You have been chosen to head a music magazine or music section...

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...and you must select 30 writers to work for you.

Go.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Saturday, 14 August 2004 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

30 monkeys.

― Ronan (Ronan), Saturday, 14 August 2004 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

So you'd be editing Raygun, then...

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Saturday, 14 August 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't be dissin' monkeys.

― noodle vague (noodle vague), Saturday, 14 August 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Jules Verne
Poe
Joyce
Robert E. Howard
H.P. Lovecraft
Margaret Weiss & Tracy Hickman
Aristohpanes
Chaucer
Dr. Phil
Dr. Laura
Robert Heinlein
Arthur C. Clarke

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Saturday, 14 August 2004 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Stephen Crane
Ben Hecht
Murray Kempton
John Leonard
Glenn Gould
Ned Rorem
Filthy Phil Animal Taylor
Mickey Spillane
Alice Munro
Bruce Chatwin
Weegee
Will Eisner
Darius James
Lorrie Moore
Sarah Orne Jewett
Kobo Abe
James Agee
Patricia Highsmith

Hmmm, I think I only need 18.

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 14 August 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

You have a Ned in there = it is genius.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 14 August 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

In no particular order and, I imagine, the typical ILM list except for a few personal favorites of mine:

Tom Ewing
Marcello Carlin
Mark Fisher
Frank Kogan
Robert Christgau
Jess Harvell
Michaelangelo Matos
Chris Ott
Dominique Leone
Matthew Weiner

Josh Love
Chuck Eddy
Mark Sinker
Simon Reynolds
Scott Seward
Matthew Ingram
Geeta Dayal
Amy Phillips
Matt Cibula
Sterling Clover

Sasha Frere Jones
Dave Queen
Andy Beta
Robin Carmody
Joe Panzner
Jon Dale
Philip Sherburne
Jessica Hopper
Oliver Wang
Julianne Shepherd

― Sam Benson (Sam Benson), Saturday, 14 August 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

oh right. and Ned and Scott. Sorry to all who are not on this list. You are all obviously #33!

― Sam Benson (Sam Benson), Saturday, 14 August 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I WAS ABOUT TO SAY. *cries* ;-) But you did already include Scott so I WIN

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 14 August 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, wait. Scott is in there! Hm. No. 32 is Andy Kellman, then...

― Sam Benson (Sam Benson), Saturday, 14 August 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

right, I missed so many writers that I'd ideally love to hire for a music magazine that I almost feel sick about it. So I'm never going to read this thread again.

― Sam Benson (Sam Benson), Saturday, 14 August 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

scott's list = pure genius (cept for J. Leonard, but hey, can't expect you to have my taste exactly)
sam's list = puh-thetic. I mean, they all have their strengths but you can already read any of these people in a certain alt weekly or its cousins...often in the same issue! sheesh, the sucking up around here is getting depressing.

― DJ Hollywood, Saturday, 14 August 2004 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Gotta second Hollywood's assertion... and Robin Carmody? Please. That guy's got to be the most boring blogger ever.

― maria b (maria b), Saturday, 14 August 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Kim Gordon
David Foster Wallace
Martin Amis
Alex Ross
Jody Beth Rosen
Scott Seward
Ned Raggett
Spoony G
Christopher Hitchens (actually he might be Spoony G!)
Jonathan Gold
Albert Goldman (he's not really dead, hiding in FLA)
Begs 2 Differ (every music section needs haikus!)
Jorge Luis Borges (reincarnation not a prob)
Dava Sobel
Ward Sutton (best thing in the Voice)
Michael Musto (2nd best thing in the Voice)
Steven Daly
Alex in NYC (on Killing Joke EVERY ISSUE)
James Wolcott (on comedy records)
Evan Eisenberg
David Toop
David Ulin
Selwyn Hinds
Borneo Jimmy
One of Byron Coley's kids
One of Chuck Eddy's kids
Nick Tosches' ghost
Neil Tennant
Gloria Stavers
Lilian Roxon
Toure (only if he uses his real name)

― DJ Hollywood, Saturday, 14 August 2004 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd pick them all from ilm . no joke.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 14 August 2004 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

i often play this game when bored at work, but really i'd probably just pay 30 second graders in candy and gameboy carts to review everything.

