesday, 24 September 2002 21:22 (twenty-three years ago)

yay more please (haha Martin i can't tell whether you fear or like the prospect of those Hanks/Ryan choices)

i just listened to the commentary on the Psycho dvd and was amazed by how little Van Sant discusses what's actually interesting about his film. A.Heche provides constant useless interjections about how the remake is "better" and young audiences don't "get it" (this despite the fact that she hadn't seen the original herself until they went into production). V.Vaughn redeems his own blithe yammering with the offhand remark "we should remake it again in a few years" - YES!! they SHOULD!

― the actual mr. jones (actual), Wednesday, 25 September 2002 16:40 (twenty-three years ago)

The 'thanks' was entirely sarcastic, Mr Jones.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 25 September 2002 19:21 (twenty-three years ago)

heh. can't believe i didn't catch that Martin.

― the actual mr. jones (actual), Wednesday, 25 September 2002 19:37 (twenty-three years ago)

I guess it could have been meant seriously, but it's unlikely. Or it could have been slightly mistyped repetition of the actor's name. "T Hanks" typoed to "Thanks".

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 25 September 2002 21:08 (twenty-three years ago)

no no it's perfectly obvious! but because i'm sleep-deprived i read it as "thanks, that's all i have to say".

(ps. if my shot-for-shot question is dull feel free to use this thread to discuss the pros and cons of Marky Mark attempting Cary Grant in the imminent Charade remake or the trailer i just saw for Solaris, with Clooney apparently portraying the water-covered planet)

― the actual mr. jones (actual), Wednesday, 25 September 2002 21:28 (twenty-three years ago)

four months pass...

"we should remake [psycho] again in a few years" - YES!! they SHOULD!

haha they just might! only this time w/ PUNKS!!

― jones (actual), Sunday, 9 February 2003 21:36 (twenty-three years ago)

("avril/c.love/etc as janet leigh" campaign starts here obv)

― jones (actual), Sunday, 9 February 2003 21:43 (twenty-three years ago)

I want to see Star Wars remade shot-for-shot with a cast of exactly ZERO white people.

1. Don Cheadle is Han Solo

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 9 February 2003 22:25 (twenty-three years ago)

2. Takeshi Kitano is Darth Vader

― Amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 9 February 2003 22:29 (twenty-three years ago)

mind-reading motherfucker

3. Benicio Del Toro is Chewbacca

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 9 February 2003 22:37 (twenty-three years ago)

4. Salma Hayek is Princess Leia.

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 9 February 2003 22:40 (twenty-three years ago)

5. Derek Luke as Luke Skywalker

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 9 February 2003 23:07 (twenty-three years ago)

and Benicio Del Toro isnt white???

― Chupa-Cabras (vicc13), Sunday, 9 February 2003 23:10 (twenty-three years ago)

6. Puerto Rico as Kashyyk, home planet of all Wookies

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 9 February 2003 23:19 (twenty-three years ago)

7. Bushwick Bill as R2D2 (is Bill still alive?)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 9 February 2003 23:20 (twenty-three years ago)

8. George Clooney as Lando Calrissian (come on, you need ONE white person! tokenism must be paralleled!)

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 9 February 2003 23:37 (twenty-three years ago)

in that case the vader outfit should be lily-pink

(p.s. the punXoR Psycho casting continues on ilm but no takers yet)

― jones (actual), Sunday, 9 February 2003 23:48 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, and I just saw the remake of the Haunting. What a horrendous waste of a possibly decent cast (they all blatantly had no guidance). The director and the screenwriter were horrendous. A shot-for-shot remake of the classic '60s original would be better by default.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 9 February 2003 23:52 (twenty-three years ago)

9. Sidney Poitier as the Emperor.

(ps Benicio Del Toro is Hispanic, just because he's light doesn't make him caucasian)

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 00:02 (twenty-three years ago)

10. Denzel Washington as Obi-Wan Kenobi

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 00:42 (twenty-three years ago)

i dont consider white = caucasian, more like white = white

― Chupa-Cabras (vicc13), Monday, 10 February 2003 00:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Episode VII
In which the above statement makes a lick of sense

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 00:50 (twenty-three years ago)

actually benicio is "antelope #630" :
http://www.beverlyhillsmotorsport.com/bhmotor/floormats/ULTIMATCOLORSBEIGEANDTANS_files/630-Antelope.jpg
http://img.yupimsn.com/dm/articles/img/Benicio-del-Toro.jpg

― jones (actual), Monday, 10 February 2003 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

11. Lucy Liu as CP3O - covered in silver paint.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 01:04 (twenty-three years ago)

"This oil bath is going to feel SO good..."

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 01:15 (twenty-three years ago)

*grin* Precisely!

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 01:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmmmm...for storm-troopers...?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 01:20 (twenty-three years ago)

i dont consider white = caucasian, more like white = white

This is the stupidest thing I've read on ILX in ages. Are you then saying that Derek Jeter or Mariah Carey are white people? They're both light skinned and light eyed. They're also both half black. And are Sicilians then minorities because they are not light? What does this even mean?

NOT TO MENTION THAT BENECIO DEL TORO CLEARLY LOOKS HISPANIC?!

All the storm-troopers should be portrayed by Shaquille O'Neal.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Some of the stormtroopers (in the forest of Endor, perhaps) should be portrayed by Yao Ming, surely.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Ooohhh...and Chow-Yun Fat and, maybe, Jackie Chan? Or will he be a lead Ewok character?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:31 (twenty-three years ago)

please forgive me for saying horrendous twice in my post re: the Haunting. Such redundancy is positively horrendous of me.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Storm troopers have to be basketball players, so Chow-Yun Fat and Jackie Chan must find other roles.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Jackie Chan is Yoda. Duh.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:38 (twenty-three years ago)

*laughing* Okay, then Michael Jordan and - hmmm - Larry Bird and - hmmm - that player or the Kings with the aesomely eastern-European name that I can't, for the life of me, recall.

But I think that Dennis Rodman should be singled out - maybe for that evil guy that Vader strangles using the force?

And who is going to play Jabba the Hut and Bobba Fett and the ever-so-essential- YODA?!

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Damn. Thanks, Millar. I can now sleep in peace.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:40 (twenty-three years ago)

If Benecio Del Toro is white, then Larry Bird is a goddamned albino! Jordan can play though, but only if his Space Jam buddies get cameos.

Can this version of Star Wars be a Spike Lee joint?

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Jabba the Hutt...Fat Joe!

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Contenders Biggie & Big Pun RIP

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd like to see a Muppet's version of Star Wars - and don't even think about mentioning that horrible Muppets/Space movie piece of garbage (though I am in favor of resurrecting Pigs in Space and Link Heart-Throb).

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 03:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I was definitely thinking this would HAVE to be a Spike Lee joint, Ally - especially since nobody seems to know what the fuck the message was in '25th Hour'.

I definitely think the midget from 'Gummo' should have a role as well.

Jabba should be played by a Samoan.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Muppet Star Wars, did you ever see the skit on the Muppet Show with Pigs in Space when Mark Hamill was on the show? It was fabulous. Gonzo played Durth Nader or something like that, and Miss Piggy hung all over Mark Hamill.

Also, I recall Mark Hamill and a Muppet doing something called "Gargling Gershwin" in an unrelated skit. Obv. this is why I failed math, because I am keeping this info in my head instead of solving Pi.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:09 (twenty-three years ago)

The best part was that Mark Hamill and Luke Skywalker were on the show as different people.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Big Pun would DEFINITELY have been the best as Jabba the Hut. Him, or Fat Fuck Barrel Boy.

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:15 (twenty-three years ago)

re: 25th Hour, I don't think there was a big overriding message? The message I got is that there are a lot of people who waste their potential.

What about the Star Wars Holiday Special? That is the holy film of evil.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:19 (twenty-three years ago)

ice cube as Darth Vader!

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:20 (twenty-three years ago)

Mekhi Phifer (DTRT) as Biggs

Method Man as Gold Leader

Red Man as Red Leader

Luis Guzman (Traffic) as Porkins

Rob Brown (Finding Forrester) as Wedge

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Finding Forrester is great.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:22 (twenty-three years ago)

Chow Yun Fat as Uncle Owen
Michelle Yeoh as Aunt Beru

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I can totally see this movie. My God. It's the greatest thing ever.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:24 (twenty-three years ago)

i think that Ally should go to film school and direct a film. it would be the greatest, most ridiculous thing EVAH! so long as Otis and Tracer get walk-on roles

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:25 (twenty-three years ago)

If I directed a film, I would like to do a remake of Friday, starring Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Jabba should actually be played by Ice-T in a fat suit.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:32 (twenty-three years ago)

I did see those Muppet Shows with Luke Skywalker and Marc Hammil - and loved them both. (For my b-day last year a dear friend gave me the "Best of the Muppet Show" DVD collection from TimeLife [to go with my "Monte Python" collection, I think] anyway - the Muppet Show collection is great - cheers me up any day, and really does that whole "trip down memory lane" things - like Brooke Shields in The Jabberwockey and such.) Damn, I miss Jim Henson!