― jess, Saturday, 14 August 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Gotta go with Thurston over Kim. Chris Ott (from further up)? No. One of the worst of the Pitchforkers. Christopher Hitchens would be an interesting twist.

― maria b (maria b), Saturday, 14 August 2004 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

now THAT I'd want to read. And write for under my real name!
(actually this was an xpost to alex, but it works either way.)

― DJ Hollywood, Saturday, 14 August 2004 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Thing is, as much as I think many people here have shitty taste, I just don't meet enough people in "real life" who are as passionate and as knowedgable about music (good or bad) as on ILM. And that's the reason I stay here. I'm always learning.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 14 August 2004 22:42 (twenty-one years ago)

...that, and as much as it pains me to admit, I like very many people here.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 14 August 2004 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Maria you should check out Hitchens' review of Greil Marcus from the Wash Post a couple years back if you missed it. Talk about the emperor's new clothes...

― DJ Hollywood, Saturday, 14 August 2004 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

As w P&J, no particular pref, just in order of appearance:
Douglas Wolk
Carola Dibbell
Tom Smucker
Norman Mailer (on the Stones:"The drummer's more than half of it"
Thomas Pynchon (wrote great notes on Spike Jones CD, ditto for Lotin, whom he also interviewed for Esquire, helpful to others, won blurb wars w Stephen King, not *that* hermetic
Amy Phillips
Patterson Hood (reviews Eddie Hinton in July-Aug No Dep)
Tom Ewing
Manny Farber (still alive and painting last I heard; a jazzer:Marsalii bait enough? The Bad Plus?
Terri Sutton (great in SPIN GUIDE and TROUBLE GIRLS, even though don't nec agree with all grading of product, but this is about sensibilities that grab my attention, as in music)
James Hunter
John Morthland
Frank Kogan
Chuck Eddy
Matt Cibula
Skot Sewar
Sara Sherr
M Matos
Matmos
Mos Def
Def Jux
Franklin Bruno
Mark Sinker
Everybody on this thread(interns at least!)

― Don Allred, Sunday, 15 August 2004 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Lotion, that is (also, close paren

― Don Allred, Sunday, 15 August 2004 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Amy Phillips

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Sunday, 15 August 2004 02:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Uh-oh. Why not Amy? (Never too soon for employment check). Also: interns vs. pedestrians polled=Realty TV on ezine screen!(not calling you "pedestrian" Ian)

― Don Allred, Sunday, 15 August 2004 02:30 (twenty-one years ago)

There are people on ILM who don't like Amy, Don. They are wrong though. By the by, that Mike Kelley thing that you put up on the blog is really wonderful. It should be in a fancy magazine. ( and i'm ashamed to say that i don't know the guy who wrote it. i should google him.)

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 15 August 2004 02:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I am very shocked
to be mentioned three times here
and dissed only once!

not to ruffle heads,
here's my non-ILM list:
(I love you people)

William "Bootsy" Collins
Julian Cope
Konishi Yasuharu
Grace Jones
Gilberto Gil
Big Kenny / John Rich (alternating, count as one)
Missy Elliott
Bjork
Bobbito Garcia
Joan Jett

Djibril Cisse
Natalie Portman
Tony Kornheiser
President Megawati Sukarnoputri
Barack Obama
John Cusack
Barry Glendenning
Studs Terkel
Nelson Mandela*
Jimmy "The Samoan Prince" Snuka ("Superfly" was a sellout persona, we're talking oldschool Snuka when he wrestled in Portland Wrestling with Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Playboy Buddy Rose)

Julianne Shepherd
Gustavo Arellano
Ramiro Burr
Geoff Himes
Carol Cooper
David Sedaris
Paul Beatty
Margaret Atwood*
Vasko Popa
Peter Guralnick

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 15 August 2004 02:45 (twenty-one years ago)

*indicates suggestion by my lovely wife

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Sunday, 15 August 2004 02:46 (twenty-one years ago)

(Glad you dug, Mr.SS (that's at thefreelancementalists.blogspot.com/)(DO NOT hang a wuhwuhwuh. just type it in like that, class)(He's mostly Our Man In Vienna, Scott; will pass yr compliment along)Yes I know about Ilx vs Amy, but (employment check yknow--Ian?) Realty TV even better than Reality TV? Prob pays better, which was what I was trying to avoid via ilx interns x pedestrian polls. Hey, dead people, that's the econo line So here's my dead pool:
Pauline Kael
William Blake and The Eternals(his posse,and why not? They're dead too!)
John Stuart Mill, but only if he gets a grip
Delmore Schwartz (ditto!)
William Burroughs (good in Rolling Stone & Crawdaddy, no li)
Jack Kerouac (Jazz Editor)
Otis Ferguson, A.J. Leibling(Live Gigs & colorful pedestrians outside)
Kurt Cobain (Access Anywhere!)
Jean Harlow (A no b.s.gal:Special Assignments)
Lester Bangs, Jimi Hendrix(They've seen it all:review/interview each other/themselves/everyone else/including yall/lookout now)
Have I left anyone out??

― Don Allred, Sunday, 15 August 2004 04:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the earlier suggestions, but "Metal" Mike Saunders would be a must for me. I'd also throw in Ed Masley (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette), Jimmy Guterman ("The Worst Rock 'n' Roll Records of All Time"), Tommy Womack ("The Cheese Chronicles"), Ally Kearney and Rob Sheffield.

― John Fredland (jfredland), Sunday, 15 August 2004 09:55 (twenty-one years ago)

12 writers not yet mentioned who I'd hire:

Ethan Padgett
Nate Patrin
Nitsuh Abebe
Keith Harris
Scott Plagenhoef
Adam Levine
Mike Barthel
John Darnielle
Michael Daddino
Josh Kortbein
Nick Southall
Mark Richardson

― jaymc, Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

One more for the dead pool!
Mark Twain ( the pre-Bangs Bangs, nationwide: "To the Person Sitting In Darkness"[Inyours, McKinley! Karl Rove's fave rave before W., BTW]; "Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses"[also one for another current thread,re "putdowns that led us to good or at least enjoyable stuff")

― Don Allred, Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

a non-ilx list:

1) Thomas Pynchon (don a is so right)
2) Steve Erickson (but i'd make him do weird short stories about the pieces)
3) Agee (seconded there too!)
4) The dude who did the Metrozoids piece for the New Yorker
5) Jameson (coz I have no fucking clue what he'd do except probably be weird and snooty and generate lots of reader mail)
6) Adiana Howard
7) Mayakovsky
7a) Man Ray
8) Larkin
9) Theophilus Lewis (he was trife in 1928 writing for The Messenger on Theater!)
10) David Mamet
11) Trina
12) Paul McCartney
13) Walter Abish
14) Sun Ra
15) an electric razor
16) meltzer
17) kathy acker
18) carl stalling
19) pie tin

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

jeez louise, don, no wonder yer my friggin' hero, i've never met anybody who has read that fenimore cooper thing by twain! it's one of the funniest things i've ever read and an inspiration every day and in every way.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:30 (twenty-one years ago)

hillary chute made me put a jameson quote in an essay i wrote for her and i had no idea who he was. well, she didn't make me, she just thought it would be a good fit. i still don't know who he is. i'm guessing academicliterarytheorist.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Oliver Wang is shit.

Get mighty Alan Partridge and Richard LIttlejohn to write the lot and shut you pissy over-analytical twats up.

Cashback, indeed.