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:32 (twenty-three years ago)

in a fat suit with a fur collar and a cane.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:33 (twenty-three years ago)

I want the Best of the Muppet Show! I didn't know such a thing existed!

And I knew I saw Brooke Shields doing that. No one else remembers it so I was convinced I dreamt it.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:34 (twenty-three years ago)

i remember Alice Cooper hosted one Muppet Show. but even then (late seventies) he was well past his prime.

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:38 (twenty-three years ago)

either Pink or Khia would be perfect as Miss Piggy, if the Muppet Show were to be re-made!

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:39 (twenty-three years ago)

and any re-make of any old movie would HAVE to have at least scene of gratuitous and meaningless sex.

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:41 (twenty-three years ago)

*laughing* It's a worthwhile investment, Ally - really - great therapy and they never got old. (Well, okay, at some point I did burn-out on the opening song, but, hey, that's okay too.) This morning I watched the one with James Coburn - he was teaching Animal how to meditate and break chairs. Brilliant!

It looks like the collection is on sale right now - it's worth checking out the link just to see the guest stars and some of the skits as "walk down memory lanes" things.

http://www.timelife.com/is-bin/INTERSHOP.enfinity/eCS/Store/en/-/USD/DisplayProductInformation-Start;sid=okD-26kK8Hy91pdNjsu-14_Pboo_D_nXURk=?ProductSKU=15837&CategoryName=1&Promo=f

*laughing* No-one else in my family remembered the Brooke Shields skit, either, so I just assumed I was hallucinating and it was the result of an over-active imagination (yeah, I had nightmares from it, too).

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, Tad's right about the sex - I was thinking I'd follow up my Friday remake with a hardcore porn version of The Quiet Man.

So, Laura, basically we both thought we were insane for a long time because of Brooke Shields and Jim Hensen. Can we sue?

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Animal would be difficult to recast, because Animal is such a Sixties/Seventies character (the crazy, Keith Moon-esque drummer). there really isn't any sort of equivalent cultural type to that nowadays, is there?

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:47 (twenty-three years ago)

actually, Ally, i think that a quiet man remake would work better as a slasher film -- boxer goes to ireland, turns psycho, and starts killing motherfuckers.

though there must be one hard-core porno fucking scene too!

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:48 (twenty-three years ago)

Animal = Liam Gallagher.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:50 (twenty-three years ago)

*laughing* I think we should be able to sue over the damage to our psyches, Ally.

Oh, and Alice Cooper singing "Welcome to My Nightmare" - my favorite image that never was released as a music video.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 10 February 2003 04:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Aragorn was married to Exene Cervenka?? * wires fuse in brain *

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 10 February 2003 06:46 (twenty-three years ago)

nine months pass...

Who would be cast in The Quiet Man slasher film, I wonder?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't know but my carpet-sample science up there was criminally overlooked

― jones (actual), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 23:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Unless I'm misunderstanding Laura, "Welcome to my Nightmare" WAS a music video! Indeed, an early example of one. I'm eternally devoted to pre-Nightmare Cooper, though.

― Sean (Sean), Thursday, 20 November 2003 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

whatever happened to my good-natured fun?

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 20 November 2003 02:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Luke Skywalker = Dule Hill
Han Solo = Wesley Snipes

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 20 November 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Good natured fun died on the July 4th FAP photo thread, I announced it THEN but no one believed me.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 20 November 2003 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

fourteen years pass...

so today i binged the british crime drama broadchurch starring david tenant. very good for this kind of show.

afterward i learned that there is an american remake called gracepoint. same exact premise, same plot, same character names for the most point and it ALSO stars david tenant, but in this version he is doing an american accent.

surely this is intended as some kind of surrealist exercise in deja vú.

― Trϵϵship, Sunday, 11 November 2018 09:07 (seven years ago)

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