― CitySlanger, Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

David Lee Roth
John Mayer
Howlin' Pete Almquivist
Kim Deal
Jess Harvell
Dave Grohl
Ghostface
?uestlove
Greg Dulli
Robert Christgau
John Darnielle
Ice-T
Mo Rocca
Guy Picciotto
Jon Wurster
Geeta Dayal
Chris Knox
Nelson George
Matt Cibula
Little Richard
Jeanne Fury
Michael Daddino
Amy Linden
Chuck Klosterman (but only q&a's)
Mark E. Smith
Steve Albini
Courtney Love
Al from Government Names
d_l_k from Government Names
Scott Seward

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)

though Hot Shit accepts submissions from people upset they're not on the list

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

replace Mark E. Smith with Ally Kearney. And put David Lee Roth in all caps and underline it.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd just let elliot wilson edit it and then we could all just sit around counting that money

― Lazza, Sunday, 15 August 2004 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I would add...

Ian MacDonald (surprised he wasn't mentioned)
Clive Bell (of The Wire & Jah Wobble's band)
Ken Tucker (of Fresh Air)
Stephen Thomas Erlewine
Brent DiCrescenzo (as I duck thrown objects from ILM)
Eno
Snoop Dogg
Bill Simmons (of espn.com)

― wetmink (wetmink), Sunday, 15 August 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Richard LIttlejohn

OTM.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 15 August 2004 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks Scott! Thought the Twain stuff was famous; always figured it was a big influence on Bangs, anyway. Jameson's biggest hit so far is POSTMODERNISM OR THE CULTURAL LOGIC OF LATE CAPITALISM, which zooms in on (his coinage)"postmodern hyperspace"(think this was a little before Gibson's "cyberspace"? 1984, anyway!): "the alarming disjunction point between the body and its built environment," and this even before efuture of Now. But he means cities, telecom of that time, Concorde,etc., and "global multinational" aspect.I haven't kept up; I dunno what he thinks about ill Now now, or how he'd be as rockcrit("bootlegs are the new de facto maistream," cos of the Net's jukebox-for-the-taking?) Good un on remixontology in The Wire's online archive, come to think of it , by Toop(let's sign him up too) And yeah, David Lee Roth(on probation, mind)

― Don Allred, Sunday, 15 August 2004 23:47 (twenty-one years ago)

20) Bruce Lee
21) An "Invisible Jukebox" column where the test listener would be an actual jukebox (unplugged). It would be stupid the first time, but really funny by like the seventh issue or so.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 16 August 2004 01:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I forgot Mike Stax, Luc Sante, & Cub Koda.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 16 August 2004 01:27 (twenty-one years ago)

& Robot Hull.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 16 August 2004 01:29 (twenty-one years ago)

And just wait until you read George Crumb's monthly death metal roundup!

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 16 August 2004 01:37 (twenty-one years ago)

John Corbett
Anthony Braxton
Sterling Clover
Marcello Carlin
Scott Seward
Sasha Frere-Jones
David Toop
Jody Beth Rosen
Joe Carducci
Henry Kaiser

Matt Cibula
Rob Michaels
Günter Grass
Dave Queen
Mark Sinker
Monica Kendrick
Frank Kogan
John Zorn
Chuck Eddy
Ally Kearney

Amateurist
Alex Ross
Marshall Sahlins
Jim O'Rourke
Peter Margasak
Alvin Curran
Byron Coley
Seth Sanders
Richard Meltzer
James Porter

― Monetizing Eyeballs (diamond), Monday, 16 August 2004 02:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like such a weirdly indistinct writer now.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 August 2004 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

(Lest anyone think I'm crying in self-pity, I mean that I can look at all these names and for those who I have read I can immediately sense their style and approach, whereas I couldn't tell you what the hell my style and approach is if I tried.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 August 2004 02:31 (twenty-one years ago)

16*) oh yeah and meltzer would only be assigned things with repetitive beats
22) a rotating member of the ego trip crew, but only writing on things without repetitive beats, or alternately on hi-nrg and latin freestyle
23) dennis leary, but only if he mentions his career in some way in every article

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 16 August 2004 02:44 (twenty-one years ago)

24) Ramosi: Porn Psychic

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 16 August 2004 02:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Ramosi I would pay to get a book from him. (Dave Q, of course, I would pay to get a whole row of books.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 August 2004 05:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't think of a strictly music magazine worth reading, but I play this game too much to not dork out here. So general interest magazine, limited to living writers:

Paul Theroux
Hendrick Hertzberg
Josh Marshall
Paul Krugman
Chuck Eddy
V.S. Naipaul
Louis Menand
Ian Buruma
Brad DeLong
Ben Yagoda
Frank Kogan
Jess Harvell
Jeffery Toobin
Jan Morris
Nitsuh Abebe
Elvis Mitchell
Junot Diaz
Woody Allen
Michael Ignatieff
Anthony Bourdain
David Sedaris
Chairman Mao
Amy Willentz
Anthony Lane
Harvey Pekar
Kevin Phillips
Tony Horwitz
Bob Shacochis
Herbert Muschamp
Francis Falceto
Stephen Downes

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Monday, 16 August 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I forgot so man people!

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Monday, 16 August 2004 05:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I forgot so many people!

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Monday, 16 August 2004 05:59 (twenty-one years ago)

whoops

― C0L1N B3CK3TT (Colin Beckett), Monday, 16 August 2004 06:00 (twenty-one years ago)

oh hell I forgot
Chairman Jeff Mao damn damn damn
put him up in mine

all those old Knick games
and squalid Brooklyn parties--
and I left him OUT???!!!???

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 16 August 2004 10:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I would like to read about music from:
*Stanley Kubrick - back from the dead to weigh in on music in movies (sub Woody Allen, Quentin Tarantino or Martin Scorsese when necessary)
*eYe - DJ set reviews as a weekly column (or however long I can get him to write in English)
*Larry David - classical music reviews ("I like Schubert. He just seems to have the right lengths.")
*Chuck Eddy - only indie rock, with an emphasis on stuff that sounds like Animal Collective
*Mark Sinker & Chris Ott - a weekly column called "Disconnect". Subject tbd.
*Nitsuh Abebe - music fiction
*Robert Christgau - one sentence reviews of minimal techno 12-inches. Minimum 10 records a week.
*Ricky Gervais as David Brent - weekly column on UK singles, regarding how he's been there and done that, next
*ILM - wherein I link to the Sinker/Ott column and run the response thread
*Douglas Wolk - because someone has to do real reviews
*Various Artists - for a weekly blindfold test moderated by NWW's Steven Stapleton
*Randy Newman - hip hop
*Dominique Leone - because it's my fucking mag
*mothers of famous pop stars - weekly column entitled "If I Could Change One Thing About..."
*One of those computer programs that draws diagrams of music, set to whatever is #1 on the US pop chart. Entitled "ILM"

― dleone (dleone), Monday, 16 August 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

John Olsen: Music Writer

OLSON

― Red Panda Sanskrit (ex machina), Monday, 16 August 2004 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

william b swygart
david merryweather (of he made their glowing colours fame)
philip mlynar
whoever does popjustice.co.uk (is that really NME's Peter Robinson?)
and i'd try and lure daniel booth back from retirement (?)

― (jg) ((jg)), Monday, 16 August 2004 12:22 (twenty-one years ago)

i would hire a decent, predominantly male staff and ban them, on pain of castration, from reading ilm, writing blogs or going within 25 feet of a copy of the village voice.

― somewhat obvious, Monday, 16 August 2004 12:51 (twenty-one years ago)

So what happens when they want to be released from the bondage dungeon for some fresh air?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 August 2004 12:53 (twenty-one years ago)

not a dungeon at all. a productive office away from pernicious influences that make poeple's writing lazy and bad. i wouldn't dream of hiring anyone that hadn't previously proved themselves in the world of print, either, as i have pretty deep-seated misgivings about the blog-print crossover.

― somewhat obvious, Monday, 16 August 2004 12:59 (twenty-one years ago)

so, are you wanting predominantly male just so the castration threat carries weight?

― dleone (dleone), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:00 (twenty-one years ago)

no, i just think men write better. castration taking it too far, but i'd certainly try to avoid eveything mentioned above.

― somewhat obvious, Monday, 16 August 2004 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Editor / Stunt Writer - Nick Southall (well, I am heading the fucking thing in this alternate reality)

Guy who deals with labels and organises things because the editor is a dick - Todd Burns

Graphic Editor - Jon Williams

Senior Editorial policy Consultants - Matthew Wiener, Marcello Carlin, Chuck Eddy, Sasha Frere Jones

Staff Writers - Dave Stelfox, William B. Swygart, Ally Kearney, Geeta Dayal, Josh Love, Alex Macpherson, Karim Adab, Anthony Miccio

Contributors - Joe Panzner, Ned Raggett, Andy Kellman, Dave Queen, John Darnielle, Mark Sinker, Jody Beth Rosen, Jess Harvell, Luka, Tom Ewing, Scott Plagenhoef, John Rothery

People Not Allowed Near The Office - Mark Beaumont, Tom Cox

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Monday, 16 August 2004 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

People not mentioned: AA Gill + Nancy Banks Smith + Jim Shelley(give 'em more than just TV/food), Waldemar Januscak (give him more than just art), John Salt (hilarious: http://www.livejournal.com/users/johnsalt/), Anil Bawa (http://www.kon-tent.net/), Kieron Gillen (http://gillen.blogspot.com/), Mark Z. Danielewski, Bill Drummond, Kurt Vonnegut, Lord T (from the Vinyl Vulture forum: http://212.67.202.147/~sermad/cgi-bin/ikonboard/ikonboard.cgi?s=69c4fbae68dbe50c679a970a9e5c18c8;act=SF;f=2).

And if we're reincarnating: Dorothy Parker, Oscar Wilde, Philip Larkin (only ever read his jazz reviews btw).

― Jim Cassius (J.Cassius), Monday, 16 August 2004 18:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Are yall going to pay? I am 50 bucks flat rate, whether it's one good sentence or one good page. And all the promos you can eat. (offer not applicable to dead pool, unless requiring promos sacrificed on altars in penace for disturbance [tho hopefully ilx interns will suffice for that). Ned we need you to stay in place at allmusic, keeping them steadfast with info others too hip for(like letting me know how Rocket From The Tombs on CD compared to my ancient boots, and that ROCKET REHASH contains 0 new songs). We really need more female music reviewers; they tend to bring something fresh to what's still too guy-presumptive (artist- and reviewerwise; remember, we're stillnot far enough from Timesweek-type rehash of Women In Rock, Joni-to-Ani, as a gimmick, that is: "Will ya look at that? What will those kids thing of next?") So:
Mary Gaitskill (genius with the fiction, but she has has taken some inriguing side trips into music; Chuck of course midwived some of this, as w other rara avii like Luc Sante, Tom Smucker, even Tom Hull, who did a whole Consumer's Guide recently! Gimme a buzz too, but too much to expect him to do same for me. Bet CE could get Tom Pynchon too, at least by fax, like Hajdu did) More wimmins:
Jean Grae
Kandia Crazy Horse
Valerie Wilmer
Penny Valentine (Creem's "Letter From Britain" correspondant, one like)Amy Phillips: she and Penny did more than announces itself: made it look easy"Throwaway lines often ring true, as Bryan Ferry crooned. Rock 'n' roll, when done just casually so)

Patti Smith(interviewer, reviewer, reverie-er, she did it all call it "rockwriting," later for the critic/fan distinctions, what she did was valid, steadfast in its own hovercraft)

― Don Allred, Monday, 16 August 2004 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh! Somebody mentioned Kubrick! Yes: I recently saw 2001 for the first time in a long time (firs time in a relatively clear view, too) and found the most compelling aspect (if not only such) to be his use of music (fantastically containing oblivious human intruders, as they puttered about--somewhat pre-figuring the avant-madness of poor King HAL[IBM, if you move to the right]--but also just *there,* in space) That's just one example (he turned me and who knows how many onto Ligeti, and even to "Classical," in BARRY LYNDON(the last thing expected after 2001: insisting that I feel sympathy for poor Irish devil of an ahole BL (Ryan O'Neal fer chrissake! Ewww!), and I did. Anyway now wondering *if his musical acuity won't outlive rest of the best of his films*?? (Also,soundtrack of probably-*not*-best, THE SHINING, which may be currently unavail; Rhino properly assembled 2001 soundtrack)

― Don, Monday, 16 August 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I like this challenge!

In alphabetical order, off the top of my head:

Nitsuh Abebe
Lizz Mendez Berry
Franklin Bruno
Stephen Burt
Robt. Christgau
Gerard Cosloy
Drew Daniel
John Darnielle
Geeta Dayal
Chuck Eddy
Sasha Frere-Jones
Christopher Hicks
Sally Jacob
Monica Kendrick
Melissa Maerz
Greil Marcus
Keven McAlester
Stephin Merritt
Andrea Moed
Alex Ross
"Saki" (D. McLaughlan)
Seth Sanders
K. Sanneh
Laura Sinagra
Rennie Sparks
Mim Udovitch
Elisabeth Vincentelli
Elliott Wilson
Jessica Winter

Dead pool division: Dame Rebecca West, my idol as a critic.

― Douglas (Douglas), Monday, 16 August 2004 23:52 (twenty-one years ago)

"william b swygart
david merryweather (of he made their glowing colours fame)
philip mlynar
whoever does popjustice.co.uk (is that really NME's Peter Robinson?)
and i'd try and lure daniel booth back from retirement (?)"

Completely. Mlynar's David Banner interview was the best Banner interview I've read all year - streaks ahead of the US interviews in terms of structure, analysis, empathy and vocab.

Noah Callanhan-Bever drops dope science too. Sort of like a US Mlynar, or vice versa.

― Lazza, Tuesday, 17 August 2004 23:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Word (to the above)

― addy, Tuesday, 17 August 2004 23:14 (twenty-one years ago)

(in order)

1. Mark Prindle
2. Adam Alphabet
3. Rich Bunnell
4. Paula Peabody
5. Chris "Willie" Williams
6. Mike DeFabio
7. Ben Marlin
8. Tom Ewing
9. Ned Raggett
10. Adrian Denning
11. Roland Fratzl
12. Amanda K.
13. the guy that wrote the "It's never a good sign when you can't even tell if an album is on or not." review of Coldplay's Parachutes on allmusic.com
14. CapnMarvel
15. Daniel Fjall
16. Jenny "Ginny" Rydin
17. Guy Peters
18. Dave Marsh
19. Jon McFerrin
20. Nick Karn
21. Casey Brennan
22. Jeff Blehar
23. Scott Floman
24. Steve Knowlton
25. Martin Teller
26. George Starostin
27. Ben Greenstein
28. Kiotsky
29. Marco Ursi
30. me

― Mr. Snrub, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait. Replace #30 with the guy that wrote the nice review of the new Bark Psychosis album on amazon.co.uk. Nice chap.

― Mr. Snrub, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned we need you to stay in place at allmusic, keeping them steadfast with info others too hip for

I can do that!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 04:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, Ned! Thankyouthankyou. But even credibilty can be taken too far: somebody mentioned *Alec Ross* You mean: hire an educated ear, a capabale pen, thus someone who can really elucidate *basis* for his cliams? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(plop)

― Don Allred, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 04:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Don Allred I cannot get enough of your funnily incomprehensible musings

― artdamages (artdamages), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 04:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Why thank you,Art. (Typos are my special sauce.)

― Don Allred, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 05:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha, the nice review of the new Bark Psychosis at amazon.co.uk is me!

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 06:56 (twenty-one years ago)

But maybe you knew that cos my name is there?! Dur.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, here I go...[deep breath]
richardmeltzerpaulwilliamsrobertxgaujohnmendelssohngreilmarcusdavemarshrickjohnsonrichardriegelrichardc.wallsmetalmikesaunderscharlesshaarmurraythesethmanalexinnycjuliancopemonetizingeyeballsj.kordoshchuckeddynedraggettrobota.hullsylviesimmonsrichstimmikerubinphildellioscottwoodslaurafissingermyongavonbonteeforgivememartinpopoffgeorgemetalsmithmichaeldavisandtheghostsOflesterbangsrobertpalmerandjoefernbacherwhocanallshareasingledeskbeingghostsandall

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, this is a love in, isn't it?!

― ___ (___), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Of course it fucking is, it's ILM.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I for one barely read any music criticism except for this place anymore. Why bother?

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 07:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Where can I find Stephin Merritt's prose?

― Mark (MarkR), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:03 (twenty-one years ago)

what a boring bunch of backslappy, congratulatory arse this is.

can be summed up as "we'd like all of ilm wiriting in our mags and a bunch of oldsters for credibility, thankyou"

most of the people here - professional and otherwise - should be banned from even talking about music, let alone writing about it.

― somewhat obvious, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

DO NOT FEED THE TROLL

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

it's just the truth.

― somewhat obvious, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:14 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.genesbmx.com/trolls.jpg

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:23 (twenty-one years ago)

No, The Truth were an execrable "real soul" band who arose from the ashes of stalwart pub rockers Nine Below Zero, led by the nasal whine of vocalist Dennis Greaves. They achieved two UK Top 40 hits in 1983 - "Confusion (Hits Us Every Time)," which sounded like Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich being hit by one of Frank Ifield's disused custard-coloured socks; and "Step In The Right Direction," next to which "Confusion (Hits Us Every Time)" sounded like the tripartite piano explosion halfway through side one of Manfred Schoof's European Echoes.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I love Marcello and also Jon W (if that is he, I lose track).

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

this board is pure poison

― somewhat obvious, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

You've confused yrself with the board again, Troll.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

this board is pure poison

rockist.

― stevie (stevie), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway:

Dominique Leone
Julian Cope
Mark Prindle
Dave Fischer
Geeta!
Mick from Orthrelm
Ned Raggett and his squirrels
Scott Seward
John Olson (Wolf Eyes)

and no one else; I would make them work in an office together with an mp3 jukebox using a system where people would submit mp3s to be played by exchanging virtual credits for time. People could moderate up or down other people's selections to give them credits the next day. This office scheme is to make everyone talk.

― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick Southall: it helps to change your settings to see usernames:

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― ())(())()()()(()(LASER)()()()LA(Z)E(R)()()()((L)()()(A)(S(E)R()()()) (ex machina, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you, ex machina!

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Far as I know Richard C. Walls mostly reviews films now. Great stuff. For the Deeetroit Metro Times I think (the thought of a city with more than one realpape is so disorienting that I can't quite recall--he sends me the cutnpaste, so I don't see the rag's name on there). Richard Riegel would be Fab! Esp. helping me deal with divas like Meltzer and John Mendelssohn (esp. in case misspelled the latter's name). Not too mention all the other artistic temperments involved, RR's professional background being that of rockin' social worker, like Kevin Coyne and Sonny Sharrock.

― Don Allred, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 12:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Stephin Merritt misquoted Morrissey lyrics in the NYT, or the NYT mis-fact-checked them. Did anyone see the Metallica article with three errors? Regina Spektor feature last Sunday mention two vague Strokes connections for the Strokes' sake, but not her hit duet with them, which seemed clueless.

("hit" meaning I like it. Roky Erickson is a "hitmaker" in my pamphlet.)

― Bowers, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Would your pamphlet be "Openers," by any chance? Ye are not crazy, man!Xsus to Roky)

― Don, Thursday, 19 August 2004 12:51 (twenty-one years ago)

dave tompkins, I'm only saying because no-one else will, even I'm sick of me saying. thr are lots of ppl on this thread I wouldn't though.

― cºzen (Cozen), Thursday, 19 August 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

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